


Absolute Desire

by CapaldiCrazy



Series: The Desire Series [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Light Bondage, Love Triangles, Older Man/Younger Woman, Original Character(s), Secrets, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:34:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 59,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21763063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapaldiCrazy/pseuds/CapaldiCrazy
Summary: Set a couple of months after Unyielding Desire, Clara has embarked on an unconventional relationship with her ex's, the Doctor, twin brother, James.  She's happy with their arrangement, but how does she feel when she finds out the Doctor has a new woman in his life?  Does she want more from James or does she want to go back to the Doctor?This story is complete and I will be updating it twice a week.
Relationships: Clara Oswin Oswald/Other(s), Twelfth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald, Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Series: The Desire Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1377589
Comments: 124
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to the continuatation of of my Desire series. If you haven't read Impetuos Desire and Unyielding Desire, I recommned you read those first before this story. I've tried to summarize a bit, but not too much. I really hope that you guys like this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I will be posting twice a week, so keep your eyes opened for new chapters at the beginning and end of each week.
> 
> As always, I love to hear feedback and comments so please share your thoughts!
> 
> Enjoy!

“ Ahhh , faster!” She screamed.

He took her command and started thrusting faster and harder, urging her release, knowing that his  was fast approaching.

“Yes! Feels so good!” She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him deeper into her.

He could feel her begin to pulse and throb around him, as her breathing became shorter and her screams louder. He soon followed her over the edge, exploding deep inside her before he pulled out and rolled to his side off of her.

“Wow,” he panted. 

“Wow indeed.  Your talents in the bedroom  never cease to amaze me, John Smith.”

“Thanks,” the Doctor answered. “I aim to please.”

“Well please you did.  So much for our dinner plans . ”

“Aye, you want to order something ?” He asked as he rolled out of the bed . 

“ Yeah, another dish of that. Seriously, where does a man your age get an arse like that?”

He chuckled while he pulled his plaid trousers on .

“Keep the flattery up, Missy, and we’re not going to be eating tonight ,” the Doctor said as he picked his mobile up off the dresser. “ Thai, or pizza?

“We had pizza the last time, so how about  Thai,” Missy replied as she got out of bed and pulled one of the Doctor’s t-shirts on. “You order and I'll be right back.”

The Doctor watched her walk off towards his washroom and smiled as he searched for the restaurant’s number . Once he placed the order , he went out to the living room and started picking up the clothes they had shed earlier. He  had been seeing Missy for about a month now  and had never expected it to go past a couple of coffee dates, but he had found her interesting and not to mention very striking with her dark hair, piercing blue eyes , and high cheekbones. It had also been some time since he was with a woman closer to his own age , which he had to admit was nice. They were both from Glasgow and shared a lot of the same memories growing up in the industrial city.

It had been a couple of months since the ordeal with the  Doyles and although he had talked to Clara a few times, he hadn’t seen her. He just wasn’t able to, needing time to heal his broken heart, but he also needed to know she was doing okay so he would call her from time to time. She was a strong woman and seemed to not be letting the ordeal faze her, at least that’s the way it sounded over the phone, but he couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to hide her real emotions. He had thought that maybe the kidnapping might have made her pull away a bit from his twin, but from the sounds of things, it hadn’t.

It was a couple of weeks after his  realisation that Clara was moving on with James, that he had found Missy’s business card and remembered their conversation at the ice cream shop. At first, he was going to throw it away, but then thought there was no harm in  seeing her, so he called and set up a time to meet for coffee. What he hadn’t expected was  for  them to hit it off. They had some laughs and he felt like he could have a connection with her. It was after a couple of more dates that he invited her home with him and slept with  the first woman since Clara. It wasn’t the greatest sex he had ever had and it was certainly typical for a first time with a new partner, the fumbling, uncertainty of what she might like, but after a couple of more tries they started to click. It wasn’t a serious relationship between them, Missy understood that the Doctor was trying to get over an ex and was willing to be a distraction for him. She had recently just moved to London and much like the Doctor, didn’t have a lot of friends, so for now they were taking things slowly, while enjoying the company of one another.

“Did you order yet?” Missy asked as she walked into the living room.

“Just did. Should be here in about forty minutes,” he answered.

“Great! That’s just enough time for us to snog on the couch,” she said as she pushed him down and started kissing him.

********

Clara reached out and  smacked the  alarm clock, trying to  make it stop emitting  the loud  annoying  beeping sound. It couldn’t possibly be time to get up already , she just went to sleep a few hours ago. She opened her eyes and blinked the sleep away, trying to focus on the  clock .

“What time is it? ” James asked groggily beside her.

“Six,” Clara answered as she flopped back down on her pillow and snuggled into her bedmate.

“You shouldn’t have come over here last night,” James replied as he wrapped his arm around her.

“You shouldn’t have invited me.”

“ True, I guess I'm the one to blame for our current state of tiredness. Although, I don’t mind  knowing it’s because I was shagging you all night. ”

Clara smiled at the memory . “You know I'm beginning to think you need to move a bed into the living room for the number of times we do it in there.”

“Nah, it’s way more fun without,” he  answered.

“Still might be nice to actually make it to  the bedroom one time,” Clara answered as she rolled away from James and got up.

“Where are you going?” He whined.

“I need to get ready for work.”

“But there’s still time to  snuggle,” he replied as he patted the spot she just vacated.

“Not if you’re going to join me in the shower.” She answered as she walked towards his bathroom.

“Ooh that’s an even better idea,” James said as he threw back the covers and followed her.

It surprised Clara how much  James liked to cuddle because she never would have guessed with how business like he was with their arrangement. She wasn’t complaining, by no means at all, just surprised that he seemed to be softer than he let others believe. She had seen this from the first moment they stepped inside her flat after her rescue.

\-----

_ “Are you sure you’re _ okay?”  _ James asked as Clara cleaned his wounds. _

_ “I'm fine. Besides you’re the one who looks like he went a couple of rounds with Mohammad Ali _ _.” _

_ “I'm not talking physically, Clara. Are you okay emotionally _ _? _ _ ” _

_ She didn’t answer him straight away, but  _ _ instead _ _ continued  _ _ cleaning his wounds. Truth was she wasn’t sure. She was definitely  _ _ shaken _ _ and a big bag of emotions _ _ , but it could have been much worse. _ _ It had surprised her how scared she was for James, not knowing if he was safe or not, but  _ _ she  _ _ was more  _ _ shocked by _ _ how much money he paid to get her back. _ _ She thought he only thought of her as someone _ __ _ to  _ _ have fun with and had made it very clear that  _ _ he wasn’t looking for more from her _ _ , but maybe his feelings were a little stronger. _ _ She was also concerned that this could happen again and that maybe next time it  _ _ wouldn't _ _ be so easy. _

_ “ _ _ Are you sure we’re safe?” She asked him. _

_ James looked at her, took the wash cloth from her hands, and pulled her on to his lap. _

_ “I assure you _ _ ; _ _ they will not try that again. _ _ ” _

_ “But how can you be sure? _ _ ” _

_ “Well for starters I'm going to be a lot more careful when I hire a new driver. _ _ And they have no reason to do it again. I paid them far more than they were owed and now  _ _ we’re _ __ _ even _ _. I'm just sorry that you got mixed up in this.” _

_ “I'm sorry that you had to pay so much money.” _

_ “That’s nothing. What’s important is that  _ _ you’re _ _ safe and okay.” _

_ “I will be. I just maybe need some time to wrap my head around it all.” _

_ “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.” He placed a light kiss on her  _ _ forehead _ _ , careful of  _ _ his _ _ fat lip _ _. _

_ \------- _

It had taken Clara a few weeks to start feeling like herself again and to feel like being with James. She had decided to put a bit of distance between the two of them, wanting to think about this relationship and if it was truly what she wanted to get into. After much thought, she decided that she wanted to focus on herself and her career, and getting into a serious relationship might complicate that. What James was offering was companionship with no strings and that appealed more and more to her. It was clear that they both cared for each other, but there was no obligation involved. If either of them didn’t want to get together, they didn’t and when they did, it was always very casual. They  usually met at James’ place and very rarely went out, always choosing to have dinner in. Their conversations were never very serious, and Clara liked how playful and funny James was. He had made it clear to her that she was free to date, if she wanted to, but he wouldn’t be seeing anyone else. It was an unconventional relationship and it was difficult for her friends to understand, but she didn’t care because for the first time in a long time, she felt happy.

The two got out of the shower some time later and Clara quickly got ready, knowing it was going to take her longer to get to work. James offer ed  to have his new driver take her, but she wasn’t ready to ride with him alone even though she knew that James had thoroughly checked him out. 

“Will I see you this weekend?” James asked as he walked her to his lift.

“I’m not sure. I’ve got plans on Saturday, but I’ll call you if I feel like meeting up after.” 

“Sounds good. What are you doing?” He asked.

“Meeting up with a friend.” She answered, not giving him details.

“A friend who looks like me?”

It wasn’t like him to ask so many questions about what  she was doing and it had been some time since he had asked her about the Doctor. 

“Perhaps.”

The lift arrived and Clara stepped forward placing a short kiss on James’ lips before getting on and wishing him a good day.

James watched as the doors closed and stood there for a moment  savouring the lingering scent of Clara’s perfume. He wasn’t sure how to feel about her meeting his brother. He knew that she hadn’t seen him since the ordeal with the  Doyles , but he knew that they chatted from time to time. Which was fine because he had made it clear to her that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, but he knew that John loved Clara and  that knowledge made him feel very uneasy. It was also a feeling that was very foreign to him .

His mobile rang, bringing him out of his thoughts. “Hello.”

“Hi, are you free to talk?” River asked from the other end.

“Yeah, what’s going  on ?”

“I wanted to know  how everything is going with the new venture? ”

“ It’s fine. ” He  gave a  distracted  reply.

“Is it?” She questioned. “Because  y our tone says otherwise.”

“It is, River. Everything is going exactly as planned.”

“ Well you  don’t sound very excited about this, James. There’s a lot  of  money to be made here.”

“I know. I wouldn’t have moved back here if I didn’t think it would pay off,” he replied, annoyed by River’s comment.

“Okay, well just be sure to keep your eyes focused on the  main goal and not  the pretty young brunette  you’re shagging.”

“Keep Clara out of this. She has nothing to do with any of  it .” James ordered.

“She may not have anything to do with our business, but if you’re falling for her, that’s going to be a problem. ” 

“I'm not falling for her, River.” James  replied angrily. “She’s just like all the other women I’ve been with.”

“Is she? Because I didn’t see you spending over a million pounds on any of  them .”

“ And none of them had been kidnapped because of me.” James  snapped . “Look, just take care of New York and let me worry about London, okay?”

James ended his call and decided he would go for a run before he went into the office. River had agitated him and he needed to blow off some steam. Perhaps she was right, and he had lost focus of why he moved back, but it really shouldn’t concern her so much. He walked into the bedroom and noticed the rumpled sheets and smiled at the memory of waking up next to the petite brunette. He didn’t usually let women sleepover, but with Clara it was different, had been from the first moment he laid eyes on her. And maybe there was some truth to what River had said, but he would never admit it ; he couldn’t even admit it to himself.  He just didn’t know w hat  he was feeling because he’d never been in love before. He couldn’t. His lifestyle didn’t allow for it and what woman could love a man like him. Especially a woman like Clara.

He shook his head and grabbed his sweats. A good run would clear his head and perhaps get him back on track and focused . It was time to fully put his plan into motion and to remember the reason he came here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kudos and the follow! I'm excited to start getting into this story and to find out what you all think :) Enjoy.

“ So what do you think Rose and JD's news is ?” Clara asked Amy. 

She was sitting on the floor playing with Charlotte, while Amy was putting together  a few snacks and drinks. Amy and Rory had decided to  invite  their friends over on Friday night and  when Amy had called Rose , she said it was a great idea, since she and JD had news to share .

“I  don’t know, maybe  they’re getting married .” Amy answered as she walked in and  set a  charcuterie plate on the coffee table.

“ Oh come on ,” Clara  replied . “It’s way too soon for that .”

“ Not if you  count the time they dated in Glasgow . ”

“ I suppose, but she had been wanting to take things slow this time .”

“ Maybe she changed her mind,” Amy answered and then changed the subject. “ So where is Mr. Billionaire tonight?

“I don’t know. It’s not like I keep tabs on him,” Clara replied.

“I told you he could come.”

“Who could come? ” Rory  asked  as he entered from the kitchen carrying wine glasses.

“ Clara's boyfriend, ” Amy  declared . 

“And for the umpteenth time, he’s not my boyfriend.” Clara replied extremely annoyed.

“If you say so.”

“I do, now drop it.”

“ Amy, stop giving her a hard time ,”  Rory replied as he picked his daughter up. “ Say goodnight to Auntie Clara, Charlotte.”

The baby gave her a backwards wave and Clara blew her a kiss .

“It would just be nice to get to know  him is all.” Amy answered, ignoring both her husband and friend’s pleas.

“ And there’s no need because it’s not  serious . ”

A knock came to the door, stopping Amy’s interrogation and Clara was relieved for  the distraction.

“Can you get that? I need to check on the mini  quiches in the oven.” Amy asked as she walked towards the kitchen.

“ Sure ,” Clara agreed as she  got up to answer the door.

“Clara!” JD said as she opened the door . 

“Hey guys. Come in. Amy’s  just in the kitchen .”

Clara closed the door and followed the couple in to the living room and took a seat in one of the chairs . 

“So how have you guys been?” Clara asked, making small talk.

“Good,”  Rose  answered.

“Really good,” JD added as he smiled at Rose. 

It was clear something was going on between the two  of them  and Clara started to think that maybe Amy was right.

“Well you two look very happy,” Clara said.

“We are,” Rose  replied and she took JD's hand in hers. “But how are you doing?”

“ G ood.”

“And would  that have anything to do with the  happy mood the Doctor’s been in lately? ” JD asked just as both Rory and Amy walked in.

“No, why would you  think that?” Clara questioned.

“Because he’s been in a really good mood lately. I just assumed that you were the reason for it. ”

“Nope, not me.” Clara couldn’t help, but wonder why he was . 

“ That’s not the brother she’s making happy , JD, ” Amy chimed in.

“Amy, shut up,” Clara said, giving her friend a dirty look.

“ Oooooh , you’re  dating the Doctor’s twin?” JD questioned.

“I'm not with James,” Clara replied  angrily.

“Sure you are . You see him practically every weekend,” Amy added.

“That sounds serious,” Rose added.

“It’s not, okay. Can we please just drop the subject.”

“So are you guys just friends?” JD asked.

“Yes .”

“With benefits,” Amy added.

“Really?” JD said drawing out the word .

“Enough, okay!” Clara  raised her voice, annoyed that JD and Amy wouldn’t let up.

“ JD, clearly Clara doesn’t want to talk about it, so let it go.” Rose added and Clara gave her a smile of gratitude.

“Thank you,” Clara said to Rose.  “Can we please just move on? I promise if anything changes in my relationship status you  idiots will be the first to know.”

“Sorry,” JD apologised . “ I was just really hoping you and the Doctor had gotten back together. ”

“That’s not happening, JD, so get it out of your head. ”

“Fine ,” he answered although Clara wasn’t convinced from his tone that this was over.

“Why don’t we tell them our news ,” Rose said to her boyfriend.

JD smiled at her and nodded his head. “Go ahead.”

“JD and I are getting married!” Rose exclaimed as she looked at her friends and held out her hand.

“No way!” Amy shouted and jumped up to hug  Rose. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks!” Rose said happily. 

Clara stood up and hugged  Rose as well.

“I am so happy for you,” Clara said .

“ Thank you ,” Rose replied as she pulled back and smiled at her.

After all the congratulations were over with, the group sat back down to hear the story of how JD proposed while they were in Glasgow last weekend. Clara was very happy for her friends and was glad that both of them were able to find their way back to one another. There was no denying that Rose seemed a lot happier now than she did over a year ago. In the middle of the couple’s story Cla ra's phone dinged, drawing her attention away .

“Boyfriend?” Amy questioned.

“Shut up,” Clara said as she picked her mobile up and read the message.

**_ Doctor: _ ** **_ We still on for coffee tomorrow? _ **

Clara quickly started to type a reply.

**_ Clara:  _ ** **_ Absolutely. Meet me at mine at 10? _ **

Clara went to put her phone back down on the coffee table, but it dinged again.

**_ Doctor: I'll meet you at the café at 10 _ ** **_. _ **

That was odd. Why would he meet her there when he would be walking right  pass her flat ? 

**_ Clara: Okay. See you then. _ **

“Booty text?” Amy pried again.

“No,” Clara responded, not elaborating. “It’s none of your business who it  was .”

“Well if it’s not James, who was it? All your friends are here.”

“Amy, stop pestering Clara,” Rory said.

“I'm not pestering. I'm just curious.” 

Clara knew the only way to shut Amy up was to tell her what was going on.

“I'm meeting the Doctor for coffee tomorrow, okay.”

“Does James know?” JD asked.

“It doesn’t matter what he knows. We’re not a couple and  it’s just coffee with a friend. Now can we please drop it and talk about something else?”

“Agreed,” Rose said. “I for one would like to know how your job is going since your promotion.”

After the success of  Mondasian ’s ad campaign, Donna had given Clara a promotion and  more responsibility. She was loving every moment of her job and was happy to finally talk about something else.

The rest of the evening continued with no more talk of Clara’s love life, but instead talk of wedding plans and Charlotte’s first birthday. Periodically, Clara would find her thoughts drifting towards the Doctor and wondering what had put him in such a good mood. Perhaps tomorrow she would have to get to the bottom of it.

\---------

The next day Clara decided to get to the coffee shop a little earlier to  make sure she was able to grab a table for her and the Doctor. She had just turned the corner, onto the street of the shop when she spotted the Doctor out front with a woman. They looked to be chatting and she wondered if maybe he had run into a colleague from work , until the woman leaned forward and gave him a slow kiss on the lips. Clara stopped dead in her tracks as her stomach did a flip and her jaw fell open . She wasn’t entirely sure what to think or feel about this woman, but clearly she was the reason JD thought the Doctor was in a good mood. The couple pulled a part and the Doctor went into the shop as the woman started walking towards her. As she got closer, Clara was able to see that  she was older, probably still younger than the Doctor, but a lot closer to his age. She  was tall and thin, with dark hair and striking eyes. Her features were sharp, which made her undoubtedly a very attractive woman. They passed each other, the woman taking no notice of Clara.

Clara was shocked. She knew she had no claim on the Doctor, and she should be happy that he had moved on, but there was a part of her that was surprised he had. She entered the shop and spotted him in the corner, so she grabbed a latte and went and joined him.

“Hi,” he said as she approached the table.

“Hey,” she replied as she sat down. “ I'm surprised you beat me here.”

“Barely, I just got here myself,” he answered.

Clara wondered if she should tell him she saw him or wait and see if he  said anything about the mystery woman. She was really curious, but at the same time didn’t want to pry.

“So how have you been?” She asked.

“Good. What about you?”

“Same. ”

An awkward silence  fell between the two of them, neither really knowing what to talk about.

“So is this what we ’ ve become? Two people who don’t know how to talk to  each  other,” Clara  asked with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension.

“Sorry,” the Doctor answered in the adorable way  he would  lower his head  and the left side of his lip would lift. “There’s something I want to tell you, but I'm not sure why I'm hesitating at doing it.”

“ We’ve been through a lot,” Clara had answered. “Whatever it is, you know I'll listen.”

The Doctor took a deep breath. “I’ve started seeing someone.”

Clara’s stomach flipped  again  at hearing him say the words. She was happy for him, but at the same time she  felt something else towards this woman and she wasn’t exactly sure what it was.

“That’s great,” she replied trying her best to sound enthusiastic for him. “How long?”

“Not long ,” the Doctor answered. “A nd it’s not serious .”

“Well most relationships don’t start that way . Where did you meet her?”

“James' opening actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she’s the cousin of his VP.”

“River.” Clara answered.

“Yeah,  Missy gave me her card and I found it a couple of weeks  later. Thought maybe I’d see if she wanted to  grab a coffee sometime.”

“Missy,” Clara said wondering to herself what kind of name that was for a grown woman.

“Yeah ,” the Doctor answered, not sure what tone he was getting from Clara. She couldn’t possibly be jealous. After all she was the one who moved on with  James . “Anyway, I just thought I’d tell you.”

“Well I'm really happy for you . You need to get out more and be a little more social.”

“I'm social enough ,” the Doctor replied.

“Says the man who very rarely gets out,” Clara teased.

“Well I was getting out more  taking pictures with you, but we haven’t done that for awhile. So really it’s your fault I don’t get out much.”

“Okay then, let’s start doing that again,” Clara suggested.

She had really been enjoying their outings and had missed not seeing him so regularly , so maybe it would be nice to get back to doing their excursions.

“Really? Thought you might be too busy on the weekends with your boyfriend. ”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Clara responded.

“Isn’t he?”

“No. I'm so tired of having to explain this to people. ” She sighed.

“Well you haven’t explained it to me.” The Doctor stared at her wondering what kind of relationship she and his brother had. He  was certain that James cared for her based on how he interacted with Clara,  but maybe there was some hesitation  o n her part.

“There’s nothing to explain. Neither of us are looking for something serious, but  we enjoy each other’s company. ” 

“Do you think you’ll ever want something serious?” He asked.

Clara stared at him unsure how to answer.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t pry like that. It’s really none of my business.”

“No, it’s okay. I just really don’t know the answer to that question. I haven’t really been thinking much beyond the here and now.”

The Doctor nodded, not really knowing where to take their conversation. There was a part of him that was happy to hear things weren’t serious between her and his brother, but there was another part of him th at still cared for her very much and wanted what was best for her .

“So, how about it? Want to meet next week and take some pictures?” Clara asked trying to change the subject again.

The Doctor thought for a moment and deep down he knew he should  say no, but he just couldn’t. It would be nice to see her again, but this time with the knowledge that there was no chance of rekindling their romance. That ship had sailed and it was now time to embark on friendship. It might also give him an excuse to do a little bit of reconnaissance of James’ shop and see if he  could  find out why his brother  had  returned to the UK. 

“Sounds good,” he finally agreed. “How about we check out Convent Garden?”

Clara agreed and they made a plan to meet next Saturday. They then moved on to talk about music, work, and just nothing in particular. Once the Doctor had gotten his news out of the way the conversation flowed a lot better and it started to feel like it did before . Clara couldn’t help, but notice that the Doctor did seem happier  and a lot  more  like the person she had met  in the pub  so long  ago.

After their coffee, the Doctor walked Clara back to her flat and they parted with their plan to shoot photos the next weekend. Once she was inside, she looked at her phone and noticed that James had called earlier. She knew he likely wanted her to come over, which she did want to see him, but she was getting a little tired of it always being at his place. She had let him control things so far in their non-relationship, but she was starting to feel that she needed to take that power away from him. She yearned for it and perhaps tonight was the chance to see if she could. She dialed his number and waited for him to answer.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said when he  picked up .

“ Hi,” Clara replied. “I saw that you called.”

“Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner.”

“Actually, why don’t you come over here and I'll cook for you for a change.”

James thought for a moment. Going to Clara’s made it feel more like a relationship and that was what he was trying to avoid, but at the same time he did really want to see her. 

“Okay, I’m curious to see how good you are.” 

“Well I’m not as good a cook as you, but I make a really good soufflé,” she replied.

“I look forward to tasting it. Seven okay?”

“Make it half seven,” Clara responded.

They ended their call and Clara started to put her plan into motion to see just how much power she could get him to give up


	3. Chapter 3

Clara was just about to put the soufflé in the oven when she heard a knock at her door. She glanced at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was still ten minutes before the time she told James to arrive. It wasn’t like him to be early, so she wondered who it could be. She set the soufflé down and went to answer the door, to be pleasantly surprised.

“Well this is a first,” she said. 

“What ever are you talking about?” 

“I expected you to be late.”

“What?!” James replied acting shocked. “I'm never later.”

“Sure,” Clara replied with a sarcastic tone as she stepped aside to let him in.

James kissed her cheek and then handed her a bouquet of red roses. It was a gesture he did a lot and Clara found it very touching that he would buy her flowers just out of the blue and when she never expected it. One day, she had texted James about a difficult client and the hell she was putting her through, when not an hour later a delivery man showed up with lilies. It was this thoughtfulness that Clara adored and often had to remind herself of what their relationship was.

“These are beautiful. Thanks.” She sniffed the roses and then walked towards the kitchen to get a vase.

“You can put some music on while I put these in water.”

James walked over to her vinyl collection and looked through what she had. He hadn’t spent a lot of time in her flat and this was the first time he really got to see what kind of music she was into. He always enjoyed music, but not near as much as his brother did. He began to wonder if he had influenced any of her musical taste, but quickly rid his mind of that thought. He noticed she had a Frank Sinatra album and he immediately remembered how much his parents loved his music. He pulled it out and laid it on her turn table, turning the volume up slightly while he closed his eyes and was transported to his childhood.

Out of all the albums he could choose from he would choose the one the Doctor had bought her. She really didn’t want to think about him, but she couldn’t help but remember the day he had given it to her outside the record shop. She shook her head trying to clear the images as she picked up a bottle of red wine and poured two glasses. When she walked back into the living room she noticed James staring at her picture frames on her bookshelf. She approached him and handed him a glass.

“Dinner will be ready in about half an hour,” she said.  
He took the wine from her and nodded his acknowledgement and then turned back to one of the photos.

“You look like your mum.”

“That’s what my Gran keeps telling me.”

He looked at her and could see sadness in her eyes. He knew it had been a number of years since she had lost her mum, but it was still clearly something that bothered her.

“I bet she’s smiling down on you now, proud of the woman you’ve become.”

“What? A woman who can’t seem to look towards her future and see what she wants?”

“No,” he said as he took her wine glass from her and set it down on the coffee table, along with his. “A strong independent woman who knows what she wants now. Tomorrow is promised to no one, so live for today. That’s what I’ve always thought.”

He took Clara into his arms and started swaying to the music, slowly moving them around her living room. She smiled at the gesture and leaned her head on his chest.

“I suppose you’re right,” she sighed, feeling content to be in this moment with him.

James leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head and was just about to go in for a kiss when a knock came to the door. They both stopped moving and looked towards the sound.

“That’s not my brother, is it?” James questioned as he quirked an eyebrow at her.

“No. Well at least I don’t think so,” Clara replied as she walked to the door.

She opened it and was slightly relieved to see that it wasn’t.

“Dad,” she exclaimed surprised.

“Hello sweetheart,” he said as he leaned into give her a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I hope you don’t mind me dropping in. I was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d come by and see you.”

“Uh, no. Of course not.” She stepped aside and let her dad in who finally saw James standing in the middle of the room. “Uhm, dad, this is James.”

“Nice to meet you,” her dad said as he extended a hand to the strange man.

“Likewise, Mr. Oswald,” James replied.

“Please, call me Dave.” He turned and looked at Clara. “I didn’t think you would have company. I'll go.”

“No, you don’t need to go,” Clara glanced at James unsure how he would feel about this situation. He had made it clear he wasn’t the sort of guy who met parents.

“No, please stay. Clara and I were just about to eat and I'm sure there’s more than enough for you to join us,” James offered.

Clara was shocked. She had thought for sure James would insist on her dad staying, but that he would leave.

“Absolutely,” she agreed. “Please stay, dad.”  
“Well, okay. I just don’t want to be interrupting anything.”

“You’re not. Have a seat and I'll go check on dinner,” she assured her dad. “James, can you give me a hand?”

James followed Clara into the kitchen, who immediately started pacing around.

“I'm so sorry. I had no idea he was coming over,” she apologised.

“It’s okay,” James replied as he grabbed her shoulders to keep her in one place. “I can tell you’re surprised, but you don’t need to freak out.”

“I just know that you never wanted to meet him.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about that,” James assured her. 

“Now does he like wine?”

James picked up the wine bottle as Clara took out another glass for her dad. She then started to set another place at the table, while James went back out to the living room.

“Here you go,” James said as he handed the glass to Dave, who was now sitting on the couch.

“Thanks,” he replied. “So how exactly do you know my daughter?”

There it was, the question he dreaded and the reason he didn’t like to meet families. He knew her dad would obviously want to know who this older man was, and what he was doing with his daughter, which was a logical response. Hell if he had a daughter he wouldn’t have likely been as polite as Dave had been so far.

“Clara worked on an ad campaign for my company a couple of months ago and we struck up a friendship. You raised a really great woman there.”

“Thanks,” Dave responded, eyeing James with a bit of apprehension. “I'm very proud of her and happy that she’s starting to put some roots down.”

“I imagine you missed her terribly while she was traveling,” James said, trying to make more small talk, but also to let her dad know that he was familiar with Clara.

“I did. I just hope that she’s worked through the issues that led her to runaway in the first place.”

Just as James was about to answer, Clara entered to tell them that dinner was ready. James couldn’t help but notice the choice of words her dad used in describing Clara’s travels. He saw it as running away, but not once did Clara ever call it that. Maybe she and him were a lot more similar than he had thought.  
The three sat down to dinner, which was an incredibly awkward moment. Clara could tell that James was on his best behaviour and her dad kept eyeing him up, no doubt wondering who he was and exactly what kind of relationship they had. Before she gave her dad a chance to ask questions she decided to ask her own.

“So dad, how’s Gran doing?” Clara asked as she took a sip from her wine.

“She’s good. Went to see a show in Leicester Square with a seniors group tonight.”

“Oh good. I'm glad she’s getting out again.”

“Yeah, me too,” her dad replied and then looked at James. “So you said Clara did a campaign for your business. What is it?”

“I own Mondasian Ice Cream,” James answered.

“Oh, I’ve never heard of that.”

“Well, it’s new to the UK. I started it back in New York.” James could tell that Dave was fishing for information and this was what he hated about meeting parents. He should have just left, but he had no idea what possessed him to stay.

“Ah, so that explains the accent.”

“Yeah,” Clara jumped in, in an effort to rescue James.

“He moved there when he was in his twenties and just came back a few months ago.”

“And what made you decide to return to London?” Dave questioned. 

“Thought I might see if I could have a go at the business here.”

“And how has that been?” Clara was really wishing her dad would stop with the questions. She had planned a nice night and was excited to finally get James at her place, but she was starting to think it was just a matter of time before he bolted.

“Thanks to your daughter, really good.” James smiled at Clara and gave her a subtle wink.   
Just then, almost as if James had willed it, his mobile rang. He glanced down and then stood up as he picked up the device.

“I'm sorry, I really need to take this.” He stepped out of the flat and into the hallway, leaving Clara alone with her Dad.

“He seems rather busy,” Dave said as he took a bite of his food.

“Guess that’s how you succeed in business,” Clara replied, unsure if her father was now going to interrogate her.

“Guess so.” Dave put his fork down and turned towards his daughter. “Look, I know you’re an adult and you can do what you please, but I'm not naïve honey. Do you really think it’s wise to get involved with an older man like that?”

“I'm not involved with him, dad. He’s a friend and that’s it.”

“Clara.” Her dad gave her the tone that she was all too familiar with when she was a teen. The tone that said he knew she was lying.

“Okay, fine. We are seeing each other but it’s not serious, so please don’t make a big deal out of this.”   
Her dad didn’t say anything immediately, but instead just stared at her. “Fine, but be careful. A person’s heart is precious and I don’t want to see you get yours broken.”

“Been there, done that. Trust me, that’s why I'm with James.”

The door opened and James walked back in again. Clara thought for sure he was going to give some excuse about an emergency at the factory and leave, but instead he sat back down again and continued eating.

“Sorry about that. I was waiting for that call all day.”

“That’s okay,” Dave answered. “Gave me a chance to chat with Clara.”

James eyed Clara and she gave him a nervous smile that told him all he needed to know; Dave knew that he was sleeping with his daughter. Why hadn’t he fled yet? The last thing he wanted was to be interrogated by a man who was not much older than himself. He needed to get the conversation away from him and Clara and find out what Dave might like to talk about instead.

“So are you a football fan, Dave?”

Clara gave a sigh of relief, knowing how much her dad liked to talk about his favourite team and with the World Cup coming up she knew he’d have a lot to say. Sure enough the two men started chatting about that and the tension began to ease. Before Clara knew it a couple of hours had passed when her dad noticed the time.

“Thanks so much for dinner sweetheart, but I should be getting home. Your Gran will be back soon,” Dave said as he stood up from the table.

“Well I'm glad you stopped by dad,” Clara said as both she and James followed him to the door.

“Me too. I would have never known what was happening in your life,” he hugged his daughter who returned the gesture with the same enthusiasm. “ It was nice to meet you James.”

“Likewise,” he answered, as he shook Dave’s hand.

“If this goes beyond whatever it is now, your Gran will want to meet him,” Dave said to Clara.

“Okay dad,” Clara replied, now trying to rush her dad out the door. “I'll call you next weekend.”

She shut the door after her dad and turned around to see James smirking at her. Why was he so much harder to read than his brother?

“What?” She said as she walked towards the kitchen to clear the table. James followed behind her.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“No, but you face is telling me you want to.”

“Nothing, I just think you’re adorable when you get flustered,” he answered as he picked up some plates and handed them to Clara who was loading the dishwasher.

“I was not flustered. I just don’t tell my dad much about my dating life. In fact he’s only met one of my boyfriends.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Besides, I half expected you to make an excuse and leave.”

“Me too. I’m not entirely sure why I stayed, but I'm glad I did. Once we got past the awkward stage, it was a pleasant night.”

Clara closed the door on the dishwasher and turned it on. The sound of water running filled the room as it hit her how domestic this night had been, which was something James had been very adamantly against. 

“It was. Thank you,” she said as she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around him.

James pulled her into him and rested his chin on the top of her head. “You’re welcome, although I'm not sure what I did.”

“For staying.”

“So do you want to pick up where we started tonight?” He asked, wondering if she would want to continue with whatever she had planned for tonight, but not really feeling in the mood any more.

“How do you feel about watching a movie?” She questioned as she pulled away from him.

“I think that sounds perfect.”

She led him to the couch, where he sat and she curled up next to him. After some debate as to what they wanted to watch, they settled on a drama that neither of them had seen. Clara snuggled into James and he laid his arm around her, lightly rubbing her back, which made her feel very content and relaxed. It wasn’t long before James glanced down and saw that she had fallen asleep and he debated about waking her or letting her stay where she was. He liked the feel of her against him and decided to just let her be until the movie was over. Except he couldn’t really concentrate on the film as his mind started wandering to the woman in his arms. How did she do what she did to him? He was thinking things that he had never thought with any woman and would often find his thoughts wandering to her and what she was doing when he wasn’t with her. He found himself missing her and longing to see her, to just simply be in the same space with her and it didn’t matter if they were intimate or not. He had been able to keep his feelings guarded and not fall for any women for so long, that he really thought he was immune to it. He was so torn about what to do. He knew he shouldn’t fall for her, that his lifestyle wasn’t one that he wanted her to be a part of and if she knew the truth as to what he was really doing here, she would never want to see him again.  
Clara began to move and he tried to sooth her back to sleep, not wanting this moment to end, but no luck. She opened her eyes and sat up, looking a tad confused as to where she was and what was going on.

“Did I miss the whole thing?” She questioned.

“You did,” James smiled at her.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea I was that tired.”

“No need to apologise. The movie wasn’t that good any way.”

Clara sat further up and stretched, while she yawned. 

“Looks like you’re still tired,” James chuckled, as he shut the TV off.

“Yeah, sorry our night was ruined,” she said as she stood.

She had been seeing James for a few months now and there had never been a time that they got together and didn’t have sex. She was just too tired and not really in the mood for that now.

“It wasn’t ruined at all,” he answered as he stood up and extended his hand to Clara.

“Well, I’m just not really in the mood to,” she started to say as she let him help her up off the couch. James stopped her from finishing her thought.

“Neither am I. I’m feeling just as tired as you look.”

“So raincheck then?” She asked as she walked towards her front door.

“You kicking me out?” James asked not following her.

Clara turned around, surprised. “I just assumed that you wouldn’t want to stay.”

“I wouldn’t mind, if it’s okay.”

This man never ceased to surprise her. This whole night had been one after another and if he kept it up, she would have to fight really hard to stop the feelings he was invoking in her.

“Yeah,” she replied and switched the hall light off as they walked towards her room. 

Neither said anything as they got ready for bed, both aware of the step they were taking in their relationship, but not wanting to acknowledge it. Clara changed into boxers and a tank top, while James stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed into bed. Once she switched off the light and moved down to lay on her back, James wrapped an arm around her and lightly placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

“Night,” he whispered.

“Night,” she replied and closed her eyes wondering if James was having the same thoughts she was having at this moment.

James laid there with Clara in his arms and even though he was tired, he couldn’t fall asleep immediately. She had given him every opportunity to get out of this night and yet he didn’t take it. There was no denying it, he was falling in love with this woman and he was utterly terrified.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the Doctor and Clara to spend a little time together.

“I can’t believe I finally got you out for a pint,” JD said as  he clinked glasses with the Doctor.

“Well, you wore me down to the point that I felt bad for you ,” the Doctor answered. “Plus you said you had news.”

“I do. News and a question,” JD responded smiling like an idiot.

“So, spill. Or do you want me to guess?”

“Rose and I are getting married ,” JD blurted.

The Doctor didn’t respond right away, trying to process what his friend had said. It shouldn’t really be th at surprising, but he  didn’t think it would happen this soon. Of course he was happy for them, but it was a little odd to think it really wasn’t that long ago that he was engaged to the same woman, albeit they were not a right fit.

“That’s fantastic,” the Doctor finally responded. “You really didn’t waste much time did you. ”

“I hope this  is  okay. I mean I know you and she were…

“No,” the Doctor cut him off. “You and Rose are perfect and what she and I had feels like a lifetime ago, so don’t bring it up. She loved you all along and you’re right that you shouldn’t waste any more time.”

“Thanks mate. I'm glad you feel that way because I was hoping you would be my  best man .”

“What? Are you serious?” Doctor questioned. Why would JD want him standing next to him on the biggest day of his life? There was no way Rose would have agreed to that. “Surely you must know someone closer.”

“ Aye , I have mates, but you and I go way back. Believe it or not, you are the closest friend I have here.”

“Then you need to get out more,” the Doctor replied.

“Likely, but come on, what do you say?” JD pushed.

“Rose will not be okay with this.” 

“She is. I asked her first and she  is fine with it.  She just wants to  pu t all  the stuff that happened in the past.”

The Doctor thought about his request for a moment. The last thing he wanted to do was be a part of a wedding, but he could tell that JD was being sincere in his request. If he were honest with himself, JD was one of the few friends he had, so he could understand where he was coming from.

“Okay, but I'm not wearing a kilt.” The Doctor finally agreed.

“That’s fine, I have better legs than you anyway. ” JD joked and picked up his pint glass to cheers with the Doctor. “Thank you.”

They  continued to drink, chatting about work and  the latest happenings in Parliament until The Doctor got a text that drew his attention to his phone. He read the message smiled and then put his phone back down without responding.

“Who was that?” JD asked.

“None of your business,” the Doctor replied grumpily.

“Oh come on. I’m just curious who it is that is making you a more cheerful person.”

Doctor tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow at him, wondering what the hell that meant.

“Please, you were sulking around the office for months and now you practically have a spring in your step. So who is she?”

“Well if you must know, I am seeing someone, but that text wasn’t from her.”

“So who was the text from, if it wasn’t from the mystery woman?”

“Do you ever just mind your own business?”

“No. What would the fun be in that?”

The Doctor sighed, knowing that JD wouldn’t let up. “It was Clara, just finalizing plans for tomorrow.”

“Still hung up on her, eh?”

“No,” the Doctor replied, exasperated. “Did you miss the part where I said that I was seeing someone?”

“So if you’re seeing someone, what are you doing with Clara?”

“We are friends ,  you know. Can’t I spend time with a friend without getting the third degree?”

“Does the woman you’re seeing know that you’re going to be spending time with your  _ friend _ who is also an ex?” JD questioned him, emphasizing that he didn’t believe Clara was just a friend.

“No, because it’s not a serious relationship and it’s really not that important because Clara _is just a friend_. There is nothing romantic between us because she’s moved on with my brother and I’m trying to do the same.”

JD just smiled at him and shook his head. “Whatever you need to tell yourself. Does this woman have a name?”

“Missy.”

“And how long have you been seeing her?”

“Just a couple of months. Look, she knows I’m trying to get over an ex and that I’m not looking for something serious right now, and neither is she. She’s great company and we have a lot in common.”

“Fine, but I don’t really see how you’re going to get over Clara if  you’re  spending time with her, alone. That’s just my opinion.”

The Doctor knew JD had a point, but he really felt confident that he could do this. He knew Clara had no interest in being with him, she had made that quite clear, so there was no sense in pinning away for someone he was never going to have. But maybe he should be straight with Missy and tell her who Clara was. Lord knew what kind of trouble he got into the last time he wasn’t honest about a relationship and it only seemed fair  since  Clara knew about  Missy, that  she should know about her.

“Can we just drop this?” The Doctor asked.

“Sure, I don’t mean to push, but I just really care for you both and don’t want to see the two of you get hurt. Or hurt other people because you’re being a couple of daft idiots.”

“Look that ship has sailed, and it’s not coming back to port, so drop it, okay.”

“Sorry, consider it dropped.”

“Thank you.” 

The two men stayed for a little while longer before JD needed to go and meet Rose for dinner. Once they were outside the pub, they wished each other a good weekend and the Doctor walked off towards his flat. He took out his mobile to message Clara back, agreeing to meet her at her flat the next morning for their planned excursion to Covent Garden. He then debated about ringing Missy to see if she wanted to come over, but decided he wasn’t really in the mood to be more social. He really just wanted to get home, put on some Bowie albums and zone out with a good scotch, trying his best to get the thoughts out of his head that JD had put in  it .

\----------------

“Come on, let’s go check out the market,” Clara exclaimed as she  pointed  in the direction she wanted to go.

They had been wandering around the neighbourhood for over an hour, snapping various shots of buildings, people, and everyday life, both enjoying each other’s company. For Clara it felt like she was getting back to something normal, something she had enjoyed doing before her kidnapping. For the Doctor, he just simply loved being around her enthusiasm and had forgotten how much she seemed to enjoy life. It was nice to see her happy again, especially after he had been the one to cause her so much pain. He couldn’t help, but wonder if James had a hand in lifting her spirits and maybe they were getting more serious about their relationship. 

Once they reached the market they started looking at different stalls. Clara seemed drawn to  the handmade jewelry and would always scan over the  rings she would see. It almost looked like she was searching for something in particular .

“They’re all sterling silver, dear,” one of the ladies at a table mentioned.  “Would you like to try something on?”

“Ah, thanks, but I'm just looking.”

She looked a little longer and then they moved away from  the display.

“You seem really attracted to the  jewellery,” the Doctor stated.

“Yeah, just looking for a certain ring, but I've never been able to find it.”

“What kind of ring?”

“ Oh, it’s silly really.”

“Come on. If you’ve been searching for it, it must mean something.”

Clara looked down at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with the Doctor. She hadn’t told anyone  about this and felt weird sharing it, but she felt that she could trust him not to think she was being foolish.

“My mum had this silver ring, that I always loved as a little girl. It was just a band, but the pattern on it was very intricate, with swirls, waves, circles, and dots, all connected together. I remember thinking of the universe whenever I looked at it. I don’t know what happened to that ring, but I can’t help but look every time I'm in a market. I know I'll never find the real one, but just to see that ring again would, I don’t know, bring a little bit of her back to me.”

The Doctor placed a hand on her shoulder , causing her to look up at him.

“That’s not silly at all. You miss her, and that is very natural. Its been fifteen years since I lost  my mum and thirteen since my dad. There isn’t a day that goes by, that I don’t miss them. I'm pretty sure I will until the day I die. Don’t ever feel ashamed of wanting something that reminds you of her. ”

Clara smiled at him, feeling relieved  that he was understanding and  that it was perfectly normal to feel the way she did. None of her friends had lost parents and couldn’t relate to what she had gone through, so it was nice to talk to someone who had.

“Feel like grabbing a bite? I know I'm getting hungry and wouldn’t mind a pint,” the Doctor asked .

“Yes, that sounds great,” she agreed, appreciating the change in conversation.

They left the market and found a pub that just happened to be across the street from James' ice cream shop, which neither had realised until they sat at a table next to the front window.

“Does James live around here?” The Doctor asked, surprising Clara.

“No, he actually lives up near Regent’s Park.”

The Doctor just nodded, but didn’t say anything. Clara thought she might push a bit to see if she could gauge how he was feeling about his brother these days.

“What did you think about the shop, when you were there?”

“To be honest I didn’t really pay much attention. I was a tad bit preoccupied worrying about you.”

He smiled at her, to let her know that he wasn’t trying to bring up bad memories.

“Right. Well maybe we should go after here. The ice cream is pretty good.”

“Sure,” he replied, which again shocked Clara that he agreed so quickly. “Have you had a lot of it?”

Clara smiled at the memories of the times she and James ate ice cream. All of which usually included them having really intense sex, which of course she didn’t want to tell the Doctor.

“Not a lot, but James does like ice cream.”

The Doctor knew immediately what she meant. James had apparently not changed much since his younger days and he really didn’t need to hear the details from Clara. Lord knew he had gotten them from James back in the day.  Now the thought that he was doing that with Clara made his stomach turn. He pushed the thought out of his head and decided to change the subject.

“I had a pint with JD yesterday. Told me about their engagement.”

“Oh, yeah. I didn’t want to say anything last week because I thought he might want to tell you himself. You okay with it?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well you and Rose were going to get married. I just thought maybe you might have some lingering feelings.”

“No, none of that. We were a mistake and had we actually gotten married; it wouldn’t have worked out. I’m very happy for them and I’m glad that Rose has finally found love.”

“They do seem very happy together, almost to a nauseating level.”

“Well I haven’t really seen them together, so I’ll take your word for it. JD asked if I would be his best man, so I guess I’m going to have to witness it eventually.”

“Really?!” Clara exclaimed, surprised that Rose would be okay with that.

“I was just as shocked, but apparently, Rose is fine with it.”

“That’s good.”

“Are you and she okay?”

“We’re good. Thank you. I don’t know if you hadn’t talked to her if she would be so willing to forgive me, but I’m just glad that we’ve all seemed to have moved past it.”

“Well none of it was your fault. I’m the idiot who put the two of you in that position.”

“Like I said, we’ve all moved past it, so no need to beat yourself up over what happened.”

The Doctor nodded in agreement, but what he would never admit to her or anyone, was that he did beat himself up often about that mistake. He lost this wonderful woman because he broke her heart so deeply that she just couldn’t let him back in the way she had. All he could do now was appreciate that he at least had her in his life and work at moving on with someone else.

He changed the subject, not wanting to talk about their past any more. They  ordered lunch, had a drink and discussed other locations they may want ed to check out to take photos on another  day . Once they were finished, they made their way across the street to have dessert and were surprised to find the shop busy. While they were standing in line, the Doctor was looking around, getting a good chance to examine the business his brother had created. He couldn’t help, but feel a bit jealous of what  James had accomplished. He knew he shouldn’t, but it did seem like he had everything, including the woman he was once falling in love with. 

They moved further up the line and the Doctor noticed a young man enter the shop and go behind the counter. He didn’t look like the rest of the employees, which is what caught the Doctor’s eye. He watched him as he went into the back and came out carrying a duffle bag and then walked back out of the store, without really saying anything to anyone. He turned to watch him leave, and noticed an ice cream van parked out front that the man got into.

“When did James start the trucks?” He asked Clara.

“I’m not sure. We don’t really talk much about work,” she answered. “Why?”

“Just curious was all.”

He didn’t want to think what he was thinking, but what he just witnessed seemed awfully familiar to him and he wondered if he may have discovered why his brother returned to London. There was only one way to find out and that meant paying him a visit because if he was right about his suspicions, he didn’t want Clara getting involved in any of this.


	5. Chapter 5

James sat behind his desk staring out the window looking out at the city of London. This wasn’t exactly the view he used to have from his office in New York, but it still wasn’t too bad. His New York office was on the fortieth floor and over looked the hustle and bustle of Broadway. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss New York, the weather was definitely better, and the city just felt more alive than London ever did, but he was glad that he came back. He would have never met Clara if he hadn’t. Although perhaps things in his life wouldn’t be so complicated if he had decided to stay in America. He never wanted to have the kind of feelings he was having and he had managed to spend most of his life not having them, so now what was he to do ? He had seen Clara a couple of more times since the dinner with her father and both times, they just ate, watched a movie and then went to sleep. This was not supposed to be part of the deal and he wasn’t sure why he kept asking her over to his flat when he knew he wasn’t in the mood for sex. He just wanted to see her, hold her and to hear her laugh. He loved her laugh. He loved making her laugh, knowing that he was the one to cause her smile and eyes to sparkle made him feel happy.

His desk phone rang, bringing him out of his thoughts . 

“Aye.”

“Sir, your brother is here to see you.”

His brother? What the hell would he be doing here?

“Send him in.”

“You can go in,” James' receptionist said as she hung up the phone.

“Thanks,” the Doctor replied as he walked towards the big wooden door.

He took a moment before he opened it, gathering his thoughts and trying to control his anger. He wanted the truth and he knew he wouldn’t get it if he went in there all hot headed.  Hell, he knew he wouldn’t likely get it regardless, but he was pretty sure he would be able to tell if James was lying or not. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

“John,” James said as he stood up and walked towards him.

“James.”

The Doctor closed the door and stood there, while James extended a hand to him. He looked at it and then hesitantly shook it.

“Come, sit down.”

James walked over to a  seating area  to the right of his desk and motioned for the Doctor to sit on the couch.

“Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee, water,” James looked at his watch. “Scotch?”

“No, thanks.”

James took a seat in a chair across from the doctor .

“So, to what do I owe the visit?”

“ I saw something on the weekend and it has me a bit concerned.”

“And what was that?”

“I was at your ice cream shop with Clara, and noticed that you have  vans now.”

The Doctor could have left Clara out of it, but for some reason he wanted James to know that he still sees her.

“ I do, what ’s wrong with that?” 

James wanted to ask what he was doing with Clara, but didn’t want to let on to John that it bothered him. He was surprised that Clara never mentioned it when he saw her on Saturday night.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, if it’s on the up and up.”

“And what makes you think that it’s not?”

“The young man that came into the shop and came out carrying a duffle bag. That’s exactly how we used to run things with the  Doyles .”

“So what are you implying? That I'm working with the  Doyles ?” James questioned angrily.

“No, I'm implying that you’ve got your own operation going. ”

“I know you don’t like me, but how dare you come in here and make that accusation. ”

“ Look, I really don’t give a fuck what you do with your life, but Clara already got involved in your shite and I don’t want that happening again.”

“ So that’s what this is about. Clara. ”

“I don’t want to see her get hurt. ”

“If you didn’t want that, then maybe you should have kept your dick in your pants.”

The Doctor took a deep breath in as he clenched his fists . He should have known nothing good would come out of coming here and the only thing this was accomplishing was raising his blood pressure.

“Look, whatever happened between Clara and I is in the past. Yes, I hurt her, but she’s forgiven me and we are working at being friends . I care about her and if you’re into selling drugs, you need to stay the hell away from her.” 

“That’s not going to happen because you’re not the only one who cares about her.”

The Doctor  knew that James was developing feelings for her, it was obvious during their rescue of her. What he just didn’t know was how much he cared for her. He couldn’t stomach the idea of James falling in love with her, and she with him.

“James,” the Doctor gave him a warning tone. “I mean it, if anything happens to her again, I won’t be held accountable for my actions.”

James glared at him, “And exactly how much do you care about her?”

The Doctor knew the truth, but he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, least of all his twin. He returned the same icy glare.

“She’s a friend.”

“A friend that I think you’re never going to get over. Maybe  _ you  _ should be the one to stay away.”

“Well we can agree then that neither one of us is going to do that.”

“True,” James sighed and then took a deep breath. “Look, whatever it is you think I’m doing, I’m not. And we both want what’s best for Clara, but at the end of the day, I’m the one she’s with, not you.”

There was really no more point to this conversation. The Doctor didn’t believe him and in fact was more than positive James was lying. He  stood up and walked towards the door. “I don’t know what made you decide to come back here, but my gut tells me it’s nothing  good and I will find out what you’re  up to . ”

The Doctor walked out leaving James sitting  staring at the vacant spot his brother just left. The last thing James wanted was to hurt Clara or put her in any kind of danger , especially  after  what happened with the  Doyles . He ran a hand through his hair , a gesture he did when he was stressed. He should have never come back here. Life was simpler in New York, no angry brother, no  revengeful gang, and most of all no Clara making his old heart feel things he never had before.

He stood up and walked back to his desk to make a call. His brother wasn’t going to let this drop and he couldn’t let him find out  that he was right . 

“Hey boss,” the man on the other end of the line said.

“Hey Jerry. How’s everything at the  factory ?”

“Good, been really  busy. We’re just about to get the second van on the road.”

“That’s what I'm calling about. I want to take them off for a bit.”

“You sure? Business has been really good with the one. ”

“Yeah, I'm sure. I don’t want those trucks leaving  the factory.”

“Okay, but what should we do with the stock ?”

“Hold it until you hear from me again.”

James hung up, not giving Jerry a chance to question him further. River wouldn’t be happy to know that he had halted things here, but this was a move he was thinking about doing long before John had shown up. He agreed with his brother and he didn’t want Clara involved in any of this, mostly because he was sure if she knew the truth, she would leave him in a heartbeat. And the idea of losing her pained him more than anything he had ever felt before. He sighed, knowing that he couldn’t fight what he was feeling any longer. He was falling in love with Clara Oswald.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Clara to spend some quality time with Rose and Amy :)

“ Rose is really  anxious to plan this wedding,” Amy said as she and Clara sat on a bench outside a dress shop waiting for Rose.

“Weren’t you?” Clara asked.

“I suppose, but the wedding is still several months away. She has plenty of time to go dress shopping.”

“She’s likely really excited to start looking. I mean why wait.”

Rose had asked the two girls to meet her at London Bride to help her pick out a dress, and had told them that she and JD had set a date for the wedding that was still several months away because they had to wait for the venue Rose really wanted. 

“Should we go in and start taking a look?” Amy asked.

“Not necessary, there’s the bride to be,” Clara replied as she pointed down the street.

The two girls stood and greeted Rose before going into the shop. Clara thought she might get a headache from all the white, and floral  scents as soon as they stepped in, but Amy and Rose looked like they were two little girls in a candy shop. They were  welcomed by an older white haired woman, who looked like a walking fashion magazine. She sat them down and asked  what style of dress Rose was looking for and after Rose described it in detail,  the attendant went off in search of some  dresses .

“Wow, Rose, you have a very specific dress in mind ,” Amy stated.

“I know. It’s silly really, but I saw this dress years ago when JD and I started dating in Glasgow and it’s what I always imagined myself marrying him in. I know I won’t find the exact dress, but I'm hoping she can come close.”

“That’s not silly at all,” Clara told her. “You've waited a long time for this and should have what you want.”

“Thanks,” Rose smiled at  her.

“Okay, I can’t just sit here while  Cruella searches,” Amy stated as she stood up. “Let’s look ourselves.”

The three girls started looking  through racks of dresses, not finding anything that was close to what Rose had described. Rose had wandered over and started looking at bridesmaid dresses and Clara followed her.

“What do you think of this?” Rose asked as she pulled a dark red, strapless , satin dress out .

“I think you maybe want to get married in a different  coloured dress,” Clara answered.

“Not for me, silly. For you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I was hoping you would be my maid of  honour .”

Clara stared at Rose, shocked that after everything they had been through she would want her standing next to her  on the biggest day of her life.

“I mean, if you don’t want to, I understand,” Rose said again, sounding slightly sad that  Clara hadn’t answered.

“No! Of course I do!” Clara exclaimed . “I’m just surprised is all. ”

“ Don’t be. I've moved past  everything and JD has really helped me to understand that if what happened hadn’t , I’d be marrying the wrong man. ”

“That’s true. Leave it to JD to put that spin on it.” Clara smiled at Rose.

Rose put the dress back and then hugged Clara.

“What’s with the love in?” Amy asked as she came around the corner.

“I just asked Clara to be my maid of  honour and I’m hoping you will be a bridesmaid ?” 

“Of course! Now let me in ! ”

The three girls had a group hug just as the older woman came back and took Rose to try on dresses. Amy and Clara sat in the changing area while they waited for Rose to try on her first gown. 

“You want to grab dinner after this?” Amy asked.

“I’d love to, but I have plans.”

“With James?”

Yes.”

“So how’s that going?”

“Fine,” Clara answered not saying much more. She hated how Amy would always grill her about her relationship and she just didn’t want to share it.

“That’s it, just fine?”

“Yes.

“Okay. And how’s the Doctor?” 

Clara sighed, not wanting to talk about him either. “He’s fine.”

“So all the men in your life are fine?”

“Seems so, yes.”

“Did you find out the reason for the Doctor’s good mood?”

“Yeah, he’s seeing someone,” Clara replied trying to not make it seem like  no b ig deal.

“Really? And he told you?”

“Yes, but I also saw them together.”

“So is it serious?”

“He says it isn’t, but they looked pretty happy with the kiss I saw them share.” Clara was doing her best to be nonchalant about the whole thing.

“And how do you feel about this?”

“What’s there to feel? I’ve moved on, so why shouldn’t he.” Clara stated.

“Oh come on! I know he broke your heart, but Clara you were in love with him! It must have hurt a little to see him with another woman!” Amy exclaimed.

Clara didn’t want to admit to Amy that she may have felt a bit jealous, but that was probably only natural to feel that way. Luckily, they were interrupted by Rose stepping out of the dressing room in her first gown , so Clara didn’t have to answer Amy. 

Rose looked like a princess in a dress that wasn’t exactly like the  one she described to the woman, but was still a beautiful gown.  Clara couldn’t help but smile at the site of Rose, her excitement clearly infectious , and Clara now felt herself getting more into the dress shopping . After Rose tried on four more dresses, she was having a difficult time deciding between two, one a champagne  strapless A line gown with a flowy  chiffon skirt and silky  beaded bodice. The other was a similar style, but had more lace and was creamed  coloured . 

“Why don’t Clara and I model them for you?” Amy suggested. “That way you can see them on someone side by side.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Rose agreed. “Clara would you mind?”

“Anything for the bride,” she replied and took the champagne dress.

The woman and an assistant helped Amy and Clara get into the dresses. For Amy this was no big deal, but for Clara she was a bit surprised at seeing herself in a wedding dress. She had never really given much  thought about that day, but had to admit  she could see why some girls got carried away imagining and planning the biggest day of their lives . She stepped out of the change room and  both Amy and Rose gave a little gasp.

“Clara you look stunning,” Amy exclaimed.

“You too,” she replied as she stepped next to her friend. “Well what do you think Rose?”

“Did I look as good as you do in that dress?” Rose asked pointing at Clara.

“Yes,” both friends answered her at the same time.

Rose smiled. “I think that’s the one. They’re both really pretty dresses, but I just find myself being drawn to  the one Clara’s wearing.”

“Well let’s get her out of it and you back into it, ” the older woman said.

“Uh excuse me,” a younger shop girl came into the back change area from the front. “But there’s a man out here looking for someone named Clara.”

Clara looked at her friends who were looking just as confused as she was.

“Uh, can I just go see who that is?” Clara asked the older shop woman.

“Be quick, dear.  I'll just help Amy out of hers first .”

Clara  stepped out of the back and was surprised to see James standing at the front desk. Just as she started walking towards him he turned and Clara wasn’t sure, but she thoug ht  s he saw his jaw drop  just before the side s  of his mouth curled  into a smile .

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

“I, uh, was in the, uh area,” James stuttered as he looked at Clara complete ly  confused but in awe of how beautiful she looked. “Something you want to tell me.”

Clara looked down at herself. “Oh this,” she looked up at him again. “I was just helping Rose make a decision.”

“Well if she looks as gorgeous as you in that dress, she should choose it,” James replied finally getting his composure back. 

“Thanks,” Clara blushed. “And she did, which is why I need to take this off. We should be finished soon.”

“No rush, just thought  I’d  pick you up. I’ll be outside.”

Clara turned and walked back to the change rooms and James watched her, as she disappeared into the back. She was absolutely beautiful in that dress and he couldn’t help the thought that popped into his head. It was one that he had never had before and one he never thought he would have. He suddenly imagined her walking down an aisle towards him, looking even more amazing then she did just now. What the hell had this woman done to him. He shook his head and walked outside to wait for Clara to finish.

“Who was out there?” Amy asked, now changed back into her own clothes.

“James.”

“What? Is he still here?” Amy questioned.

“He’s waiting outside,” Clara answered as she opened the door to one of the changing stalls and stepped in.

It was odd that James would show up here, Clara thought. He had called her late this afternoon to see if she wanted to get together tonight and she had told him she was going to be dress shopping after work, but she would stop by after. She hadn’t really thought anything of it when he asked where they were shopping because the last thing, she thought  was that he would actually come to pick her up. Especially because his office wasn’t anywhere near here.

It was another twenty minutes before the girls finished in the shop and stepped outside. Clara was surprised again to see that James was leaning on his car parked outside the store and not inside  it. He was staring down at his phone and didn’t notice the three women walk out, but then glanced up when Clara approached him.

“Hey,”  James  said as he leaned into her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, sorry that took a bit longer,” Clara said as she glanced back towards her friends who were staring at James as if they had seen a ghost. “Uhm, James this is Amy and Rose.”

“Hi,” he said as he gave a slight wave to the girls. “I hear congratulations  are in order, Rose.”

“Ah, yes,” Rose responded, clearly in disbelief as to how much he looked like the Doctor. “Thank you.”

James looked at Clara and quirked an eyebrow at her, and Clara knew he was wondering what was wrong with her friends.

“Sorry, it’s just that Rose was engaged to John. I think they are both in shock as to just how identical the two of you are.”

“Ah, that explains it.”

“I’m so sorry,” Rose said. “I’m just amazed at how much you look like him.”

“Well our looks are about the only thing that we have in common.”

“Right, so anyway,” Clara replied as she stepped towards Rose and Amy to say goodbye. “I’ll call you later in the week to talk about dress shopping for Amy and I.”

She hugged Rose and then moved over to Amy. “Give Charlotte a hug and kiss from me and tell Rory I say hello.”

“I will,” she hugged Clara and then looked at James. “It was nice to meet you, finally.”

“You too. Clara talks a lot about you girls so it’s nice to put faces with the names now.”

James opened the back-seat door for Clara, who said a final goodbye before the two of them got in.

“We’re kind of close to your place. Do you want to pick something up and then go back there?” James asked.

“Sure,” Clara answered, giving him an odd look.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing,” she replied. “It’s just you’re a hard guy to figure out.”

“Is that so.”

“Yes, for someone who is not interested in being a boyfriend you really are acting like one.”

“And would that be horrible if I were?”

“Were what?”

“Your boyfriend?”

Clara stared at him hardly believing what she was hearing from him. Was he really asking her for a more serious relationship? This wasn’t what they were supposed to have and she wasn’t entirely sure she knew how she felt about it. She enjoyed her time with him, but did she want to be in a committed relationship and did she want that with James. Sure they had fun together, but she didn’t know if she wanted more than what they already had. Granted though, what would really change if they did take it to the next level? They did spend a lot of time together and as of late, not always having sex. She knew there was some stuff that James was holding back on with her, mostly when it came to his control with sex and that was definitely something that would need to be talked about. This was a far bigger discussion than she really wanted to have tonight, and now she had no idea how to answer him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter. Time to spice things up a bit.

James had no idea what possessed him to ask Clara that question. As soon as it left his mouth he wished he hadn’t and even more so from the look on Clara’s face. He needed to think of a way back from this and fast before she  said something that they both might regret.

“ Hypothetically , Clara. I meant hypothetically would it be so bad if I were. ”

Her expression softened a bit and he felt like perhaps he dodged a bullet. It was clear that she really wasn’t interested in anything more than what they currently had.

“Why would we want to ruin what we have now? I mean, this is pretty good so why complicate it.”

Clara wasn’t entirely convinced that he had meant hypothetically, but it at least gave her time to think about how she would really feel about it. She really didn’t want to  screw up what they had and she hoped he was still on the same page as her.

“It is and you're right. Just wanted to see if  trying on a wedding dress had you thinking of walking down the aisle.”

“Nope,” Clara lied because it had briefly crossed her mind. “ Just being a supportive maid of  honour is enough for me. Now can we please shut up about all this relationship and wedding crap and decide what we want to eat?”

“Happy to,” James answered.

He was relieved that he hadn’t fucked things up, but perhaps a little disappointed that it seemed Clara really didn’t want something more. Most of the women he had been with reached a point after a few months where they wanted  a commitment from him,  and he always turned them down. He had never been in this position and he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it.

The pair decided to pick up Thai food and took it back to Clara’s to eat. Clara was happy he had suggested her place because it might give her  the opportunity to  continue what she had planned the other night before her dad had interrupted their evening. She had hoped that night that she might be able to take control of their  extracurricular activities and put James in  a  more submissive role. It wasn’t that he was into hardcore bondage, but it did seem like he enjoyed using his tie, either as a blindfold or  to  restrain her .  He also wouldn’t have his release until she had hers and it didn’t matter how hard she tried to get him off first, he wouldn’t. Tonight she planned to change that.

They had just finished dinner when James mobile rang. He looked at it and saw that it was River and as much as he wanted to ignore it he knew he should deal with her sooner rather than later. It was easily the middle of the night in New York, so she must have just found out what he did earlier today.

“I'm sorry, luv, but I really need to take this ,” James said as he got up from the table.

“That’s okay. I'll just clean up and perhaps change into something more comfortable .”

James quirked an eyebrow at her and tilted his head. A look that Clara found absolutely adorable.

“I'll make this quick then.”

“Hopefully that’s the only thing that’s quick tonight,” she replied as she watched him step outside.

“What the fuck are you doing James ? !” River yelled on the other end of the line.

“Hello to you to,” James replied as he walked away from Clara’s flat, knowing this was going to get heated.

“ Just fucking answer me.” River was probably the angriest James  had ever heard her.

“Look, a situation came up and I had to deal with it.”

“By stopping the trucks from going out !”

Clearly someone at the factory ratted him out, and that would have to be dealt with tomorrow, but now he was starting to wonder if River had asked someone to report to her.

“Yes.”

“James there is a hundred thousand pounds in stock at the factory that we now need to get rid of ! You know we can’t risk holding onto it for too long !”

“I know, River! I'm not new to this fucking  business !” He yelled back at her.

“Does this have  anything  to do with that fucking tart you’re shagging?”

“Don’t you ever call her that again!” James growled through his gritted teeth. “This has nothing to do with her.”

“So then what!?”

“My bloody brother is on to me and came by the office today to question me about it. He’s not going to let up, River, so I decided to stop things until I work something out.”

“Without telling me!?”

“Last time I checked, you work for me! Not the other way around. I can make whatever fucking decision I want without consulting you!”

“Yes, but until you moved back to the UK you ran every idea , every decision past me !” He heard her take a deep breath, clearly trying to calm herself down. “Look, I know this is your business, but ever since Clara’s kidnapping you have been acting differently and it has me concerned, okay.”

There was more going on here with River, but he just couldn’t pin point what it was. There was no way should could be jealous. They had been together for a long time and not once did anything happen between them, nor did she ever show an interest, but now she was kind of behaving as if she were.

“There’s nothing for you to be concerned about. I left you to worry about New York, not London. So stay out of it unless I tell you I need your help. Is that clear?”

“Well there’s more stock set to leave here in  a few days, so you need to figure out what to do before then. And before you say can’t we sell it here; the answer is no.”

“Let me call the supplier and see what I can do.” James said.

“There’s nothing you can do. It was made clear that that shipment is meant to be sold in the UK, not here.”

“You’ve spoken to the supplier?” James asked, slightly concerned now. He was the only one who knew who his supplier was; for years that had been the case. River had asked him several times for the name but he would never give that up. He couldn’t. There needed to be a certain amount of trust and that was one of the few ways to gain it in this business.

“I did.” She said straightforwardly.

“How?”

“I have my ways.”

“River,” he gave her a warning tone.

“Don’t you,  _ River me.  _ I have a lot at stake here too, James. Remember that. Now what are we going to do about your brother.”

He really didn’t like where this whole phone call had gone and he just wanted to be done with it, so he could get back to Clara. He also didn’t like the tone that River was taking with him.

“ _ We _ aren’t going to do anything about him.  _ I’m  _ going to take care of this and I will call you once I have. Do you understand?” He asked, firmly.

“ Fine, for now.” River hung up.

He had no idea how he was supposed to go back into Clara’s feeling the way he did now. His blood was boiling and he wanted nothing more than to punch the wall. He needed to calm down. He took a few deep breaths and then walked back to Clara’s door, then a couple more before he opened it. When he stepped inside, he was surprised to see Clara lounging on the couch in nothing but a red satin and lace teddy, holding his discarded tie between her hands. He had completely forgotten she had said she was slipping into something comfortable. 

“Everything okay,” she asked as she ran the tie between her fingers.

“It will be,” he answered as he walked over towards her.

After his argument with River he needed to get some control back and tying Clara up with his tie would help a lot in making him feel better.

“So where shall I tie you up?” he asked as he looked around her flat.

“Oh no,” she said as she stood up. “I’m not the one being tied up, you are.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “Come again?”

“You heard me. I’m tying you up. Now strip.”

He wasn’t sure how to feel about this. He didn’t like to give too much control up when it came to sex and t he times that he did he would alway s be in a position where he knew he could get it back when he wanted. He had never let her tie him up before and in fact, had never let any woman do that.

“Clara,”

“No,” she said firmly. “I have let you tie me up every time you have wanted to. Now it’s my turn.”

He still hesitated at doing what he was told. Clara had never been this firm with him and it likely would have been a turn on if he hadn’t just fought with River. Right now all he wanted to do was push her up against the wall and slam his  dick into her.

“Can I make you a deal?”

“No. No deals. I want  you naked with  your hands tied behind your back while I suck your cock so hard  you explode in my mouth. ”

He couldn't deny that hearing her talk like that while wearing  that outfit was a huge turn on. Just thinking of her on her knees in front of him, wrapping her soft lips around  him was making him grow  hard .

“Do you not trust me?” Clara asked and he could hear a hint of sadness in her voice.

“Of course I trust you. I trust you more than anyone. ” He knew he needed to do this for her, despite how uncomfortable it might make him feel.

He stared at her as he started unbuttoning his shirt and his heart  skipped a beat to see her smile. She stood back and watched as he began to undress, eyeing him as if he were her favourite dessert. Once he was down to his boxers he pushed them to the ground and Clara licked her lips at seeing his  cock that wasn't fully erect yet. He knew once  she took him in her mouth she would breathe more life into him.

“Now what?” He asked as he kicked his  pants aside.

“Turn around and put your hands behind your back. ”

He did as he was told and didn’t know what Clara was doing until  he felt his tie being wrapped around his wrists.  It felt tight, but not too tight. It was just enough that he knew he couldn’t get out of it, but also didn’t hurt. He then felt her run her hands up his arms  and  then a soft kiss on his back between his shoulder blades.

“Turn back around and move over to stand in front of the chair.”

Once again , he did as he was told . Clara stood in front of him and kissed him and he immediately felt frustrated that he couldn’t run his hands through her hair like he normally did. However his frustration subsided when he r hand slid down his chest , over his stomach and then began stroking  his growing member.

“Seems  you'r e enjoying this more than you thought you might.”

“ Oooh , you do make it hard not to.”

“Well ,  my intent was to make it hard.”

She  dropped to the ground and looked up at him as she continued sliding her hand up and down his shaft .

“And looks like I’ve succeeded ,” she said just before she opened her mouth and slid  his cock inside it.

She began twisting and twirling her tongue around him and he couldn’t take his eyes  off her. She was alternating between speed and pressure and it felt so good that he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out. He desperately wanted to stop her, make her slow down, but with his hands  tied that was really difficult to do.

“Oh Clara,” he sighed. “You’ve got to slow down.”

His words only seemed to encourage her to go faster and to actually take all of him in and down her throat. The slurping sounds she was making during her enthusiastic sucking was not helping the matter either.

“Clara, I’m going to  come. Please, luv.”

She looked up at him, and pulled him out of her hot mouth. “Please what?”

“I want to fuck you while I  do . Can you untie me, so I can?”

Her hand continued gliding up and down his slick cock.

“Later. Now I want you to  come for me.”

She took him back into her mouth and bobbed her head in time with her stroking. With her other hand she cupped his bollocks and began gently massaging them. He was trying very hard to not explode, but she was making it very challenging.

“James,” she said as she pulled him out of her mouth again. “I need you to let go.”

“ Ahh , Clara,” he sighed as she pumped him. “I like the control.”

“I know you do, that’s why I'm doing this.” She licked  the drop of  liquid that was forming on  his tip. “Either let go, or I’ll stop and this night ends here.” 

“I just want to fuck you. I want to fuck you so hard, Clara.”

“And you will, but first I want to taste you. I want you to  come so hard in my mouth that it drips down my chin.”

She slid his hardness into her mouth again and began devouring him with a pace that he had never  experienced before and he knew he couldn’t deny her what she wanted. 

“Oh fuck Clara! Don’t stop, please don’t stop!”

He didn’t think it was possible for her to go any faster but she did and it wasn’t long before he groaned his release. She swallowed around him, wiping her chin as she looked up at him with her big brown eyes. She licked her lips as they turned into a smile, clearly proud of what she accomplished. He was trying to get his breathing under control when Clara stood up and kissed him hard on the lips.

“Thank you,” she said as she pulled away. 

“I think I should be thanking you,” James replied. “No one has ever made me beg before.”

“I plan on making you beg for a lot more.”

“I’m going to need some time to recover, luv.”

“I know, but I thought I might give you a show while you do.”

“So, can you untie me now?”

“Not yet.”

“I just so badly want to touch you,” he whined.

“I know you do, but you’re going to have to wait.”

She walked into the kitchen and came out with one of her dining room chairs.

“Sit,” she ordered.

He knew he needed to go along with her, so he walked over and sat, with his arms going behind the back of the chair. Clara walked over to her record player and put an album on. James immediately recognized the song as Closer from Nine Inch Nails and he couldn’t stop the grin that came to his face. He watched as Clara started moving her hips, swaying them back and forth in beat to the music. She then turned around, continuing her dance and as  she  ran her hands over her breasts, squeezing and rubbing them until he saw her taught nipples through the flimsy material of her teddy. She walked closer to him, her hands now running down her body and back up, each time her teddy lifting higher and higher. This was pure torture for him to watch her and not be able to reach out and touch her, to run his hands over her, and then  slam her down on his cock.

She continued her dance, eventually lifting her lingerie over her head and throwing it at him, where it hit him in the face then fell to the floor. She finally moved close enough to him that he was able to  lean forward and capture a nipple between his lips. He moaned around her breast,  relieved to be able touch her, even if it was just with  his mouth. He moved to the other nipple and suckled on it  before Clara pulled away, leaving him to whimper at the loss.

“Clara, I just want to touch you. Please let me touch you.”

She grinned at him. “I have to say I kind of like this begging side of you . And I think from the looks of it, you do too.”

He was starting to get hard again and Clara happily noticed that his cock was rising to the challenge . She straddled his lap, as she stroked him between her legs and once he was hard enough, she lifted up and then brought herself back down on him. She was so wet that he easily slid inside. At first, she didn’t move, just sat there while she ran her hands up and down his arms, but then slowly began to ride him. She began an agonizing rhythm of stopping and starting, which left James feeling utterly frustrated and in need of a faster pace.

“God, Clara, you’re killing me.”

“Am, I?”

“For all that is holy, can I please touch you,” he panted.

Clara thought she had put him through enough. She had succeeded in controlling him and if she were honest with herself, she did really want him to touch her. She reached behind and loosened the tie enough for him to wiggle his wrists and free his hands. As soon as he  did , his hands flew to her hips to hold her in place as he stood and moved them over to the couch, where he laid her down and began pumping into her like a well-oiled piston. His thrusts were hard and fast, and there was no way he was slowing down. 

“Yes! Oh fuck yes!” Clara screamed. 

James knew he was going to come hard again and normally he would make sure Clara did first, but he just couldn’t control himself. He needed this release and he needed it now.

“Clara,” he panted. “I’m so close.”

“Me too.”

He thrust deeper and could start to feel Clara tightening around him then she gave a loud moan, which he then spilled into her before collapsing next to her.

“My god woman.” 

Clara was trying to get her breathing under control. “Good?”

“So fucking good.”

James pulled her into him and spooned her on the couch while they were both trying to gain their composure.

“So you would be okay with me doing that again?” Clara asked.

“Yes.” 

“Good because I really enjoyed making you beg.”

“I could tell.” He paused for a moment. “Sorry I was so reluctant in the beginning.”

“That’s okay, you got there eventually.”

“Yeah, but our sex shouldn’t just be about me and what I want. I always thought that because I was pleasuring you, that I was taking care of you, but I never once thought that you might like to be in the position of power.”

Clara couldn’t believe that he was actually admitting what she had thought all along. She turned around so she could face him.

“Thank you.”

Clara was starting to have second thoughts about  J ames not wanting more from their relationship . He was showing her a side of him, she was sure he hadn’t shown anyone and that idea made her happy. But there was just something in the back her mind that kept telling her to keep her guard up and not fall for him completely. She just wished she could pin point why that was.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Missy and Clara to finally meet. How will the two women react to each other?

“What kind of coffee do you want?” James asked Clara as they were standing in line at a coffee shop not far from Clara’s flat. 

“A non-fat, latte.” 

James had spent the night after their evening escapades and the two had woken up too late for Clara to make coffee. She had assumed that James would just call his driver and head home to get ready for work, but instead he offered to ride the tube with her. He then suggested they stop and pick up coffee on their way. She was starting to think that there was some truth behind him wanting to be her boyfriend, but she didn’t really want to address it because she still wasn’t sure what she wanted. 

They had just placed their order and were standing off to the side waiting, the two chatting about their day ahead when James glanced at the door when it opened. 

“Damn it,” he whispered. 

Clara turned to see who was there and saw the Doctor and Missy getting into line. 

“I thought you two were going to be civil to each other?” Clara asked. 

“We were, but that doesn’t mean I want to run into him before I’ve had my coffee. Why is River’s cousin with him?” 

“They’re dating.” 

Oh great, this was just getting better and better. 

“How long have they been seeing each other?” 

“Not long. I just found out about it.” 

“Is it serious?” 

“He says it isn’t.” 

Just then James made eye contact with the Doctor, who gave him a small nod. James returned the gesture and once the other couple had ordered their drinks, they stepped over to Clara and James. 

“Hi,” Clara said as they approached. 

“Hi,” the Doctor responded, only looking at Clara. 

There was a small awkward pause, until Missy gave a fake cough, drawing attention to herself. 

“Oh, uhm, Missy, this is Clara and you remember my brother,” the Doctor said as he motioned to the couple. 

“Oh so you’re the ex,” Missy exclaimed. 

“Ah, I guess,” Clara said, not really sure how to respond to that. What had the Doctor told Missy about her? 

“Well you certainly have a type, don’t you dear.” 

“Missy,” the Doctor gave her a warning tone. 

Missy looked at the Doctor. “What? I’m just stating the obvious. She’s dating your twin brother for God’s sake.” 

Clara couldn’t believe the nerve of this woman. She was clearly trying to take a jab at her and there was no way she was going to stand by and let that happen. 

“I guess I do,” Clara answered. “Clearly, the Doctor doesn’t though.” 

She looked at the Doctor, not fully believing that he would be with someone who seemed so rude. 

“Well, obviously his taste has improved,” Missy responded. 

“Improved? What the…” 

“James,” the barista called from the counter. 

“Oh thank god,” James whispered, thankful for the interruption from whatever comeback Clara was going to sling. 

He grabbed their coffees and then turned back to the group, handing Clara her cup. 

“Well, you two have a good day,” James said as he put his hand at the small of Clara’s back to guide them away. 

“We will. Lovely to see you again James and nice to finally meet the woman who broke his heart,” Missy responded as she looked at Clara and motioned to the Doctor. 

“Okay, Missy, enough,” the Doctor said. He had never seen this side of her and he didn’t particularly like it. “I'm sorry, Clara.” 

“ _You_ have nothing to apologise for. I'll call you later about the weekend.” 

She wanted to be sure to let Missy know that she had plans with him this weekend and that she was still very much a part of his life. 

“Sounds good,” the Doctor replied. 

Clara and James exited the shop and made their way to the tube station, both relieved that the awkward exchange was over. 

“So you’re seeing John this weekend?” James asked. 

“Yeah, we’re going to take pictures at Hyde Park, then that night, Amy and Rory are throwing an engagement party for Rose and JD.” 

James didn’t respond and Clara wondered if she sensed a bit of jealousy in his tone. 

“Where’s the party?” He eventually asked. 

“At Amy and Rory’s house. It’s nothing big, just a house party with a few of their friends. Amy will use any excuse to have people over.” 

“Sounds fun,” James replied and again Clara was trying to gauge his tone. 

“You don't want to come, do you? I mean you always said you never wanted to do that kind of stuff.” 

It was true he didn’t, but he would do about anything if it meant being able to spend more time with her. 

“Is John bringing his delightful lady friend? Because if he is, I could help run interference with her since she seems like a royal bitch.” 

“I’m not sure. But if you want to come, you can. Purely to run interference, of course.” She gave him a slight smirk. 

“Alright, I think I could be your body guard for a night.” 

Clara wasn’t looking forward to the smug attitude Amy would give her when she told her James would be coming with her on Saturday night. She was pretty nonchalant about meeting him at the dress shop, but for sure she wouldn’t stay that way. 

\------------- 

The Doctor glared at Missy once James and Clara left. It was already an awkward situation that she didn’t need to make worse. 

“Boy you’re grumpy,” Missy said. 

“I'm not grumpy. I just don’t think your behaviour was called for.” 

“What, really? John, she broke your heart. I don’t particularly want to be nice to anyone who did that. And how is that you’re still seeing her?” 

“We’re friends.” 

“Again I ask, how can you be friends with someone who hurt you?” 

The Doctor hadn’t told Missy much about Clara. She knew, from the opening, who she was and that he had a relationship with her, but he had never told her the details of their break up. He had only been honest with her to say that he was trying to get over her and wasn’t sure if he was ready for a serious relationship. Missy had clearly jumped to the conclusion that Clara had broken his heart. 

“She didn’t hurt me, Missy. I hurt her.” 

“How?” 

The Doctor sighed, not wanting to get into it again, but knowing he should likely tell her the truth. 

“It’s a long story, but when I met Clara I was engaged. I cheated on my fiancé, Rose, with Clara, and what I didn’t know was that they were friends from university.” 

He could tell that Missy was processing what he said before she spoke. Luckily the barista called his name and he picked up their coffees. The two left the shop and finally Missy spoke again. 

“Were you in love with her?” 

“I was.” 

“And now?” 

He wasn’t sure how to answer her. He was working really hard at moving past her, but every time he saw her something pulled at his heart. He knew it would be best if he stayed away from her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Especially, knowing that his brother was likely up to his old tricks and she could be in danger. 

“Your hesitation tells me yes,” Missy said. 

“It’s not so cut and dry. I told you when we started dating that I was trying to get over someone.” 

“Kind of hard when you still see that someone. What exactly are you two doing on Saturday?” 

The Doctor could tell Missy was jealous and he didn’t want her to feel that way. She really had nothing to worry about because Clara was with James now, but maybe he needed to prove to her he was serious about moving on. 

“We’re going to take pictures and then there’s a party that night for Rose and her new fiancé.” 

“Wait you’re going to a party for you ex fiancé?” 

“Yes. Rose is marrying a friend of mine and I’m the best man.” 

“Do you know how all of this sounds to an outsider?” 

“I’m starting to hear the craziness of it all when I lay it out like this.” His life truly sounded like a soap opera. “I’m really not looking forward to this party and if I could skip it I would.” 

“Well it sounds like it will be interesting, that’s for sure.” 

“Do you want to come with me? Would be nice to have someone else there that I know.” 

The Doctor hoped that this might prove to Missy that he really was trying to get over Clara. He also really did want t a distraction in case James was there. 

“Okay,” Missy agreed. “Definitely sounds like a party that I wouldn’t want to miss.” 

\-------- 

James walked into his flat and immediately went to his office to find a phone number. The tube ride had given him time to think about what to do with his current supply at the factory and he hoped that he would be able to get rid of it by the end of the day. He made his call and waited for the person on the other end to pick up. 

“I thought we agreed to stay out of each other's way.” 

“And hello to you too, Mickey,” James said into his phone. 

“I don’t have time for pleasantries. What the fuck do you want?” 

“I have a proposition for you, but I don’t want to talk about it on the phone. Can you meet me at my factory in two hours?” 

“What kind of proposition?” 

“One that will make you money.” 

There was silence on the line. 

“Fine. I’ll meet you there,” Mickey Doyle replied before hanging up. 

James hoped he hadn’t made a horrible mistake, but he really couldn’t see any other way out. He didn’t want his brother finding out and he needed to get rid of his current supply. It was during his tube ride that he remembered his conversation with Mickey Doyle when he went to pay the ransom for Clara. 

******** 

_James watched his brother run through the field towards the warehouse. He had never intended for_ _Clara_ _to get mixed up in any of this, but leave it to the fucking_ _Doyles_ _to still hold him accountable for a 30-year debt. He just prayed that they didn’t hurt her or do anything worse to her. He pulled into the parking lot and saw that one of the gang members was outside waiting. He had no idea how many men would be involved in this deal, but he knew he needed to keep his guard on high and try to remain calm. He got out of the car and the man took him inside where he saw, Paul his driver,_ _Mickey_ _Doyle, and another man._

_“You son of a bitch!” James yelled at Paul._

_“Now, now,”_ _Mickey_ _said. “Paul was just doing his job. But maybe you should vet the people that work for you a bit better in the future James.”_

_“Fuck you, Mikey. Where the hell is Clara?!”_

_“She’s fine. We have done nothing to her accept keep her locked in a room in the back.”_

_“Pardon me if I don’t believe you.”_

_“Paul, pass me your phone.” The man did as he was told and handed his phone to Mickey who showed it to James. “See, she’s fine.”_

_James could see Clara sitting on a chair in an empty room. She looked okay, but he still didn’t believe these goons._

_“Okay, so I give you this money and were square, right._ _You leave me and everyone I know alone.”_

_“_ _Not quite. There’s one other deal we need to make,”_ _Mickey_ _replied. “See we know what’s going on with your business and_ _the new enterprise you plan on setting up._ _I'm sure as you know we have_ _our_ _territory and we don’t really like when people invade it._ _”_

_“I'm well aware, Mikey.”_

_“Good, because we’ve been doing this for a number of years with no issues and we’d like to keep it that way.”_

_“Do you not think I did my research before I came back here? I know there is one pocket_ _of London that no one controls_ _because of the tourists and that’s the area I'm going after._ _”_

_“So we have a deal then, you’ll stay out of our_ _neighbourhoods_ _and pay back the money you stole from us, and we’ll give you_ _the lass back.”_

_“Yes,” James handed the briefcase he was holding over to Paul who opened to see_ _the cash_ _and started counting the stacks._ _“After this I don’t want to see you_ _or_ _your men again._

_“Agreed. Let’s go get your girlfriend.”_

_******_

James arrived at the factory thirty minutes prior to Mickey’s arrival and was just going over some paper work he needed to do for Mondasian, when Mickey and another guy arrived, James' driver showed them into the office James was working out of. 

“Okay, can we make this quick.” Mickey said as he walked in. 

“Very quick.” James nodded to his driver, letting him know he could leave. He still wasn’t sure who the snitch was in his company so his trust wasn’t very high right now. “Look, I’m doing some restructuring and I have some product I need to get rid of because I can’t sell it right now. I’m willing to sell it to you at a lower cost, but we need to make this deal today.” 

James knew he could make a deal with Mickey that would be slightly higher than what he paid, but still lower than what Mickey was getting from his supplier here in the UK. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but it would work for now, while James figured out what he was going to do. He needed to get all this shit under control. 

“And how much do you want for all of it?” Mickey asked. 

“A hundred and fifty thousand pounds. Which I think you’ll find is a fair deal.” 

“Make it, one twenty-five.” 

“One thirty and that’s the lowest I can go. I’m not that desperate Mickey.” 

“Fine.” They shook hands. “I’ll get you the money by five and send someone to pick up the stock.” 

They finalized the deal, and James felt slightly relieved knowing that the current stock would be gone, but then he needed to figure out what to do about River. He didn’t want to tell her about the Doyles being involved, but he knew she would likely find out. The question was should he tell her about the thirty-thousand-pound profit he had just made or keep it a secret. For now he thought he would keep that information to himself, until he sorted out what to do about her and the rest of his problems, most of all what he wanted to do about his feelings for Clara. 


	9. Chapter 9

“I think we got some really great photos today,” Clara said as she and the Doctor came out of the tube station.

They had spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon in Hyde Park, getting various shots of people, nature, and even the odd animal. It had been a really relaxing time, both of them feeling at ease, for the first time in a long time, which was  likely because neither of them had brought up their meeting in the coffee shop earlier that week. Clara was, however, wondering if Missy would be coming to the party and wasn’t sure if she should bring it up. 

“I think  the photo you got of that older couple on the bench was really nice, ” the Doctor added. 

“Yeah, I’m glad we spoke to them and I was able to find out where to send them a copy.”

“They will absolutely love it.”

The pair turned down the street with  the  record shop they  liked  to go to and decided to pop in and see if there was anything new. It had been some time since they had been there together, but they immediately slipped into their old routine of quietly searching and sharing albums. They were both flipping through the alternative rock section when Clara finally decided to ask about the party.

“So you’re going to the engagement party, right?”

“I think as the best man I have to.”

“Right . I still can’t believe that the two of them chose the two of us to stand beside them.”

“Well it is a little odd, that’s for sure , but without us  they wouldn’t  be together, in a weird twisted way of fate.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true ,” Clara replied, flipping through more albums and not looking at the Doctor. “So are you bringing Missy?”

The Doctor  suddenly had a feeling of dread  overcome him. They had intentionally avoided the topic of Missy, but now it seemed he couldn’t. 

“Uh, yeah, I am. I hope that’s okay?”

Clara was disappointed to hear that as she was hoping tonight might be a chance to get James and the Doctor interacting more socially . However, with Missy that wasn’t likely going to be the case.

“Of course, it’s okay. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I just wasn’t sure after the other day if  it would be.”

“It’s fine. Well not fine the way she spoke to me, but fine that she’s going to be there.”

“I really am sorry about that. I spoke to her after and, not that it justifies it, but she misunderstood our break up. She thought that you broke my heart and was angry about that. So maybe you two just got off on the wrong foot.”

“Maybe.” Clara flipped through some more records, neither of them saying anything until the Doctor spoke again.

“Is James coming with you?”

“Yes .”

More flipping and silence.

“ I didn’t think he would be into that kind of thing ,” the Doctor stated quietly, not paying attention  to  the albums he was searching through.

“Me either . But I guess people can surprise you. Are you going to be okay with him there? Because honestly, I thought you  were both working towards being civil, but after the other day, I'm not so sure.”

The Doctor didn’t want to bring up his confrontation with James, mostly because he knew Clara wouldn’t listen without proof , but he did feel like he should at least try and warn her .

“I just don’t trust him and I really question his motives  for coming back here.”

Clara moved to a different section and started flipping through more vinyl. The Doctor moved with her and started looking through the stack next to her, both just going through the motions more than anything.

“What other motive would he have other than to expand his business,” Clara stated.

“You’ve never questioned him about it?”

“Sure, when I first met him, but why would I do that now?”

“Maybe because of his past,” the Doctor tried to push her.

“What about it?”

“You don’t wonder how a kid from Glasgow created a successful business from nothing?”

“Lots of people do that. Why should he be any different?”

The Doctor couldn’t believe just how much Clara seemed to trust him, which really was beginning to worry him. He knew how James felt about her, but maybe her feelings were more than what she wanted to admit. Being subtle wasn’t seeming to work and he was going to have to be a bit more straightforward. He stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

“Clara, he was able to move to New York and start his business because of money he stole from a gang of drug dealers.” 

Clara stopped what she was doing and turned to look at him. Was he seriously implying that James hadn’t given up the life of crime?

“And what, I’m supposed to judge him on his past mistakes? Should I judge you on yours?”

“No.” The Doctor was frustrated now and knew he didn’t want to continue on this path with her, which is why he should have just let it be until he had proof. “I just think you should be careful around him because I’m not entirely convinced that his motives are in the right place.”

Clara didn’t say anything because she wasn’t sure how to respond. She understood that after the kidnapping the Doctor was concerned for her, but she was an adult and was capable of taking care of herself. There was something inside her that didn’t want to admit that he had a point and that maybe this was the reason she wasn’t letting herself fall for James. She really just wanted to drop the whole subject. I mean, he really wasn’t in a position to chastise her on who she chose to date. She still had no idea what he even saw in someone like Missy.

“Can we just drop it?” She asked.

“Fine. You done?”

“Yeah,” Clara responded and the two made their way over to the cash.

They walked the rest of the way home in silence and the Doctor wanted to get things back to the way they were before he opened his big mouth. As they approached Clara’s flat he stopped outside while she searched for her keys.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean anything by it and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you, Doctor. I just want you to know that I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll stop worrying about you.”

Clara smiled at him, unable to stay mad at him after saying something so sweet.

“Truce,” she said as she extended her hand to him.

“Truce,” he replied as he shook her hand and smiled at her tenderly.

Clara returned the smile, both holding their hands a little longer than they should. 

“So I’ll see you tonight then,” the Doctor said as he finally let go of her hand.

“Yes, absolutely.”

Clara found her keys and made her way inside to start getting ready for the party, while the Doctor headed back to his flat to do the same. She wasn’t looking forward to seeing Missy again, but at least she would have James . She had no idea what to think about  the Doctor’s insinuations and really had no time to think about it now. It was already four and James was going to be here in an hour and a half to pick her up.

\--------

James had spent most of his Saturday dealing with a pissed off River. He had decided to come clean to her about how he got rid of their current stock, which she was not pleased about, but at least happy it was gone. There was another shipment set to arrive in a few days and she was very implicit that the vans should be running again. They got into another argument about who exactly was the boss of this operation, as River was suddenly getting rather power hungry. When he got off the phone with her, he called his supplier in New York, wanting to know how the hell River had found out about him, even though he knew damn well how. The supplier told him he approached her out of concern for the business in the UK, since his sources told him things weren’t moving out the way they should be. James urged him to stop talking to River and to only deal with him, but he wasn’t sure how much he could trust him. He had known his supplier a long time and there had never been any issues of trust until now.

He was now standing outside Clara’s flat waiting for her to answer her door,  wanting very much to put his day out of his mind.  He wasn’t really paying attention, when her door  opened to reveal the woman who could take his mind off everything. She looked gorgeous , as always , wearing a pair distressed skinny jeans, knee high  black boots, a silky purple  tank and a dark grey blazer with three quarter sleeves. Her hair was down and in waves and her smile told him she was just as happy to see him as he was her.

“Hey beautiful,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Ready to go?”

“I am. Just need to grab my  keys.”

Clara picked up her stuff and the couple made their way over to Amy and Rory’s house which they decided to walk to since it was a nice night. It also was delaying the inevitable grilling that Amy would no doubt give James when she finally had him on her turf.

“Maybe we could just keep walking and not bother with the party,” Clara said as they turned down Amy’s street.

“I thought you were looking forward to  it ?”

“I was, until I heard that the Doctor is bringing Missy. And I also know that Amy is going to grill you for as much information as possible.”

“Oh, I can handle Amy. Don’t worry about that. As for John, focus on the more handsome brother and how he’s going to ravish the hell out of you when we get home tonight.” James slipped his hand into Clara’s and brought it up to place a gentle kiss on it.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Clara that his statement implied they had a shared home and she wondered which place he was referring to. She also couldn’t help but notice that he was now holding her hand while they were walking down the street, which he never did. It was nice and Clara felt herself relax a little as they approached Rory and Amy’s house. She knocked on the door and took a deep breath as James kissed her on the cheek just as Amy came and answered the door.

“About time you arrived,” she said to Clara.

“I asked you if you wanted help and you said no.” Clara and James stepped inside as Amy shut the door. “Amy, you remember James.”

“Yes. Nice to see you again.”

“You as well,” James replied.

“So where do you need my help?” Clara asked.

“I don’t need your help, but a couple of Rose’s friends from work are here and they are dull as shite. Rory’s been trying to entertain them, but I swear they have no sense of  humour .”

“Well this sounds fun,” Clara remarked. “What exactly am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, but at least you’re someone else to talk to.”

“Ladies, let me get this,” James said. “I talk to a lot of dull people on a regular basis.”

James walked off into the living room leaving the two girls in the hall.

“So still not your boyfriend?” Amy asked with a smirk.

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying, you two seemed very close when I opened that door.”

“Yeah, well only time will tell what’s going to happen there. Just don’t talk to him about it, okay.”

“I’m not making any promises,” Amy replied as she walked towards the living room and Clara followed.

“Rory, I see you met Clara’s boyfriend James,” Amy announced as she walked in and saw the two men chatting with the other couple.

Clara sighed, knowing Amy would do her best to make things uncomfortable for her. The two girls joined the group and to Clara’s surprise James was quite chatty with the other guests and Rory. It wasn’t that she had thought he wouldn’t be, but she had just assumed he wouldn’t be very social and only wanted to interact with her. 

A half hour went by and a few more people arrived including JD and Rose, who greeted their friends and then made their way into the kitchen where Clara and James were getting a drink.

“Hello!” JD exclaimed when he walked in and saw the couple.

“Hey you two,” Clara said as she walked over and hugged them both. “JD this is James and Rose you already met.”

“Hi,” James replied and extended a hand to JD. “Congratulations.”

“Blimey, you are identical, aren’t you?” JD exclaimed staring at James in shock.

“Well we are twins, so yes,” James replied as he smiled at JD.

“Sorry,” JD said.

“It’s okay, Clara brought me up to speed with everything, so I’m well aware of how odd this all is.”

“I think it’s going to get even odder once the Doctor gets here,” JD replied.

“Well if you think it’s all too strange, I can leave,” James offered, politely.

“No, please don’t,” Rose chimed in. “You’re Clara’s guest and we’re all adults here. I think we can manage to make it through a night without an incident.”

At that moment Amy walked into the kitchen with the Doctor and Missy behind her and if a record player had been playing it would have come to a screeching halt  as all the pairs in the room began eying each other. Let the night begin, Clara thought.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get this party started!

“ Doctor,” JD said as he walked over to shake his hand. “I'm glad you made it.”

“You told me I didn’t have a choice.”

“True, but I still thought you might bail.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes at him before he turned to Missy.

“JD, Rose, this is Missy.”

“So lovely to meet you both,” Missy said as she shook their hands.

“You too. It’s nice to meet the woman who has been causing this old wanker to be less cranky at work ,” JD replied.

“Well glad I can be of service ,” Missy replied.

The Doctor glanced over at Clara and James and gave her a  tiny smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Clara replied.

“Well isn’t this all awkward,” Amy added. “Oh would you hear that, I think that was the door.”

Amy left the three couples alone and went back out to the living room.  A silence overcame the room, none of them really knowing how to start the conversation .

“Would either of you like a drink?” Clara offered.

“A beer would be great, thanks,” the Doctor answered.

“Red wine for me,” Missy replied.

Clara opened the fridge and took out a beer, while Rose poured a glass of merlot.

“So Missy, tell us about yourself? The Doctor here hasn’t said much ,” JD questioned.

“There’s not much to say. Grew up in Glasgow, moved here almost a year ago.”

“And what brought you to London?” Rose asked as she handed Missy her glass.

“Work. ”

“And what is it that you do?” Clara asked as she gave the Doctor his beer.

“I'm in PR , freelance mostly.” 

“ Sounds interesting. And how did you meet?” JD asked. 

“My cousin works with  James and invited me to the opening of his new shop. As soon as I saw this man, I knew I needed to get to know him better , but of course I really didn’t get a chance to then because poor Clara  had been kidnapped.”

Missy glanced over at Clara and gave her a sad smile, which Clara interpreted as the most fake  insincere gesture ever.

“Luckily,” Missy continued. “Clara was found and a few weeks later, the Doctor called me.”

“Yes, fascinating story. Can we talk about something else?” The Doctor chimed in, hating to talk about himself or his relationship.

“I think we should go mingle,” Rose suggested to JD.

“Right you are. We’ll catch up with you later.” JD added and the couple left the kitchen.

“So what kind of freelance PR do you do?” James asked. “River hasn’t told me much about you. In fact, I never even knew she had a cousin from Glasgow.”

James was curious about Missy. There was something  that he didn’t like about her,  and it wasn’t just how she had treated Clara in the coffee shop. There was something that he  just  couldn’t put his finger on  about her. It was true that River had never told him about a cousin from  his home town , which he thought would have come up in the years they had worked together .

“I don’t see why it matters. I mean, you have a twin brother from Glasgow and you never told her,” Missy responded.

“I suppose, but then again I had my reasons for that. The two of you must not be very close.”

“We’re close enough,” Missy replied and then turned to the Doctor. “Do you know where the loo is?” 

“It’s down the hall, first door on the left,” Clara answered, knowing the Doctor wouldn’t know.

“Thanks,” Missy replied, barely acknowledging her before she walked off.

“So do you know what her job is?” James asked the Doctor.

“PR,” he answered curtly.

“Yes, but what kind?”

“I don’t know. I don’t ask much about her work and she doesn’t ask much about mine.” 

“So what exactly do you know about her?” James asked again.

“Enough.”

James eyed his brother and wondered what he was doing with a woman like Missy anyway. She didn’t seem his type, at least from what he remembered when they were young men. It also didn’t seem that he was getting anywhere with his questioning and didn’t really see any point to continue speaking with John.

“Okay, well great talk. I’m going to go find some people who might be more interested in a conversation.”

James walked off towards the living room, leaving Clara and the Doctor alone. 

“Why can’t you at least try and be nice to him?” Clara asked. “He’s clearly trying to make an effort and you’re giving him nothing in return.”

“You know why and if I recall we called a truce today.”

“Fine.” Clara gave a sigh. “I’m going to see if Amy needs a hand with anything.”

“I’m sorry, okay. Don’t run off because I angered you.”

“You didn’t anger me; I just wish you two would get a long.”

“Why is it so important to you?”

“Because you’re brothers.”

“So. Lots of people have siblings and they don’t get along. Why is it so important to you that  _ we _ get along?”

“I don’t know.” Clara had never really thought about it. “Maybe because we’re friends and it might be nice if you were friends with him.”

“So what, we  can  double date? Hang out together? Because honestly Clara, I wouldn’t want to do that even if he and I were on better terms.”

Clara just stared at him. It seemed that ever since their conversation in the record shop they had both been on edge and it always surrounded the topic of James.

“You’re right. I’ll stop trying to push it.”

“Hey, here you are,” Amy said as she walked into the kitchen. “A bunch of people are in need of some drinks. Can you give me a hand?”

“Absolutely,” Clara answered as she looked at the Doctor. 

“Oh and I think, your girlfriend was looking for you to rescue her from a conversation in there,” Amy added.

“She’s not my girlfriend, but I’ll go see what I can do.” He walked out of the room.

“Wow, you two and your ‘they aren’t my boyfriend / girlfriend’. Maybe you just need to make a commitment to each other instead of hiding behind other people.”

“Amy, enough, okay?” Clara replied exasperated.

“Fine, just give me a hand.”

\----------

A few hours had past and the party was going pretty well. Everyone was mingling and for the most part no drama had been caused between any exes and new partners. Clara, who had been chatting with one of Rose’s friends from work, and was now standing off to the side watching Amy talk to James. She could only imagine what they were talking about, but they both looked like they were enjoying the conversation. She then moved her attention to the Doctor and Missy, who weren’t really socializing with anyone, but instead keeping to themselves. She couldn’t help but be curious to watch how the couple interacted with each other and noticed that Missy was constantly touching the Doctor, who clearly wasn’t that comfortable with public displays. He wasn’t rude, but every time Missy would wrap an arm through his and lean into him, he would slightly shuffle out of her grip. She chuckled to herself watching the display, taking satisfaction out of the fact that Missy seemed to be more interested in the Doctor than he was of her. At least that’s what it appeared to Clara. She knew she shouldn’t be happy about that, but she just felt that Missy was the wrong woman for him and that he would be better suited with someone who seemed more caring than Missy.

“ So James seems very nice,” Amy said as she walked up next to  Clara , startling  her out of her thoughts.

“He is,” she responded as she looked over and saw the man in question chatting with Amy’s husband.

“He likes you a lot. ”

“Well I should hope he likes me.”

“No, I mean he likes you more than just as a shag buddy.”

“What gives you that impression? ” Clara questioned.

“Many things. One , he came to this party, which you said he wasn’t into. Two , he picked you up at a bridal shop , which if you're just friends with benefits, you don’t do. Three, he had dinner with you and your dad. And four, the way he looks at you. He doesn’t look at you with lust Clara , he looks at you like a man falling  in love . ”

Clara was still watching James with Rory and smiled at seeing the two men interact. James must have felt her watching him because he looked over and smiled, giving her a slight wink. Amy was right and  as much as she had been trying to tell herself it wasn’t true, there was no denying that his feelings had changed.

“I know,” she responded.

“So then what are you standing here for. Go tell him how you feel and  start working on building a proper relationship.”

“It's not so easy , Amy.”

“Seems pretty easy to me . Or do you not feel the same?”

“ I  like him very much, but I’m just afraid to open my heart completely. ”

“Clara, you need to move past what the Doctor did.” 

“It’s not that. At least I don’t think it is. I just don’t know what it is that is stopping me from letting my walls  down.”

Clara glanced over towards the Doctor and saw he was chatting with JD, Missy gone from his side.

“Do you still have feelings for the Doctor?” Amy asked.

“No.”

Amy stared at Clara and gave her a suspicious look. The one she always gave her when she thought she was lying.

“I think you need to do some soul searching, Clara. Figure out which brother you want because right now you’ re stringing both of them  along and that’s not fair to either of them . ”

“I ’m not doing that Amy.” 

“Maybe not intentionally, but as an outside observer it looks that way to me.”

Clara was tired of all of this and just wanted to get away. “I  need some air,” Clara said as she turned and made her way outside.

She didn’t want to talk about  it anymore , but she knew Amy was once again right. If James was indeed falling for her, she needed to decide if she wanted more with him. But the damn Doctor had  p ut thoughts in her head that she couldn’t stop thinking about and there was no way she could get involved with James if the Doctor ’s accusations were correct. She stepped out into the backyard and saw Missy was on her mobile.

“I know.  I told you not to worry and that I would take care of it.” Clara overheard Missy say into her mobile and then hang up.

Missy opened her hand bag , took out a cigarette and lit it before she noticed Clara was standing there.

“How much of that did you hear?” Missy asked tersely.

“I didn’t hear any of it,” Clara lied. “I just came out to get some air.”

Silence descended upon the two women, both clearly not knowing what to say or really even wanting to talk to each other.

“Are you enjoying the party?” Clara finally asked deciding small talk was better than nothing.

“It’s fine,” Missy answered as she took a drag off her cigarette. “Look, let’s be honest. You and I are not going to be friends, so let’s just not bother with the annoying small talk.”

“Well that’s true, but shouldn’t we at least try and get along with each other. I mean, I don’t have anything against you, Missy.”

“Really? Because I find that very hard to believe. I’m shagging your ex.”

Clara cringed at the visual that popped into her head. She just didn’t want to imagine the Doctor having sex  with this woman. Curious though, that she described their relationship like that.

“So is that all he is to you? Someone to shag?”

“Well, I don’t think there’s a chance of there being anything else, thanks to you.”

“Me? What the hell do I have to do with your relationship?” Clara questioned, irritated by Missy’s claim.

“He’s never going to commit to another woman as long as you’re hanging around him.” Missy bit.

“He’s my friend and I have every right to spend time with him!”

“Sure, if you were just friends, but you and I both know it’s more than that.”

“It is not more than that!” Clara was getting extremely angry now. “The Doctor and I have not been together in well over a year and I have moved on!”

“To his identical twin! That’s not moving on.”

“How dare you! You don’t know anything about my situation and have no right to comment!”

“You’re right, but what I do know is that I can never compete with ‘perfect Clara’. No woman can. I'll just have to be satisfied  with being the woman he goes home and fucks .”

“Well I guess that just makes you a slag,  then doesn’t it?”

She was livid and couldn’t stop the words from leaving her mouth.

“Perhaps, but at least it’s my name he moans .”

Clara was just about to tell Missy to fuck off when the door opened and the women turned to see the Doctor walk out. 

“This is where you went,” he said to Missy. “I was wondering where you were.”

“Oh, just had to take a call and then wanted a cigarette.” Missy threw it to the ground and then stamped it out.

“Is everything okay?” He asked sensing tension between the two women and noticing Clara looking out into the garden.

“It’s fine,” Missy answered.  “But  I've gotta deal with something that came up with work , so I'm going to have to go. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I can leave with you, if you want?”

“No, you should stay. I'll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay, well I'll walk you out then.”

The Doctor glanced over at Clara who hadn’t looked at  him once since he came out. Something  had  happened, that he was sure of, and he needed to find out what.

“Enjoy the rest of your night, Clara,” Missy said with just a hint of disdain.

“Yeah, you too,” Clara replied  tersely, turning around briefly to look at the older woman then gazing back  out into the garden.

She heard the door and felt a sense of relief knowing she was gone. How dare she imply the things she had and how on Earth could the Doctor be with someone like that. She was a cruel woman who seemed selfish and uncaring, both of which the Doctor was not. She had had just about enough of this party, between Amy and now Missy, and she was ready to call it a night herself. She turned around to head back in and saw the Doctor step outside again.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I'm fine,” she answered as she turned away from him again.

“No you’re not. Something’s bothering you.”

She sighed heavily. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

She felt him come and stand next to her, but she still wouldn’t look at him.

“Did Missy say something to you?”

“Her, Amy, every bloody person who thinks they know what’s going on in my mind. I’m tired of it.”

“What did they say?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

They stood there in silence, the Doctor not wanting to leave her alone, but also not knowing what to say. He knew not to push her to talk about things she didn’t want to discuss, but he also wanted to know what Missy had said to her that upset her.

“I can talk to Missy and tell her to ease up on whatever she said.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Clara, I want to help you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what happened.”

Clara turned and looked at him finally and he could see just how upset she was. She hadn’t been crying, but there was a rage in her eyes, that he hadn’t seen  in a long time .

“I don’t need you to help me. I just need everyone to butt out of my love life!” She yelled and then took a calming breath. “Look, I don’t know what you’ve told Missy about me, but it’s very clear that she’s jealous. I also don’t know what your relationship is with her, but she’s not a nice person, Doctor, and I don’t understand how you can be with someone like her.”

“I haven’t told her anything other than the brief synopsis of what happened between you, me and Rose. I needed to be honest with her, Clara because I’m trying to move on from all of this, much like you have.”

“And have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Moved on.”

It was the Doctor’s turn to look away from Clara. He wanted to tell her yes, but he knew that wasn’t the truth.

“As I said, I’m trying.”

Clara looked at him and saw just how much it pained him to admit that. Everyone was right. He was never going to be able to move on as long as she was in his life. It was foolish for her to think that they could be friends.

“I don’t think we can see each other anymore,” she said quietly.

The Doctor snapped his head around to look at her. That was the last thing he wanted. 

“No, Clara. We can do this.”

“No we can’t. If you really want to be with Missy, then you need to give that a chance and you can’t do that as long as we keep seeing each other.”

The Doctor suddenly felt sick to his stomach at the thought of not seeing her. He couldn’t let her walk out of his life.

“Please, Clara. I lost you once, I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Neither of us are going to move on if we don’t stop seeing each other.”

It didn’t go unnoticed by the Doctor what she had just said. She hadn’t gotten over him either. Of course she hadn’t, not when she was sleeping with his carbon copy. 

“And how do you plan on moving on when you still get to sleep with someone who looks just like me?” He knew it was a low blow, but he was being honest. 

Clara just stared at him, hurt that he would say that. What did she have to do to prove to people James wasn’t a substitute for the Doctor?

“In my eyes, you’re two very different men, so don’t you ever say that again.” She spat.

“Just how do you think it makes me feel to see you with him? You say that it will be easier for us to move on if we don’t see each other, but I don’t have someone that looks like you to help me.”

“It’s more than just looks, John! The two of you are very different and your appearance is where the similarities end.”

“So you can honestly, look at me and tell me, that you are one hundred percent over me and want to pursue a relationship with him.” He took a step close to her, not letting her look away from him.

Clara felt cornered and all she wanted to do was run away. She didn’t want to answer him, she didn’t want to explain herself to anyone.

“Yes,” she whispered and looked down.

“Look me in the eyes and say that,” he said as he took a step closer.

All she wanted was for a hole to open up and swallow her, transporting her back to the safety of her flat. Her head was spinning with so many thoughts and she couldn’t grab hold of any of them.

“Clara, please just look at me.” 

She could hear the desperation in his voice and it was only making it worse.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t, okay. Please can we just drop all of this.”

“No. Not until you look me in the eyes and tell me you’re over me.”

There was a tiny voice deep inside her that was telling her to stop running, to face this head on, to look him in the eyes and say what she wanted to say. But there was another voice that was telling her not to. To run. She very easily could just slip away and go back inside, but she wasn’t. Something was keeping her glued to this spot, letting him inch closer and closer. She felt his hands on her shoulders and suddenly all she wanted to do was melt into his touch.

“Just tell me the truth. If you’re over me, then I will walk away from you right now and not look back, but if there is a glimmer of hope that you’re not, then I’m not going anywhere.”

She looked up at him and saw his pleading eyes and before she had a chance to respond his lips were on hers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! It's nice to hear that people liked that chapter. Let's see how Clara reacts to the Doctor.

Clara felt the Doctor’s soft lips pressing against hers and for a split second she leaned into the familiar touch before she realized this was wrong. She brought her hands up to his chest and easily pushed him away before the brief kiss turned into something more. 

“I can’t do this,” she said as she stepped back from him. “We can’t do this.” 

“Clara, please.” The Doctor reached for her, but she stepped further back. 

“No! I should have never let you back into my life. All it’s done is fuck us both up! You and I both need to move on and I am doing that with James.” 

“Clara,” 

“No. No more Doctor.” 

Clara walked towards the door and when she opened it, she saw Rose was standing just inside. She wasn’t sure if her friend saw or heard anything, but she didn’t care right now. All she wanted to do was find James and go home. 

“Hey,” she said to Rose. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m getting kind of tired so I think I’m going to find James and head out.” 

“Sure,” Rose answered. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, just a bit of a headache.” 

Rose eyed her and Clara knew she had likely seen something. 

“Okay, feel better and call me if you need anything. And I mean that, Clara.” Rose hugged her. 

“I will, thanks.” 

The Doctor was standing outside, staring up at the sky when he heard the door open. 

“Clara, I’m,” he started to say as he turned around then stopped when he saw it was Rose. 

“Sorry, not Clara.” 

Rose walked over and stood next to him. 

“What are you doing?” She asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Have you learned nothing from your mistakes.” 

The Doctor looked down at her. “What mistakes?” 

“Us, Clara, your infidelity. I saw you try and kiss her.” 

Oh great, as if things weren’t already a mess, now Rose had seen what had just happened. 

“It’s not what you think it is.” 

“Then what is it? Because it looks to me that you’re not over her and you're not willing to accept that she’s moving on. Which by the way, I thought you were doing too?” 

The Doctor sighed and ran his hand through his curly hair. 

“I am.” 

“Doesn’t look that way.” 

“What am I supposed to do, Rose?” 

“Do what you should have done all along. Be honest. And start by being honest with yourself. You aren’t going to find your answers until you start doing that.” 

“I don’t think I'm the only one who needs to be honest.” 

“Doesn’t matter. Let Clara worry about Clara. If she wants to lie to herself than that’s her business. But maybe she isn’t lying and if that’s the case you need to accept the choice she’s made, whether you like it or not.” 

“I can’t lose her.” 

“You might have to, Doctor.” 

She turned and walked back into the house leaving him alone with his thoughts. He thought he was past the one lie that messed everything up, but it just kept coming back to haunt him. He made one stupid decision and now everything was so fucked up. 

\-------- 

Clara and James were walking down the street in silence. James knew something was wrong base on how abruptly she wanted to leave, but she kept insisting she just had a headache. He reached for her hand and he was relieved that she let him hold it, but he could tell her mind was someplace else. 

“You sure it’s just a headache? Missy didn’t start something with you, did she?” 

“It’s just a headache.” 

“Okay,” he replied and they continued in silence until they got to her flat. 

Clara opened the door and threw her keys on the nearby table, before unzipping her boots and kicking them to the side. She walked into the living room and turned on a side table lamp. 

“Uhm, so I guess I'll just go,” James said from the door. 

Clara looked at him, really for the first time since she had come inside at the party, and saw how sad he looked. She was overcome with a sense of guilt at how she had been on the way home and felt bad because none of this was his fault. 

“Don’t go,” she said as she walked over towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, returning her hug. 

“I'm not sure about much right now, but I know I don’t want you to leave.” 

“What happened tonight?” He asked again, pulling back to look at her, but holding onto her arms. 

“Nothing that a good night’s sleep won’t fix. Can we please just go to bed and forget about all of this?” 

He could tell that he wasn’t going to get anything out of her tonight, but maybe she would feel like talking in the morning. 

“Fine,” he answered as he kicked off his shoes. 

James agreed to turned off the lights, while Clara went and got ready for bed. It wasn’t until she was behind the closed door of her bathroom that she finally let her guard down and the tears started to flow. Her life was a complete mess and she had no idea what to do. Between, Amy, the Doctor and Missy she had thoughts running through her mind that she hadn’t had before. Not to mention she was sure that James was developing stronger feelings for her, which for any normal woman would have been a good thing, but maybe she wasn’t normal. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t open her heart to someone so great? Was it the things the Doctor accused him of or was it that she wasn’t ready for love? And did the Doctor put those thoughts in her head to try and push her away from James because he clearly wasn’t over her. He never seemed the type that would do something like that, but then again, he had cheated on Rose just to be with her. 

“Fuck my life,” she said to herself as she turned on the tap and started washing her face. 

She did her best to get herself under control and to be sure there were no signs of tears before she joined James in her bedroom. She walked in and he was already on what had become his side of the bed, sitting there bare chested with the sheet pulled to his waist. 

“I really liked your friends,” he said as she was changing into a tank top and short shorts. “They seem really nice. Amy’s a bit of character.” 

James had no idea what to say to Clara in her current state and thought this might be a good start. 

“Yeah, they’re great. Annoying sometimes, but at the end of the day I love them like family.” 

“That’s good. I think it’s safe to say they definitely feel the same about you. Amy really grilled me, trying to find out my intentions towards you.” 

“Sorry about that,” Clara answered as she got into bed next to him. 

“That’s okay. I actually didn’t mind.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. She cares about you and wants what’s best for you. It’s clear she doesn’t agree with the arrangement we have, but I think as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters to her.” 

Clara didn’t say anything, but just switched off her side table light and rolled over to snuggle into James, who adjusted himself into a more comfortable position. 

James had no idea what was going on inside Clara’s mind and it was beginning to bother him. Most people he could read, but she was different. Always had been. 

“You are happy, aren’t you?” He asked, dealing with this the only way he knew how, be straight and open. Maybe it was time he opened up to her a bit more. 

“Pardon?” She questioned. 

“Are you still happy with our arrangement?” 

“Yes. Why would you ask that?” 

“I just wondered if maybe someone said something to you tonight that made you want to rethink this. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you just seem like you’re deep inside your head.” 

Clara gave a heavy sigh. She really didn’t want to talk about it, but he wasn’t going to drop it. Maybe now was the time to bring up what the Doctor had warned her about. 

“I’m not rethinking this, James. But to be honest, the Doctor has put some ideas in my head that I think I need to ask you about?” 

Great. He knew his daft brother would talk to Clara about his suspicions. 

“He thinks I’m some sort of drug king pin, right?” 

Clara sat up and turned the light back on. This was clearly a conversation that wasn’t going to be short. 

“You know?” 

“Yes,” he answered as he too sat up. “He came by my office to accuse me of dealing drugs.” 

“That’s why you two have been even colder than normal to each other.” 

“Yes. Sorry I didn’t tell you, but I thought he would have dropped it after we spoke. I should have known he wouldn’t.” 

“Why does he think that you are?” Clara questioned him. 

“He thinks he saw something at my shop when you were there with him.” 

James needed to tread lightly with this conversation. Obviously, he couldn’t tell Clara the truth, but he didn’t want to lie to her either. It would be so catastrophic if she knew that the Doctor was right. Not only could it put her in danger again, but he would absolutely lose her forever. 

“Look, Clara I don’t know what he told you, but I’m not the bad guy here.” 

“I know you’re not. I just think he doesn’t understand why you came back.” 

“I’ve spent most of my life running. I ran away from home and I didn’t look back. Sure I built a life for myself in New York, but what was the point of that life. I never got married. Didn’t have kids. I barely have friends. I was lonely and I wanted to be closer to home. I meant what I said when you first asked me that question, Clara. I missed the UK and even though I knew I didn’t have a relationship with my brother, at least I would be physically closer to him. I wanted to stop running.” 

This was the truth, at least part of it. After his last birthday, he had started thinking about his life and realized that other than money and a successful business he had nothing to show for it. He spent most of his time trying to hide who he really was from the people around him and could never get too close to anyone. He started thinking more and more about home and decided to maybe see if he could expand Mondasian to the UK market. He hadn’t planned on moving back completely, but when he had mentioned this to River, she started talking about expanding not just the ice cream business, but his other activities as well. They did their research and discovered there was an untapped market in London and plans went into motion. What he hadn’t planned for in all of this was falling in love and now wanting to leave the bad part of his life behind. 

Clara stared at him and could see that he was being very sincere. She could see a sadness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen before. He always tried to play the hard business guy, the guy who only seemed to care about money and not forming actual relationships, but that wasn’t him at all. She leaned forward and placed her lips on his catching him off guard at first, but then he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer to him as they slowly kissed until Clara pulled back and smiled at him. 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” He asked. 

“For opening up to me. You don’t share your feelings and that was nice to hear. I just hope that I help you feel a little less lonely.” 

“You do,” he smiled at her and brought a hand up to caress her cheek. 

He so badly wanted to tell her just how she made him feel, how hard he was falling for her, but he knew now wasn’t the time. He could tell that she wasn’t on the same page as him and he didn’t want to push her, but he knew there was going to come a time very soon when he wouldn’t be able to hold it in any longer. He just hoped that when he finally told her that she would be able to tell him the same.


	12. Chapter 12

The Doctor woke up on his couch, still dressed and with a pounding headache. After the grogginess cleared, he remembered coming home from the engagement party, putting on his Kills album and opening a bottle of whiskey. He was pretty sure he had fucked everything up with Clara and was a complete idiot for trying to kiss her. What the hell was he thinking? He should have known she would have reacted the way she had and all he likely succeeded in doing was pushing her more towards his brother. He stood up and went into the kitchen to get some water, drinking it until the glass was empty. He poured another and walked towards his bathroom, but as he passed through the living room, he heard his mobile ringing. He looked around and spotted it on the floor near the couch. He picked it up and saw that it was Missy. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hi,” she answered. “Thought I’d call and see how the rest of the party was?” 

“It was fine.” 

He had no idea what to do about her. He hadn’t spent the entire night drinking his sorrows away about Clara, but he had also thought about his relationship with the woman he was currently dating. He knew Rose was right last night and he needed to stop lying to himself and the truth was that he wasn’t over Clara. Missy deserved to be with someone that she could have a real relationship with, and that wasn’t going to be him. 

“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to get together later. I’ve got some stuff I need to do this afternoon, but I could meet up with you after.” 

“Uhm, I actually have a ton of papers I need to grade, but maybe tomorrow night,” he lied. 

“Okay, well call me when you’re free.” 

The Doctor agreed and ended his call, relieved that he seemed to buy himself some more time to think about his relationship. He decided a shower might help clear his head, so he made his way to the bathroom, stripped and got in. The hot water felt good running over his weary body, and was helping him feel a little more alive. He knew he needed to apologise to Clara, but he also knew she wouldn’t want to hear from him today. He kept coming back to what Rose said to him and as much as he hated to admit it, she was right. Clara was out of his control and the only thing he could do was control his feelings, but how could he do that when he didn’t want to lose her and he especially didn’t want to lose her to his brother. He wondered if she were dating someone else if he would feel the same way and the truth was, he would. He was jealous and he needed to do something about it. 

\-------- 

Clara woke up the next morning and saw that James was still peacefully sleeping. She didn’t want to disturb him, so she got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen to make coffee. She was glad that James had opened up to her a little bit last night, but she knew she was going to need more if she was even going to consider a relationship with him. She still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling her. Problem was she didn’t know how to find out, especially if he wasn’t willing to talk. Then there was the other issue she had, the Doctor, whom she thought had moved on, but clearly hadn’t. She needed to talk to him and make it clear that they just couldn’t see each other again. 

“Coffee smells good,” James said as he walked into the kitchen and brought Clara out of her thoughts. 

“Should be ready in a bit. Do you want breakfast?” 

“Would love some,” he answered. 

He moved forward and took Clara into his arms, nibbling on her neck. 

“I meant food,” she giggled. 

“Oh, too bad because I was going to drag you back to bed.” 

“Really? You weren’t just going to try and shag me on the counter?” 

“Well we could do that if you want. It has been awhile since we’ve done that.” 

“No, actually, I’d rather we do it in a bed for once, since it's the one place we haven’t done it.” 

Clara’s tone wasn’t quite annoyed, but was definitely bordering on it. She hadn’t intended to bring this up, but since he started them down this path, now seemed as good as any to have it. 

“Why is that?” She asked. 

“What do you mean? The first time we were intimate was in my bed.” 

James knew what Clara was getting at, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Why did he have to go and mention dragging her back to bed because now he would have to explain himself and that would mean revealing something, he wasn’t ready to do. 

“You going down on me, isn't the same as us having sex in a bed.” 

“I just said I wanted to drag you back to the bedroom.” 

“James, I'm not going around in circles with you. Either tell me why, or go home.” 

Clara wasn’t in the mood for games. She was completely tired of it. 

“Fine. Do you want to go sit down?” 

“Okay.” 

The two went into the living room and sat on the couch, Clara waiting for James to speak. 

“I don’t want you to read anything into this, okay?” 

Clara nodded her head and agreed. 

“I’ve always seen having sex in a bed as being something intimate. Something a lot more meaningful than two people shagging for pleasure.” 

“I see,” Clara replied, not sure how to feel. She thought what they had been doing felt pretty intimate and didn’t see how doing it in a bed would be any different. “So what we have isn't meaningful?” 

“No, that’s not what I meant at all.” 

This was precisely why he didn’t want to discuss this. He had hoped to make love to Clara, to show her the feelings he wasn’t ready to say out loud, but now his big mouth had gone and ruined that. 

“It’s more a rule that I set up as a way of protecting myself. I never wanted to form relationships or true feelings for the women I slept with. Sharing a bed was something I never did.” 

“But we share a bed all the time.” 

He knew he was going to have divulge something to her if he wanted to get out of this situation without a fight. He just wished he knew where her head was at. 

“Yes, we do. You’ve made me break a few of my own rules Clara, and I imagine a few more the longer we’re together.” 

Clara didn’t know how to take that. Was that his backwards way of saying he wanted more with her? 

“So you want to have sex in a bed with me, is that what you’re saying?” 

James took a deep breath and reached for Clara’s hand. 

“I'm saying when the time is right, yes I do. But you need to understand what that means to me. Having sex in a bed isn’t just having a shag, it’s opening myself up to you in a way that I’ve never done with any woman. If I do that with you, I want to make damn sure you feel the same.” 

Clara was shocked to hear him almost admit what she thought was true and she didn’t know how to process it. 

Once again James couldn’t read Clara’s expression. Had he said this to any of the other women he had been with they would have been declaring their love for him on the spot. He wasn’t being arrogant, he just knew that out of the handful he’d had similar relations with, he ended it once he knew their feelings had changed. It wouldn’t have been fair to them if he continued using them for sex. It was okay when they used each other for that, but once feelings got involved, it was over. This time, however, it seemed that he was the one who had fallen and not the woman. 

“I don’t want to freak you out, which is why I don’t want you to read into this.” 

“I'm not. I just don’t know what to think.” 

“I don’t either. You’re a very difficult woman to read.” 

“I find that hard to believe.” 

“For me you are. You’re nothing like any of the women I’ve been with and maybe that’s why I'm so drawn to you, but I really wish I knew what you were thinking.” 

“You just need to ask.” 

“I did, last night, and you didn’t want to talk about it.” 

Clara sighed knowing she should tell him about the Doctor trying to kiss her, but she didn’t want to cause further issues between the two. There were a lot of feelings rolling around in her head and she really needed to process them before she shared with anyone, including James. 

“I'm sorry, but I think I just need to sort somethings out myself.” 

She gave him an apologetic look. 

“That’s okay.” 

He had his own issues to sort out as well, so he couldn’t fault her for that. 

The coffee maker beeped, indicating the coffee was ready, and was a welcome interruption for Clara. The pair made breakfast, avoiding any further discussion of relationship stuff and once they finished eating, James got dressed, deciding he should head home to give them both a break to clear their thoughts. 

“Call me when you want to get together, or even if you just need to talk,” James said as he stood by the door. 

“I will, same goes for you.” 

James just nodded, feeling like he was somehow saying a more permanent goodbye to her. He wanted to make sure she knew that she was more to him then just some shag, but he didn’t want to say too much. 

“I know none of this is easy for you.” He placed his hand on her cheek and lightly caressed her soft skin with his thumb. “But know that you mean a lot to me, Clara, and I care for you very deeply.” 

“Thanks,” she smiled at him. “I care about you too.” 

James leaned forward and kissed her slowly and tenderly, trying to put the feelings he couldn’t say into the action. Clara returned the kiss with the same tenderness, until James pulled away. He left with a final goodbye and Clara closed the door, leaning against it. She appreciated that James was opening up to her, but why was she unable to open her heart to him. Was she still so messed up from the Doctor? Maybe what she needed right now was some distance from both men and some time to focus on herself and what she really wanted. 

James left Clara’s flat and despite his uncertainty about her feelings, he knew what he wanted to do. Opening up to her had made him realize that long before he had met her, he had wanted out of his life of crime. He had been going through the motions for so long that he had convinced himself he was happy, but he really wasn’t. He knew now what it felt like to be truly happy and it was because of Clara. The only problem was that once he came clean to her he would surely lose her. However, there was one person who deserved to hear the truth before she did, and that was his brother. Being back and seeing him again made him see just how much he missed him and the connection they once had; no one knew him better than his twin did. Maybe, just maybe, if he told him everything that happened after he left Scotland, they could work at repairing their relationship and he’d have his brother back. But he knew by telling John he would have to tell Clara and before any of this could happen, he needed to put his exit plan into motion. Question was, what was that? 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to have these brothers chat. Thanks to everyone who is reading an sticking with this incredibly long story, but we are over half way done, so kudos to all of you!

The Doctor had been trying to get in touch with Clara for  a couple of days and  he hadn’t had any luck. He left her numerous messages trying to apologise, but nothing. All he wanted was to go back to the way things had been and tell her he had made a mistake trying to kiss her, but she wasn’t returning any of his calls. He decided to give it a rest for now, knowing that he couldn’t force her to talk to him. And  who was he to complain when he was doing the same to Missy. Well not exactly, he was still taking her calls, but just making excuses to not see her. He just wasn’t ready to deal with that until he had spoken to Clara.

He was currently sitting in his living room playing his guitar , strumming a random  melody that he had written after he lost Clara the first time . It was a slow, melancholy  tune that reflected the way he was feeling at the time, but it was also a song that now reminded him of her so it made him feel good. The volume was turned up on his amp and it wasn’t until he paused to think of another chord that he heard knocking at his door. Likely, one of his neighbours wanting him to turn the volume down. He  put his guitar in  its stand and got up to answer the door, wishing he hadn’t as soon as he opened it.

“What the hell do you want?” The Doctor asked grumpily.

“And hello to you too ,” James replied.

The Doctor didn’t  say anything , but just glared at him , not moving to let him in.

“I was hoping we could talk ,” James said, holding up a bottle of scotch. “I brought a peace offering.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Not even for a  bottle of twenty - year  Glenfiddich ?”

“I don’t care about your damn  whiskey.”

“Fine. Look I really need to talk to you and I think you're going to want to hear what I have to say.”

The Doctor was skeptical, but he could hear the desperation in his voice and was curious as to what had his twin feeling this way. He stepped aside and walked away from the door, allowing James to enter.

James closed the door behind him and set the bottle down on a  nearby table. He glanced around the room and instantly felt at home, despite  the fact that he wasn’t really welcome. The Doctor had decorated the place very similar to the place they had shared in Glasgow, albeit a little nicer and a lot more bookshelves . He was overcome with a feeling of home and knew that he was doing the right thing by coming here. The Doctor had taken a seat in his chair, next to his guitar, so James decided to sit opposite him on the couch.

The Doctor stared at James, waiting for him to speak. He wondered if Clara had told him about what had happened at the party and he had come here to tell him to stay away from her, but he didn’t think that was the case because he likely would have shown up here a lot sooner.

“Nice place you have here,” James finally said.

“Yeah, well I’m sure it’s not as nice as the place you have,” the Doctor replied, short tempered.

“I wouldn’t say that. My place feels cold, compared to what you have.”

“What exactly is it that you want to tell me? Because I’m sure you didn’t come over here to discuss my flat.” The Doctor was getting annoyed by the unnecessary small talk.

“Right.” James took a deep breath. “I’m not really sure how to start this.”

The Doctor could see that James’ hands were  fidgeting and he knew that meant that James was nervous about whatever it was he wanted to say. He had been that way when they were kids and he clearly hadn’t changed. He was the same and remembered back to his conversation with Clara when he told her about being in prison.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning.” It was the advice Clara had given him.

“I’m not even sure where the beginning is. I’ve kept things locked inside for so long I don’t even know if I’m capable of doing this.”

“Opening up isn’t easy, but you might feel better once you get it off your chest.”

James stared at him and wondered how he would really react to knowing he was right. Was he putting himself in jeopardy by doing this? Did his brother hate him so much that he would go to the police? He looked around the room, trying to find something he could focus on that wasn’t the glaring stare of his brother. He spotted a framed picture on one of the book shelves and immediately recognized the people in the photo as their parents. He got up and walked over towards it.

“I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately,” James said as he picked up the frame. “I have so many regrets about my past, and not being there for them and you are the biggest ones I have.”

The Doctor hadn’t seen this side of James in years and he knew that he was afraid opening up would make him vulnerable.  They may be estranged, but they were twins and that meant they had a connection that normal siblings didn’t have.  For  James to be this rattled meant that whatever he wanted to say was huge.

“Yeah, well there isn’t much you can do about that now, can you.”

“You’re right,” James answered as he put the picture down. “I have to live with that and that’s on me. I can’t do anything about them, but maybe you and I...”

“James, there’s nothing you can do to repair the damage that has been done,” the Doctor said, cutting him off.

James sat back down again. “I don’t want to believe that.”

“Well I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to accept it.”

“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and a lot I can’t fix,  but I want to believe that I can fix  this .”

“You left. And not just me, you left them. I don’t care what it did to me, but you weren’t the one who had to walk on eggshells  around them, especially Ma. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you broke their hearts, hers more than any ones. Your selfishness caused all of this and I don’t think you’re ever going to  be able to  change that.” The Doctor was beginning to raise his voice.

“I wasn’t being selfish. I did it to protect you and them. I honestly believed you would all be better off without me in your lives.”

“How could you think that? They loved you, I loved you! We could have helped you, but no , r unning away was the better solution. Running away and never looking back.” The Doctor sighed, trying to calm himself down. “You know I spent those seven years in prison  and  every year after that, convinced that after all we had gone through, you never gave two  shites about me.”

“That’s not true. There wasn’t a day that  went by that I didn’t think about you and them. ”

“You have a strange way of showing it. ”

“ I had to cut everyone out, John! I had no choice.”

“No, you  had a choice, you just chose yourself over us.”

This was not going the way James had planned. He had really hoped the two of them could talk without it turning into an argument , but clearly , he was being delusional.  This had been a stupid idea to  begin  with.

“I should go,” James said as he stood.

“Damn it, James! Will you stop fucking running! ”

James looked at his brother, shocked to hear him stop him from leaving .

“I'm not running ,” he said quietly. “I just don’t want to keep having the same fight.”

“Then stop lying and be honest.” The Doctor sighed. “If there is any chance of us fixing this, you need to be honest with me.”

James sat back down, closed his eyes, and took a long deep breath.

“You were right. ” He let the words escape before he had a chance to change his mind.

“About what?”

“The drugs. ” James opened his eyes expecting to see the Doctor staring at him with rage, but he wasn’t. His expression was  hard, his fierce eyebrows pinched towards his nose, but it wasn’t anger.

The Doctor didn’t know what to say. He was relieved to know he was right, but at the same time didn’t know what to do with this information.

“How long?” He finally asked.

“Pretty much from the moment I landed in New York.”

“Why?”

“I honestly had no choice. When I got to New York, I made the mistake of reaching out to Syd  MacIntyre . Do you remember him?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know you had kept in touch with him after he left Glasgow.”

“Not a lot, but I knew he had gone to America and I thought maybe he might be able to help me get settled. Problem was I didn’t know that he was still in touch with a couple of guys from the  Doyles . I thought when he left, he had left the life behind too. Turned out I was wrong.”

“What happened?” The Doctor asked.

“I met up with him, we had some pints and my drunk arse said too much. I started bragging about the money I had stolen, trying to impress him, thinking he would be proud I had pulled one over on his old gang. He laughed about it, but it wasn’t until a couple of nights later that he called me wanting to help him with a deal he was trying to make with a group of guys in Queens. I told him I  wasn’t  interested in getting back into the drug business, but then he told me if I didn’t come with him, he’d call the  Doyles and tell them where to find me. I told him I would help him the one time and that would be it, but of course it wasn’t. He not only threatened to tell the  Doyles , he threatened to send someone after my family.”

“Why would he have cared so much to get you involved?”

“He wanted someone from back home to be on his side. Didn’t matter that he was blackmailing me to do it. I honestly felt like I didn’t have a choice and I didn’t know how to get out, or who to go to for help. Eventually, it just became my life.”

“God James, you really fucked this up,” the Doctor said. He had no idea what to think about all of this, but he could tell that James was being honest and it felt good to finally hear the truth. “How did you go from that, to whatever it is you have now?”

“I had always wanted to create my own ice cream brand and after a few years I had finally saved enough to make that dream come true. During the day I worked at creating  Mondasian and at night I ran with the gang. Over time, I moved my way up and got close enough to the boss that I was able to take it over from him when the time came for him to pass it on. I know at that point I could have maybe gotten out, but I was too deep into it and thought I might as well stick with what I knew.”

The Doctor had about a thousand questions running through his head, but there was one that he wanted to know more than anything.

“Why are you telling me this, now?”

“Because I want out and I don’t know how to do that. I’m finally doing what I should have done all those year ago. I’m coming to you for help.”

“But why now? What has changed in your life that you want to make this change?”

“Clara.”

It was the answer the Doctor didn’t want to hear. His damn brother had gone and fallen in love with the one woman he wanted more than anyone in this world. 

“I’ve spent my entire life avoiding relationships, but that woman, just has a hold on me like no other woman  has. I love her John , and I want to be a better man for her.”

“You know that once she learns the truth,  she’ll leave you .”

“I know, but I need to be honest with her even if that  means losing her. I also know that you aren’t going to want to help me, but I thought you deserved the truth more than anyone. ” James looked the Doctor square in the eye. “ I really am sorry for everything.”

John could see the sincerity and all the emotion in James' eyes  and he couldn’t stop himself from getting out of his chair and sitting next to James on the couch. He put a hand on his shoulder and for the first time in thirty-five years, he pulled his brother in for a hug.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Clara to get some clarity.

James couldn’t believe the sense of relief he felt as his brother hugged him. The truth was  finally out and maybe, just maybe he  would be able to get his brother back. It certainly felt like this was a step in the right direction , although what direction it was all going to go, James had no clue, but he knew it didn’t matter because he had  told his brother the truth. The Doctor pulled back from James and stood up, walking over  to  the bottle of whiskey then into the kitchen. A few minutes later he came back out with two glasses, handing one to James, then taking a seat back in his chair.

“Thought maybe you could use that,” the Doctor said.

“Thanks.”

James took a sip, allowing the warm amber liquid slide down his throat.

“Who all is involved in this, James?”

“I’ve kept a lot of people out of it and for the most part  I  have tried to keep Mondasian clean. River is the only one that knows the whole truth.”

“And you trust her?”

“I do. Although lately she’s been really pushing the business harder. ”

“Why?”

“Not sure. Greed maybe. I’ve been happy with what I’ve got, but she’s  always seemed to want more.”

“How long have you known her?”

“ Almost for as long as I was in New York. Her father was the  boss I worked for.”

“Long time then. You and she ever, you know…”

“No, never. Our relationship was never like that. I would have never dared touched the boss' daughter. We were always friends, she grew up around the business and as much as her father didn’t want her to be a part of it, he couldn’t keep her from it. She’s far too determined to let anything stop her from getting what she wants.”

“So why did he leave the business to you ?”

“Because she didn’t want that responsibility. She was happy to have the role she had.”

“Which is?”

“She’s my fixer. Makes sure that I don’t get caught and makes sure everything looks like it’s on the up and up . And when problems arise, she takes care of it .”

The Doctor was processing everything his brother was telling him. He had no idea how to help him, but he knew that he had to at least try. James had finally opened up to him, and although he really didn’t like what he was hearing, he couldn’t turn his back on him. They had both done that for far too long and it needed to stop.

“Is she really  your VP at Mondasian then?” The Doctor asked.

“She is. She helped me build that business and actually owns a thirty percent stake in it. I know that I could likely let her take over the drug side of everything, but then I don’t want her to be a part of Mondasian and that I feel is going to be hard to do.”

“Have you talked to her about this?”

“No, but I think she suspects something is up. She’s been paying someone at the factory to keep an eye on things. I just haven’t figured out who yet.”

“And you still trust her?”

“She’s really been the only friend I’ve had and she’s never done anything like this until now.”

The Doctor thought some more while James downed the rest of his whiskey. If River was caught up in all of this, did Missy know? And if she does, is she really who she says she is? There  were just questions after questions flying through his mind, but the main one was about Clara.

“Is Clara in danger, James?”

“No! I would never put her in danger, not again.” James was adamant about this.

“How can you be so sure? You didn’t think the  Doyles would kidnap her, but they did.”

“I'm sure, I promise you that. I’m square with them and they will not try something like that again. When I paid her ransom, I made a deal with them. They knew what I was  doing  here and we settled on a territory. They aren’t interested in starting anything.”

“And you? What kind of danger do you think you’re in?”

James sighed and looked at his empty glass. The Doctor got up and took it and his  into the kitchen to  get a  refill. When he came back out, he saw James was once again looking at the Doctor’s bookshelf with the albums and picture frames. As he got closer, he noticed the one that James was looking at.

“You love her too, don’t you?” James asked as he took the tumbler from the Doctor.

The Doctor didn’t say anything, but just turned and sat back down again. James was looking at one of the pictures the Doctor had snapped of Clara when they were at the zoo. He loved her smile and the way her eyes sparkled, that every time he looked at it, he couldn’t help but smile himself.

“Let’s just say, I know the pull she has on people and why she would be the one to make you want to turn your life around. But she and I are in the past and I really need to accept that.”

“Well I will say, the two of you definitely have music in common. She has a big vinyl collection as well.”

“I know. We used to go record shopping together.” The Doctor took a drink. “So answer my question, James, do you think you’ll be in danger if you try and get out? Because if you do, that means Clara will be  as well , unless you’re honest with her before you make that move.”

“I honestly don’t think so, if I do it right. I worked hard when I took over the organization to get people out who wanted out. I knew there were young guys, who I saw myself in. They had made a bad decision and were struggling at making it right, so I helped with that. I reduced the number of people involved and made sure that those who wanted a different life, were taken care of. If I couldn’t do it for myself, I could at least do it for others. I also got us out of selling the hard stuff and focused on the organic side of it. It took a long time to do, but I did it . I’m not saying that this excuses what I did, but it made me feel better and it also kept us off the radar more. There  are a lot of bigger fish out there for the cops to chase, and we’ve never been it . I’m not Al Capone, John, and I don't really think anyone is out to get me .”

James downed the rest of  his  drink, knowing that he needed to talk about Clara more with John, but it seemed that he didn’t want to. He needed to make it really clear to him, just how much he cared for her.

“Look, I know this is a lot of information to take in and you probably have no idea how to process it all, but I want to assure you, no matter what happens, Clara’s safety is and always will be my number one priority. Hell, this whole thing may just work out to your advantage.”

“How on Earth could that be?”

“You said it yourself, I’m going to lose her when I tell her the truth. I hope to hell I don’t, but she’s not going to want to be with someone like me, once she knows who I really am , she’s likely going to come running back to you.”

“I don’t think so, James. She’s made it very clear to me that she was moving on with you.”

James looked at him and quirked an eyebrow.

“When?”

“The engagement  party .” The Doctor looked over at his bookcase with  Clara’s picture and then back at his brother. “I tried to kiss her and she got angry.”

James should have been  furious that the Doctor had tried to kiss the woman he was with, but he couldn’t. The only thing he felt was hope, hope that he might be able to fight for her and win her back after he told her the truth about who he really is.

“So when are you going to break the news to Clara?” The Doctor asked.

“Sooner, rather than later. There’s no sense in holding off.”

“And what about getting out? I’m not really sure what to tell you or how I can help.”

“That’s okay. Just knowing that you want to is enough for me.” James stood up and walked towards the door, the Doctor followed behind him.

“Thank you for listening and not getting angry,” James said.

“Thank you for finally telling me the truth.”

The two men stared at one another for a moment before James pulled the Doctor in for another hug . He hesitated at first, but then returned it.

“So maybe we can  get a pint or something some time,” James suggested.

“I’d like that, once you get this all sorted . ”

James quirked his head at him, thinking that his brother was going to be there for him, but now it seemed he wasn’t. 

“I'm here for you if you want to talk, but I can’t get mixed up in any of this James. Not with my past. ”

“You’re right. I forgot about that. ”

The two said their goodbyes and the Doctor shut the door after James left. His love life may be completely fucked up, but at least there was hope that he might get his brother back.

\---------------

Clara had decided she needed to spend some time with her Gran. She had been missing her mum a lot these days and needed to perhaps talk to the one woman who  was the  closest thing she had to her .

“Hello,” Clara yelled as she walked in her dad’s front door.

“Hello sweetheart,” her dad said as he came out from the kitchen. “What a nice surprise.”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen Gran for  a while or you for that matter, so thought I’d come by.”

“Got some time away from that man of yours ? ”

“Dad . ”

“I'm teasing,” her dad said. “Your Gran is in the living room.”

Clara walked into the room and  smiled when she saw her Gran sitting in her favourite chair, rocking back and forth, knitting what looked to be a jumper.

“Clara!” Her Gran said with a smile.

“Hi Gran.”

Clara hugged her and then took a seat on the  nearby couch. 

“ What brings you by, dear?”

“I missed you and thought it would be nice to catch up. ”

“ Oh, I’ve missed you too.” Gran looked at her, in the way that Clara knew she was surveying her. “Who's the man dear?”

“Who said anything about a man?” Clara tried to deny she was right.

“ I can see it in your eyes, darling. You’re confused about something.”

“I never could get anything past you, could I,” Clara sighed.

“Well your father may have mentioned something. Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I  just feel so lost . I feel like I have this tug of war happening inside both my brain and my heart , that there are two different things each wants  and  on top of that my brain and heart want two different things. It makes no sense.”

“ What is  it  that your brain is fighting?”

“ This guy I'm seeing, is really great and at first things were a lot of fun, but  it seems that he wants more out of this relationship than I'm willing to give. My brain is telling me to go for it, but then at the same time it’s telling me to be careful because I feel like he’s holding something back from me. ”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I blame his brother for putting the idea in my mind.”

Clara didn’t want to tell her Gran about the Doctor’s suspicions, so she had to tread lightly as to not say too much.

“You know his brother?”

“Yes,” Clara hesitated before she spoke again,  n ot sure if she should tell her Gran how she knows James' brother . Then she decided that if she really wanted her help, she should have all the facts. “I used to date him.”

Gran raised both her eyebrows at her granddaughter . “Well now I see why you’re having issues.”

“No Gran, the Doctor isn’t a factor in this.”

“The Doctor?”

“Sorry, it’s his nickname and what his students call him. His real name is John.”

“He was your  teacher ?”

Clara nodded, knowing that her Gran was likely going to have some choice words for her.

“Oh dear. You have been busy since you've been back, haven’t you ?”

“Gran, what happened between John and I is all in the past and he really isn’t  a part of my dilemma.”

“Tell me about him.”

Clara knew the older woman  wanted to have as much information as possible, so she decided to open up and tell her everything. She told her about their one - night stand,  struggling to not be with him while he was her lecturer,  losing that struggle, and then finding out he was engaged to Rose. Gran said nothing while she spoke, just sat there and nodded her head taking it all in. 

“Oh Clara, I’m so sorry your heart was broken.”

“It’s okay Gran, I’ve worked past it.”

“I don’t think it ’s okay. You were in love with him and he broke not just your heart but your trust. Tell me though, dear, how did you connect with his brother?”

Clara gave a big sigh, knowing that this story was just going to get a lot stranger for her poor Gran.

“I actually never knew he had a brother, until he showed up in my office one day as a new client,” Clara said as she sighed again knowing she needed to tell her the one key piece of information in this story. “You see, their actually identical twins.”

“Oh my!” Her Gran exclaimed. “This is all making a lot more sense now.”

“Really? Because it sounds very confusing to me.”

“It is, but you have two men who you care about very much. Two men who share the same face. No wonder your heart and your mind don’t know what to do. You can’t help, but look at one and see the other.”

“Gran, I don’t! I keep telling people that. They are very different men.”

“Sure, that’s what your mind is telling you. But your heart is what is having trouble distinguishing the difference.” She leaned forward in her chair to get a little closer to Clara. “Tell me this, why did you start talking to John again? If he broke your heart, why did you give him another chance?”

“Because I wanted to find out who James was. I needed to talk to him to find out.”

“And when you got your answer,  why didn’t you stop seeing him?”

Clara looked down at the floor, unable to look her Gran in the eyes. She knew the answer, but she had never admitted  it  to anyone, let alone  said it out loud. But this was her Gran and she could never lie to her.

“Because I missed him.” She looked back up at her. “But I thought that we could be friends. I didn’t want more from him than to just be friends.”

“So you became friends, while you were getting closer to his brother?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, another question. Who do you trust more?”

Clara stared at her grandmother, really unsure how to answer that question. She wanted to say James, but there was something drawing her to say John. James had never done anything to break her trust, but John had. Although he had shown to her several times that he wasn’t really the man she had thought he was. He wasn’t a cheater, but instead a man who made a very dumb mistake.

“You can’t answer me, can you?”

Clara slowly shook her head. She had been trying so hard to convince herself and her friends that she really didn’t want to be with John, that she was really believing it herself. 

“ So the question is, which one really has your heart?” Clara started to say something, but her Gran stopped her. “And before you say it, John IS a factor in this, otherwise, you wouldn’t be having this struggle.”

Her Gran was right. Everyone kept telling her this, but she just wouldn’t listen, but she couldn’t deny the truth from the one woman who knew her better than anyone on this planet. It all made sense, her hesitation with James, her feelings about Missy, this is what had been tearing her apart inside, she had convinced herself she was over John, but the reality was she wasn’t. However, she had very strong feelings for James and of course it didn’t help that they shared the same damn face. 

“What do I do Gran?”

“Only you know the answer, dear. But if it were me, I would likely take a break from both men to help  gain some clarity.”

That was actually a really good idea. Maybe a little vacation would help her realise who her heart really belonged with. She continued chatting with her Gran, moving on from talking about her pathetic love life, to talking about Gran’s very active social life. She stayed for a while, enjoying the company of her family before she decided to head home. During her walk back, she thought more about what her Gran had told her and the more she thought about it, the more she knew that taking a break was the best advice. She couldn’t think about what she really wanted when both men were constantly around. It was a small decision she had made, but she already felt better, knowing what her struggle was and coming up with a plan to figure it all out. 

She had just reached her flat and was looking in her bag for her keys when she found them and looked up, seeing James standing outside her door. She was surprised to see him because he hadn’t messaged or called her, which he normally did before he came over. She smiled at him and he returned it, but there was something slightly off about it. 

“Hey,” she said as she approached him.

“Hi,” he returned as he leaned in and gave her a small peck on the lips.

“I’m surprised to see you,” she said.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I was hoping we could talk about some things.”

Clara wasn’t sure what was going on, but a feeling of dread suddenly overcame her because nothing good ever came from someone asking to talk.


	15. Chapter 15

“Do you want a drink?” Clara asked as she shut the door behind her.

“No, I’m good thanks,” James answered as he stepped into her living room. He really was starting to feel more at home here and knew he was going to miss it when Clara inevitably left him .

“Okay, so what is  it  that you want to talk about?”

She really had no idea what it was he wanted to say, especially since he seemed so sad.

“Let’s sit,” he suggested as he took her hand and lead her to the couch.

“Why do I feel like you’re breaking up with me?” Clara said and gave a nervous laugh. She may have just come to  admit that she was torn between the man in front of her and his brother, but the idea that James didn’t want to see her any more was making her heart sink.

“No, not at all.” He took her hand in his again and brought it up to his lips, placing a very soft kiss on her knuckles. “I just have somethings that need to be said. That I need to stop hiding from and holding on to.”

“Okay, I’m all ears.”

He smiled at her and wished so much that he could just show her what he felt in his heart. It would just be so much easier to carry her into her bedroom and open up to her in a way that he never had before with anyone, but he knew he couldn’t and likely may never be able to. No, he had to rip the  band-aid off and tell her instead.

“I don’t really know how to do this because I’ve never done it before. So I’m sorry if it doesn’t come out right.

“James, just tell me whatever it is.”

The truth was, maybe she should be honest with him, tell him exactly what was going on with her.

He took a deep breath. “You are a very special woman Clara Oswald and I’ve never met anyone like you in all of my life. I know that we agreed this would be something that wasn’t serious, that I wasn’t the boyfriend type, but you have made me feel things I never thought I would. And before I tell you what I need to tell you, I need you to know just how much you mean to me.”

“James, I…”

“Please, Clara,  I just need to say it. I know you don’t likely feel it and I'm not expecting anything in return, but you have made me feel things I didn’t think I was capable of feeling because I never let myself get close enough to anyone. I couldn’t. But you’ve changed that. ”

James paused, trying to get the courage. It was  best to  just  say it.

“Clara,  I love you.”

The words left with his breath and were now out  before he could change his mind or hesitate longer. He had said the one thing he had never said to any woman and it was crazy to think at his age he had fallen in love for the first time. He looked at Clara and gave her an awkward smile , waiting for her to say anything, but she wasn’t and instead just giving him a sad smile.

Clara couldn’t believe he had said it. She knew his feelings were changing, but she  hadn’t known that he was full blown in love with her. She should feel over the moon, but how could she when she was so torn. She really needed to tell him the truth.

“ James, I care about you  very much and I'm so touched that I’ve been the one to make you feel that, but I'm just not there yet.”

“I know you're not and that’s okay because I'm not going anywhere. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. But,” he took a deep breath again. “there’s more I need to tell you and I know you're not going to like it.”

“Okay,” she replied hesitantly.

“In fact, I’m pretty sure you’re going to hate me and that what we have is going to be over. Which is why I had to at least tell you what I was feeling. That you have not just made me fall in love, but you’ve also helped me to get my brother back.”

Now she was really confused. “What do you mean?”

“The truth I’m about to tell you, I needed to tell him first. As my brother he had that right and as the woman I love, I need you to know too.” James inhaled deeply and slowly let his breath out. “John was right about me.”

Clara started to feel her heart slowly  fall into her stomach. She was pretty sure she knew what this meant, but she needed to hear him say the words.

“Right about what?”

“The drugs. I’ve never gotten out of the business.”

Clara stared at him, processing what he had just said. 

“What?” She finally asked.

“I know this is a lot to take in, but I’m telling you this because I want to get out of it. I don’t want to be a part of that world  anymore . ”

He was speaking and Clara could hear him, but the words made no sense. How could this sweet man be a drug lord and how could she have been so stupid?! Again.

“You’ve been lying to me this entire time.”

She was staring at the wall across from her, not able to look him in the eyes.

“I had to, but I'm telling you the truth now.”

“Oh, so because you’ve suddenly got a conscience, it’s supposed to be okay?”

“No, of course not .” 

He could tell that anger was hitting her and she had every right to be. She  continued to  stare at the wall,  not saying anything and it completely unnerved him.

“Can I explain?” He asked quietly.

“Explain what? What could you possibly explain James? You never changed when you left Glasgow. God, I'm such a daft idiot. ”

“No you’re not. I am. ”

She finally turned and looked at him.

“I let you in. After your brother broke my heart, I trusted you. You!  A fucking drug  lord ! John tried to tell me and I wouldn’t listen to him. God you damn Smith brothers have really fucked me  up .”

“Clara, I know you ’re  angry and you have every right to be, but I'm far from a drug lord .”

“ What the fuck are you then?”

“ I'm a dealer. ”

“What’s the difference?”

“A lot,  but the biggest difference is I'm not running a massive organization. It’s small and for the most part harmless.”

“Harmless?! I was kidnapped, remember!? ” Clara yelled.

“I know and I'm so sorry for that, but that had nothing to do with what I do now. ”

“Jesus, James, you make it  sound as if this is no big deal. ”

“Because it’s not to me. I’ve been doing this my  entire  life .”

“Then why get out, why tell me this  now?!”

“Because I love you! I’ve gone and broken the one rule I’ve been able to keep for years . I couldn’t fight my feelings for you and I couldn’t neatly compartmentalize  like I normally do. You have turned my orderly life upside down, Clara , and here’s the thing, it doesn’t bother me one bit. It should , should be like nails on a chalk board to me,  but it’s not. ” James paused giving Clara a chance to react, but she didn’t. “You make me want to be a better man. And I know that sounds cliché , but I don’t know how else to say it. I never wanted this life, but it’s what happened and I was always too scared to change, but for you I want to.”

There was just too much information coming at Clara and she didn’t know what to think or what to say . She all of a sudden felt like she didn’t know the man that was in front of her and she wanted him out of her flat.

“You need to go,” she said calmly.

“Please just let me explain everything,” James pled.

“You’ve said enough.”

“ But I haven’t told you how this all started.”

“I don’t care. You lied to me and you let me get close to you, knowing that you had this secret life and the issues I had with trust . Please just go.”

James looked at her as she looked away from him . There was no sense trying to talk to her while she was this angry, so it was likely a good idea that he  leaves. He stood up and walked towards the door. Clara followed him and as he  opened the door he turned.

“I'm really sorry Clara.”

She said nothing in return, so James  turned and walked away, hearing the  door slam behind him. He had just done the scariest thing he could ever imagine and got his  heart broken in the process.  He  knew  he  needed  to  give her  space, but he also knew that she would need someone to talk to , so he took out his mobile and called the only person he could.

“Hi,” the Doctor said on the other end.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I told Clara the truth.”

“And how did it go?”

“You’ve been on the receiving end of her anger, so I think you can imagine how well it went.”

“Sorry. ”

“It’s what I expected , but she could likely use a friend right about now, so if you’re not busy you may want to go over.”

The Doctor didn’t think that would be a good idea considering Clara hadn’t  returned any of his calls in a  few days. Seeing his face was likely the last one she wanted to see.

“You don’t have to, but  I  just thought she could use a shoulder to lean on and since you’re the only other person who knows the truth, you’re about all she has right now.” James could sense  his brother’s  hesitation.

“Yeah, okay.” The Doctor finally  agreed, knowing James was right. “I'll pop  by in a bit.”

“Thanks.” James felt better knowing that John would be there for her and maybe he could explain what she wouldn’t let him do himself.

Clara slammed the door, taking her anger out on the  wooden barrier between her and him. How could she have been so stupid and why was she always getting hurt? Once again , she let her guard down and got lied to , except this time she had no idea how to process  it. She wanted to scream, yell, anything, but  right now more than anything she felt angrier at herself than she did James. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, needing something to take the edge off ,  then went back into the living room with  the  glass and bottle in hand. She flopped down on the couch and  reached for her mobile that was on the coffee table. She was just about to call Amy and stopped,  realising that she couldn’t talk to her about this. It wasn’t like when she had found out the Doctor was cheating ; this was  completely different.

“Damn it!” She yelled as she tossed her mobile back on the table and threw her head back on the couch.

She wasn’t sure  how long she sat there , when she heard a knock at her door. 

“Go away!” She yelled,  assuming it was James.

“Clara,” the Doctor  said through the door.

Great, the only other person she didn’t want to see  picked now to show up and talk. This night was just getting better and better. She got up and walked over to open the door.

“What do you want?” She  asked gruffly.

“James thought you might need someone to talk to.”

“He called you?”

“Yes, he’s worried about you.”

“So what, you two are best friends now? ” She asked as she turned and walked back into the living room. 

“No,” he answered as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “But he did come and talk to me.”

“And you’re not pissed off?”

“Sure I’m angry, but I understand the situation he got himself into. I’m just glad that he’s finally stopped lying to me and we can move forward. But what about you? What are you feeling?”

The Doctor sat down on a chair near the couch, Clara was sitting on. He didn’t want to invade her space and to make it clear he was only here to be a friend.

“Hurt, angry, confused. He had the nerve to tell me that he loves me and then drops this on me, as if that was supposed to make this better.”

“I don’t think that’s why he told you he loves you.” 

“Then why tell me? Why not just be honest with me and leave love out of it.”

“Because he was wanting to be honest, Clara. With everything. It took a lot for him to say those words to you because he’s never said them to anyone else. He would never just use it as a means to make the news he’s a drug dealer better.”

Clara slumped forward, putting her head in her hands that were resting on her lap.

“Why can’t I just once have a normal fucking relationship,” she mumbled.

“How do you feel about him, Clara?”

She looked up and stared at the Doctor. Was now the time to be honest with him about how she was feeling? 

“I can’t love a drug a dealer. I don’t want to get mixed up in that life.”

“But prior to knowing he’s a drug dealer, how did you feel about him? Do you love him?”

“I like James a lot. And in fact I could see myself falling in love with him, but I haven't opened my heart to him for fear of being hurt again. Which clearly, I was right about.”

The Doctor didn’t know what to say to her. He could tell that she did care for his brother a lot. That was obvious from the little interactions he had seen between them, but his mistake put them all in this situation and he wished he could somehow make this better for all of them. If he had just been honest from the start, he would have broken things off with Rose and tried to pursue something with Clara. He’d likely be with her now and she wouldn’t be going through another heart break and certainly wouldn’t have been pushed into the arms of his brother. As much as it pained him, he needed to make this right for her and if she wasn’t going to be with him, he had to at least give James a fighting chance because he knew he loved her the same as him.

“Clara, I know you don’t want to talk to him right now, but you really should listen to what he has to say once you’ve had a chance to calm down and process it all.”

“Are you seriously trying to get me to give him a second chance?”

She couldn’t believe that the Doctor would advocate for her to do that. Not after all the feelings he  had about his twin or the feelings he  had for her.

“His story isn’t so black and white and he deserves to be able to tell you how he ended up where he did. Then you can decide what you want to do.”

“He told you what happened?”

“Yes, but it’s his story to tell, not mine.”

Clara sighed, knowing that whatever the story was it was enough to cause the Doctor to be advocating on his behalf, something she thought he would never do, especially after the party last week. She was sure that he still had feelings for her, but here he was, trying to convince her to give James another chance.

“I just don’t get it.”

“Get what?” He asked.

“You! One  second you’re trying to kiss me and the next you’re trying to push me back towards the one man you didn’t want me to be with.” She was starting to get frustrated with all the confusion.

“I’m sorry about that. I’ve been trying to call you to apologise, but you wouldn’t answer or ring me back. I shouldn’t have done that , Clara , and I truly am sorry about it.”

“Oh you know what? I’m done. I think I need both of you to leave me alone.”

“I’m just trying to help as a friend. I promise you I won’t push you anymore.”

“No, I’m just so tired of you toying with my emotions.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Yes you are! You’ve been doing it for as long as I’ve known you!” She was starting to get angry again.

“I’m not going to fight with you Clara. It’s James you’re angry at, not me.”

“No, I’m angry at both of you! The two of you came into my life and did nothing, but fuck it up, while fucking me.”

“Neither of us forced you to have sex, I’ll remind you.” The Doctor answered, sternly. He knew she was angry, but he wasn’t going to sit back and let her place all the blame on him. “You’re not innocent in all of this, you know.”

“Really?! Because you’re the one who couldn’t keep your dick in your pants long enough to tell me you were engaged! I started something with you because I thought you were free to do so, but you weren’t and you let me continue to think that while you fucked me!”

“You were never just some shag to me! I fell in love with you! And yes, I was a tosser for not being honest, and I live with that mistake, but what did you do? You ran to my fucking twin and fucked him because you were too stubborn to admit you still had feelings for me!”

“Get out.” Clara didn’t want to hear anything more from him.

He knew he pushed things too far, but he couldn’t stop the words from coming out. He wanted to take them back, but it was too late for that.

“I’m sorry, Clara. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Just get out. You were clearly thinking it, otherwise you wouldn’t have said it.”

“Please, Clara.”

“No, can you please just go and leave me alone and tell your brother to do the same.”

He knew there was no sense in continuing this conversation now. She was hurt and he was the last person she should have been talking to. He stood up and walked towards the door.

“I really am sorry about everything, Clara. If you want to talk once you’ve calmed down, you know where to find me. But I promise I won’t bother you again. I leave the ball in your court and if you don’t ever want to see me again, you won’t have to.”

He walked out, closing the door behind him. He hoped he wasn’t walking out of her life forever, but maybe that’s what he needed to do. Maybe she would be better off if they never saw each other again.

For the second time that night, Clara watched a man she cared about walk out of her flat. She had never been so confused in all her life and could only deal with it the only way she knew how. She walked into her bedroom and pulled out her suitcase, calling Donna, her boss, during the process. She needed to get away and she needed to do it now.


	16. Chapter 16

Clara had gotten Donna’s voicemail and hung up without leaving a message because she couldn’t just leave a voice mail asking for time off. She stopped throwing clothes into her suitcase and flopped down on her bed and for the first time that night let the tears start to flow. What was she doing? Not just a couple of hours ago she was confused as to which man she had stronger feelings for and now she was mad at both. Where did the Doctor come off making the kind of accusation he did? She wasn’t with James because he looked like him, she was with him because he made her laugh, was kind, and smart. But was he really? Was that just all an act to disguise who he really is? Her Gran was right about one thing, she needed to take a break from both of them and to think about what it was she really wanted. 

The next day Clara woke up, feeling tired from all the tossing and turning she did throughout the night. She was pretty much a walking zombie as she made her way into the office and sat down at her desk, slowly sipping her venti latte. Luckily, she didn’t have a lot on her plate at the moment and didn’t have any meetings scheduled. Once she got settled, she decided now was as good as time as any to talk to Donna about taking some time off. 

“You got a second?” She asked as she knocked on her bosses open door. 

“Sure, sorry I missed your call last night.” 

“Oh that’s okay. It wasn’t really important,” Clara said as she stepped into the office and took a seat. 

“Everything okay?” Donna asked. 

“Yeah, it’s fine.” 

“Why do I feel like you’re lying to me.” 

“I’m not. Everything with work is good.” 

“But outside of work?” 

“Just life stuff. Nothing I can’t handle.” Clara wasn’t really sure how to ask for time off and felt a little weird about it since she hadn’t even been with the company for a year yet. 

“Okay,” Donna replied, but Clara could hear the skepticism in her voice. 

“Really, I can. I was just reacting to some news last night.” 

“Well if you want to take the next couple of days off, I’d be okay with that, but we do have that new client meeting on Monday and I need you here for that.” 

It was as if Donna had read her mind. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, you’ve been working hard and deserve a little time,” Donna answered. “Plus, I need you on top of your game for this meeting and can’t have you looking so tired. Go home, get some sleep.” 

Clara was relieved because she knew her mind wasn’t on work at the moment and Donna was right, she needed to sort this crap out. She left Donna’s office and started to head home, but decided instead to stop off at Amy’s. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Amy asked when she opened the door. 

“I’ve got a couple of days off, thought I’d come see you and Charlotte.” Clara answered as she stepped inside. “Where is the little peanut?” 

“Napping. She didn’t sleep well last night, which from the looks of you, I’d say you didn’t either.” 

“No I did not.” 

“You want a cuppa?” Amy asked as they walked into the kitchen. 

“Yes, please.” 

Clara sat at the island and Amy started making tea. 

“So you want to tell me what’s going on.” 

“I had a fight with James and John last night.” 

“Both? What the hell happened?” 

“I don’t really want to get into it, but basically, James told me he loves me and that he’s been lying about who he really is.” 

Amy stopped what she was doing and eyed Clara. 

“What?!” Amy asked confused and shocked. 

“I can’t really elaborate.” 

“Okay. But how did the Doctor get involved in this?” 

“James asked him to come over, telling him I’d need someone to talk to.” 

“Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend sent your ex over to console you?” 

“Yes.” 

“But I thought the two of them weren’t really on speaking terms.” 

“They weren’t, but James told the Doctor the truth about his past and it would seem that he now forgives him.” 

“Okay. And do you know that story?” 

“No. I was so angry with James that I kicked him out and the Doctor won’t tell me because it’s James' story to tell.” 

Amy finished putting the kettle on and then sat on the stool next to Clara. 

“And why did you and he fight?” 

“Because I couldn’t believe that he was advocating for James. A man that he hated until a day ago and not to mention a man he didn’t want me dating. Now he’s trying to get me to give him a second chance. It makes no sense, Amy, especially since just a week ago he was trying to kiss me in your back yard.” 

“What?! You didn’t tell me that!” 

“I’ve been busy and I didn’t really want to hear another lecture from you about leading the two of them on.” 

Amy looked at Clara with sad eyes. 

“Please don’t look at me like that. I feel bad enough as it is.” 

“Sorry,” Amy said. “But let me ask you this. How did you feel after James told you he loves you?” 

“Confused. I like him Amy, a lot, but I’ve been keeping myself guarded. I initially thought it was because the Doctor had hurt me, but my Gran made me realise I’ve been lying to myself and that really it’s because I have feelings for the Doctor too.” Amy smiled, and Clara knew it was out of victory of being right. “And don’t say I told you so.” 

“I won’t. I see how beat up you are. Do both of them know this?” 

“No.” 

“And how did you leave things with the Doctor?” 

“I kicked him out after he accused me of sleeping with James because I won’t admit I still have feelings for him.” 

“So he knows.” 

“He assumes.” 

“But his assumption is correct." 

“No it’s not!” Clara raised her voice, then Amy shushed her, not wanting to wake the baby. “Sorry, but I'm just tired of people saying that. I really do care about James, Amy.” 

“I know you do, but all I'm saying is that initially, you were attracted to him because he looked like the Doctor. You can’t deny that, Clara.” 

She knew she couldn’t argue with that. 

“Well, I mean, they obviously have a look I'm attracted to, but beyond that they are different.” 

“Sure, but one of them you were actually in love with and the other you had just met. Clara this twin thing has to have clearly messed with you.” 

Clara didn’t say anything but instead just stared down at the counter top. 

“Okay, here’s a question and I really want you to think about it. What are your reservations about the Doctor?” 

Clara looked up at Amy. “He lied to me about being engaged.” 

“And do you believe that he’s a liar or just a bloke who made a really stupid decision.” 

“He’s not a liar. He’s been very open and honest with me after all of that.” 

“And James?” 

“I don’t know?” 

“Look, I know all of this is complicated, but the only advice I’m going to give you is this. Figure out who you want to be with and stop seeing the other. The two of them in your life just fucks it up. Also, think about this, after James came into your life you were insistent on being friends with the Doctor. Why? And be honest with yourself.” 

Amy was right, she really needed to think all of this through, but she probably needed to talk to James before she did that. She needed all the facts and all the information in order to make the right decision. 

\------------ 

James woke up with a pounding headache and the feeling he was going to retch. He slowly rolled over and looked at the clock and the red glow told him it was noon. Thank god he had the forethought to cancel his meeting and tell his receptionist that he was taking the day off. He had been so stupid to come home last night and finish half a bottle of scotch, but he just wanted to numb the pain he was feeling. He had finally opened up and more than definitely lost the one woman he had ever loved. He decided a hot shower might help clear his head, but before he could make it there his mobile rang. Without looking, he answered it. 

“Hello,” he said, his voice sounding rough. 

“What the hell is going on?” River yelled from the other end of the line. 

Great, the one person he didn’t want to talk to. 

“What are you talking about?” James asked. There was no way she knew he was thinking of leaving the business. 

“You sent me a very strange text last night and I've been trying to call you all morning.” 

“What text?” Oh shit. He was trying to think back to his evening and didn’t remember sending any text to her. He remembered debating about sending one to Clara, but then luckily had the common sense to not. 

“You sent me a message that just said, I'm done, you can have it. Done what James?” 

It came back to him before he started drinking, he had called his lawyer in New York to start putting papers together for him to buy out River’s stake in Mondasian, removing her from the company, but giving her sole control over the business that should have been hers. He had hoped that would be enough for him to walk away and he’d be able to show Clara that he meant what he had said, he wanted a different life. He must have texted River later, not thinking straight from the scotch. 

“I'm sorry, River. I shouldn’t have sent that.” 

“So you’re okay then? Everything can start back up?” 

“No,” he replied. 

“No?” River questioned. “James what is going on?” River's toned had changed from anger to confusion. 

“I shouldn’t have sent you that text because this is something that needs to be said in person.” James took a deep breath. “River I'm buying you out of Mondasian and giving you your father’s business.” 

“No! James you can’t do that!” Her confusion was gone and the anger was back. 

“I can do whatever the hell I want. I got mixed up in that business because I was told I had no choice. Well guess what, now I do,” James said, forcefully. 

“This is because of Clara, isn’t it?” River questioned. 

“No, it’s something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while. I’ve just now decided it was time.” 

“Bullshit! You never said anything about this until SHE came into your life. You’re going to throw everything away that you’ve worked for and built, for her?” 

“I didn’t build that business, River, your dad did. The only thing I care about is Mondasian because that’s what I built. You were never happy with the direction I took the organisation, so now’s your chance to make it the way you want it. Do with it what you will, but leave me and Mondasian out of it.” 

“And what about us?” 

“What about us?” 

“Where does all of this leave my relationship with you?” 

“I care about you River, but I can’t be associated with you. Not with all that I know. I’ve been very lucky, and I want to get away from it before that luck runs out.” 

“So I’m never going to see you again. Is that what you’re saying? That all these years I’ve been with you mean nothing and you’re willing to throw it all away?” 

“No, of course not, but I need to make a choice River and I’m sorry this is the one I’m making. And believe me it wasn’t easy.” 

“Sure as hell sounds like it was,” River spat. “I must say she must be one hell of a lay for you to give it all up.” 

“Leave Clara out of this,” James said sternly. 

“You think you can leave this life behind and go play house with her? What’s she going to say if she finds out who you really are?” River threatened. 

“She already knows.” 

“What!?” 

“I told her the truth. I told her knowing I would lose her, but it didn’t matter because I needed her to know the truth.” 

“You’re serious?! James, what the fuck! What if she runs to the police!?” 

“She’s not going to do that. But I had to tell her.” 

“Why?!” 

“Because I’ve fallen in love with her!” 

There was silence on the phone and for a moment James thought River had hung up. 

“I see,” she finally said. “And she’s okay with all of this?” 

“No of course not. Which is why none of this has to do with her. I’ve made this decision because I’m tired of this life River. I never wanted it.” 

“You’re making a very big mistake,” River said. 

“I’d be making a big mistake if I stayed. Please, River, this is my decision, just respect it.” 

“I’m coming over there.” 

“No! River, there’s no need for you to do that.” 

“I need to talk some sense into and I can’t do that over the phone.” 

“Please, River just stop.” 

James waited for her to respond, but there was nothing. 

“River?” 

The next thing he heard was the dial tone. Great, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but now he was going to have to try even harder to convince her this was right. He hadn’t really expected her to react the way she did. Sure he knew she wouldn’t be happy about him getting out, but he really thought she would be about finally taking over the business. He hadn’t really thought about how she would feel about him needing to cut her out of his life, but it made sense. They were the closest thing each other had to family and he had lost sight of that since being in London, especially lately when they’ve been fighting so much. They also were never ones to express their feelings, and River was just as cold as he was, if not colder. There was nothing he could do now, so he might as well focus on how he was going to win Clara back. He stripped down and got into the shower, letting the hot water wash over him, taking a moment to let his mind go blank. He stayed in there until the water got cold then got out and wrapped a towel around himself before walking out to the kitchen. That was when he heard his lift ding, and he had no idea who security would let up without his approval. 

“James?” He heard Clara yell. 

“Clara?” James replied as he stepped into the hall. 

“Oh, sorry, I went by your office and they said you were at home,” Clara answered as she took in the sight of him standing there wearing only a towel. “Do you want to go get dressed, so we can talk?” 

“Yeah, just give me a second.” 

He disappeared into his bedroom and Clara took a seat on the couch. She wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but she really did want to hear what he had to say. James came back a couple of minutes later wearing jeans and a t-shirt and for a second, she would have thought he was the Doctor, if it weren’t for the short hair. 

“I'm glad you came by,” he said as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch, wanting to give her space. 

“Yeah, well I wasn’t going to, but I'm just feeling so confused.” 

“Understandable. Did John come over after I left?” 

“He did.” 

“And did he explain somethings?” 

“No, he said it was for you to say, not him. But the fact that he came over and advocated for you tells me it must be one hell of a story.” 

“I just want you to know that I'm not expecting anything and that I’m not telling you this because I hope you’ll forgive me. I just want you to know the truth.” 

“Okay, so tell me.” 

James spent the next half hour explaining everything to Clara that he had to his brother. He told her about the blackmail and how he never wanted this life but it was all he knew. It was one stupid mistake after another and it was finally time to stop making those mistakes. Clara listened and as he went on, she could see why the Doctor was now more forgiving, but it didn’t mean that she would be too. She did feel bad that he fell into this life, but she just didn’t understand why he didn’t get out sooner. 

“So, I'm not making excuses for any of it, Clara because at the end of the day I made these choices, but I just want you to see that I'm not really a bad man.” 

“I can see that James, but I just don’t know if you’re a good man either. You’ve been lying to me and I don’t know who you really are.” 

“You know me better than anyone, perhaps aside from John. Don’t you see Clara, when we met, I had my guard up like I’ve done with everyone I’ve ever known. But being with you, falling in love with you, has allowed me to be who I really am. I’ve opened up to you more than I have to anyone.” 

“More than River?” 

“Yes. River may think she knows me, but she doesn’t. She’s too driven by money and power to see who I really am. And River will no longer be a part of my life. I'm giving her the business and buying her out of Mondasian.” 

“And she’s okay with that?” 

“No, but she’s going to have to come to terms with it. I’ll make her see that this is for the best and once I do, this will all be a thing of the past.” 

He moved a little closer to her on the couch, just enough that he could reach for her hand. He smiled when she didn’t pull it away. 

“I love you, Clara, and I will never say those words to another woman. They are for you and only you. And it doesn’t matter if you never say it back to me because being able to say it to you and feel it is enough. Sure it would be nice, but I'm not expecting anything from you.” 

“I just can’t forgive you so easily.” 

“And I don’t think you should, all I hope is that you will.” 

“I'm going to need some time, James. And not just to think about this, but to think about how I feel.” 

“Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere.” 

Clara looked into his eyes and could see the sincerity. She cared for him a lot and despite the lie he had told her, she appreciated that he was finally honest. 

“So what happens now?” She asked. 

“Now, I work at cutting ties with the people I need to. Most importantly, River. I can’t be associated with any of it.” 

“But couldn’t River go to the police or something?” Clara had no idea how any of this worked and quiet honestly, she didn’t want to. 

“Not without incriminating herself.” James could see that Clara looked worried. “It’s fine. Everything will be okay.” 

Clara wasn’t so sure that everything would be fine. She may not know much about his life, but she could only imagine that leaving it would be hard. 

“Okay,” she replied hesitantly. “I should likely go.” 

“You sure? I could make us dinner.” James didn’t want her to leave, but knew asking her to stay would be a long shot. 

“Thank you, but no.” She stood up and James followed her to the lift. “My mind and my heart are very confused, right now, so like I said, I need some time and I can’t be around you or John while I sort this all out. Can you respect that?” 

“Absolutely. I'll give you all the space you need.” He lifted his hand to her cheek and lightly touched it. “I want you to do what is right for you and if that means you don’t want me in your life, I'll accept that fate.” 

The lifted opened and Clara wasn’t sure what compelled her, but she placed a light kiss on James' cheek before stepping in. The doors closed without either of them saying a word and James wondered if that would be the last time he saw her. 

Clara left James' and decided to walk through the park on her way to the tube, hoping the fresh air would help clear her head a bit. How on earth did she ever get into this mess and how the hell was she going to get out of it? She had never been in a position before where she had feelings for two men and certainly not two men who looked the same. She had a lot to think about and she only hoped that she would end up with an answer by the end of it. 


	17. Chapter 17

A knock came to the Doctor’s door and he took a deep breath before getting up to answer it. He wasn’t looking forward to the conversation he was about to have with Missy and wasn’t really sure if it was a good idea to invite her over to his place, but he knew he couldn’t end things with her over the phone. He wasn’t sure how she would take it because they had never really been serious, but regardless rejection was rejection and it never felt good. Perhaps if he had met her during a different point in his life it would have worked, but it wasn’t fair to her that he really wasn’t over Clara and he couldn’t be with anyone until he sorted that out.

“Hi,” he said as he opened the door.

“Hello,” Missy replied as he stepped in and kissed the Doctor on the lips. 

The Doctor made sure the kiss was brief as he closed the door and then walked towards the living room.

“How have you been?” He asked.

“Better now that I’m seeing you. Although I  have a feeling this isn’t a pleasure call.”

Missy took a seat on the couch and the Doctor sat next to her, but leaving space between them. Of course she would know that something was up, he had been avoiding her for just over a week now.

“You’re a smart woman.”

“Yes, well it’s been very clear you haven’t wanted to see me since the party.”

“It’s not that I haven’t wanted to see you, I'm just not sure how to have this conversation.”

“It’s okay, John. This was never a relationship that was going somewhere. I think we both knew that.”

“I know, but it felt like maybe it could have.”

“Sure if you weren’t still in love with someone else.”

“That obvious, eh?”

“I think to everyone, but the two of you. ”

“I'm really sorry Missy.”

“No need to apologise . It was fun.” She smiled at the Doctor. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know. Clara’s not talking to me at the moment and James has decided to tell her he’s in love with her. ”

“ I heard.”

The Doctor quirked an eyebrow at her.  How did she know about all of that?

“ River told me about it,” she replied as if she had read his mind.

“ Ahh .” The Doctor had briefly forgot  about her connection with James' business partner and now wondered just how much she knew. “What exactly did she tell you?”

Missy eyed him for a moment before she answered him. “Just that she was on her way here to try and talk some sense into James. ”

“About what?” The Doctor knew what, but wanted to see if Missy knew .

Again Missy stared at him, as if she were trying to read him. The doctor was really starting to feel that Missy knew more than she was letting on, but obviously both of them weren’t going to say  what they knew.

“I'm not entirely sure.” 

The Doctor knew she was lying. They may not have been together long, but he could tell by her hesitation and the way her eyes shifted that she wasn’t being honest.

“I know she has been in love with James for a long time,” Missy added before the Doctor could push her more. “So I'm sure hearing he’s in love with someone else made her fly off the rails.”

The Doctor was surprised to hear this because James had made their relationship sound very platonic.

“ She told you this?” The Doctor asked.

“She didn’t have to. It’s been very obvious to me for a long time how she’s felt about him.”

“So James doesn’t know?” 

“I would imagine he doesn’t. Men are pretty clueless when it comes to  recognising when a woman is interested. ”

“And you’re sure this is how River feels?”

“ I would bet my life on it.”

This wasn’t good. If River was indeed in love with James, she would be incredibly upset about him wanting out of their business. And even more upset that he had fallen in love with Clara.

“When is she arriving?” The Doctor asked.

“I don’t know. She had some meetings in New York before she could get here. All I know  is that she wanted to talk to James in person. ” 

The Doctor nodded his head, but didn’t exactly know what to say. It was clear Missy felt the same way.

“Uh, well. I should likely go,” Missy said as she stood up. 

“I'm really sorry about everything,” the Doctor said as he followed Missy to the door.  “I never wanted to lead you on.”

“And you didn’t. I just hope you can find some resolution to all of this.”

“Me too.” The Doctor smiled.

He closed the door after saying their goodbyes. He didn’t know what any of this meant but he knew he should likely tell James what he found out. He was going to have a hard - enough time trying to separate himself from the drug dealing that he didn’t need to be blindsided by River declaring her love.

\-------------

It had been nearly a week since James had last talked to Clara and he was trying really hard to not let it bother him. He knew she needed her space and he really did want to show her that he respected that, but he wanted nothing more than to be able to take her into his arms and show her properly how he felt. He was spending most of his time at his office, throwing himself into his work in an effort to not think about all of this, which had proved useful. He decided to open another shop in London and expand his brand with more ice cream  flavours and different products. The only thing he needed to sort out was River. She was refusing to sign the papers until she could get to London and talk to him, which after speaking with John he now understood why she was so desperate. Not in a million years did he think River was interested in him, and to be honest he wasn’t sure he believed it. How could he not see it? Not that it would have mattered because he never saw her that way. He was just reading through some paperwork when his office door opened and the  woman, he was just thinking about walked in.

“River,” he said as he looked up.

“Hello Sweetie .” A term of endearment she had always used  and James had never thought anything of it, until now. “ Have you come to your senses?”

River closed the door and walked over towards his desk.

“I'm not changing my mind, so you should have just stayed in New York and signed the papers,” James said as he laid his papers down, but didn’t move.

“James, you clearly aren’t thinking straight,” River said as she sat in the chair across from his desk.

“I think I’m thinking the straightest I have ever thought. Please River, just sign the papers and let me move on.”

“I can’t do that.”

“And why the hell not?”

“Because then I’m going to lose you and I can’t. Not after all these years.”

James sighed, not knowing what he could do to convince her to change her mind.

“So you’d rather hold me hostage in all of this than let me be free?”

“I’d rather we keep things the way they’ve been.”

“I can’t do that. I want out of it, River. I never wanted this life and for the first time I can see a way out.”

“Because of Clara?” River’s tone changed.

“This has nothing to do with her. I’ve told you that, so please leave her out of it.”

“It has everything to do with her. You never once voiced your need to turn straight until she walked into your life.”

“I may not have talked to you about it, but I’ve felt it my whole life. I never wanted this life River.  I was forced into when I landed in New York and then just thought this was it for me. But now I know I want more.”

“What more could you possibly want? You have everything.”

“Not everything. I want my family back. I don’t want to be alone.”

“You have me,” River replied.

“I need more than what we have.”

“I could give you what you need.”

“River,” James sighed her name, knowing where this was likely going.

“I mean it, James. We both have needs and we both find a way to satisfy those needs with other people. We could be that for each other.” She got out of her chair and walked around his desk to perch on the edge near his chair.

James narrowed his eyes at her. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I could pleasure you in ways that no woman has ever been able to do.” She leaned forward and grabbed the knot of his tie, pulling it loose.

“River,” James said as he pulled back and moved her hands away from him. “I could never do that with you.”

“Oh come on, James.” She stood up again and moved closer to him, now standing in front of him. “I’ve known you long enough to know what you like.”

“River, will you please just sit down and we can talk about this.” James was now pushed back as far as he could go in his office chair.

“Gladly,” she replied as she sat in his lap.

“I meant in a chair.” He kept his hands gripped the arms of his chair, so not to touch her.

“Why won’t you give in? If you just did, then I can show you that I can be everything you need. I can be the woman you love.”

“I said no, River,” James said firmly. “I’m in love with Clara and I will never love another woman. Regardless of how she feels about me.”

“God James,” she said as she finally stood up and moved away. “Don’t you see that that little tart has been using you. It’s your brother she wants, not you!”

“That’s not true.” 

River rolled her eyes at him. 

“It’s not,” he reiterated. “Sure I get that she was likely attracted to me because I look like him, but she knows me for me and wants me, not him. Besides you know nothing about my relationship with her.”

“I know enough,” River answered smugly.

“How?”

“I have my ways. You didn’t think I would leave you here without knowing what you were doing? My eyes are everywhere. Which is why you’re not getting out of this, James.”

“Damn it, River! Why can’t you just let me go? Take over your dad’s business and run it the way you want. You could make more money and have the power I know you always wanted.”

“Because that’s not what I want!” She finally lost her cool and yelled back at him. “I want you! I’ve always wanted you, but you were too busy fucking any young thing that batted an eye at you. I stood by and watched you seduce and make arrangements with women, hoping that one day you would tire of all that and finally see me for who I am. The woman who stood by your side through everything! How do you think it feels to hear you say that that has finally happened, but it’s not me that you want a life with, it’s Clara!”

James had never seen River lose her calm like this before. She was always very together and never appeared to let anything bother her. Sure they had fought, but she was always authoritative and in control. He needed to tread carefully with her.

“River, I had no idea that you felt that way,” he answered.

“Well I do! I have from the moment I first laid eyes on you when I was in high school! I just thought you wouldn’t let anything happen between us because of my father, but after he died you still didn’t look at me that way.” She began pacing back and forth. “I continued waiting, trying to justify it as you didn’t want to mix business and pleasure, but then the second you come here and lay eyes on Clara, you throw that rule out the window. You’ve been willing to throw everything away for her and she can’t possibly love you the way I do!”

“River, please sit down and we can talk about this.” He was starting to worry about how erratic she was getting. 

“No! You know what, I’m done talking and I’m done waiting. We belong together James and I just need to make you see that.” River moved towards his office door.

“Where are you going?” 

“To make this right.” 

“River, wait!” James yelled as she opened his door, but she didn’t respond and instead just kept walking.

James had no idea what she was going to do, but he didn’t have a good feeling about this at all. He ran out of his office, but by the time he got to the lift the doors were closing and there was no sign of River. He went back in and grabbed his mobile off his desk to call Clara.

“Pick up, pick up,” he said as he  ran back to the lift and  frantically hit the down button. 


	18. Chapter 18

The Doctor had just entered his flat after getting home from work when his mobile rang.

“John, I need you to go to Clara’s,” James said from the other end sounding  panicky .

“She isn’t speaking to me right now, so I don’t think sending me over to do your bidding is a good idea.”

“No, I think she might be in danger.”

“Jesus Christ, James! You told me she would be fine,” the Doctor yelled into the phone as he grabbed his keys and ran out his door.

“And I thought she would be, but River just left my office and she seemed a bit crazed. I have no idea where she was going, but I feel like she might be wanting to talk to Clara.”

“Where are you now?”

“I’m in my car on my way to her office, just in case she’s still there. She’s not picking up her mobile and I just thought that since you’re close to her flat you could check on her.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know if I find her.”

The Doctor hung up and began to run down the street towards Clara’s. Once he got there he banged on her front door, but no answer. He decided maybe he would try and ring her, just in case she was avoiding James’ calls. He waited for her to pick up, but just like his brother, no answer. He quickly typed a message as he started thinking where she might be.

**_ Clara, please call me as soon as you get this. _ **

He then phoned James back.

“Any luck?” James asked when he answered.

“No, she’s not here. I’m going to head over to her office, try and trace the steps she might take and hope to cross paths with her.”

He left Clara’s and pulled out his mobile again as he walked towards the tube. He thought maybe he’d call Rose and see if she knew where she might be.

“Hi,’ she said as she answered.

“Hi,” the Doctor replied. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was hoping you might know where I can find Clara.”

“Why?” She asked.

“I just need to find her, do you know?” He was a tad short with her because he didn’t have time questions.

“No, I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days. What’s going on, Doctor?”

“James is just concerned and needs to find her. I’m trying to help him.” 

“Concerned about what?” Rose continued to question.

“He’s just worried and wants to make sure she’s okay.”

“Well I know she was wanting some space from him, and you for that matter, so the two of you are likely the last people she wants to see right now.”

“I know, and I’ll gladly leave her alone once I know she’s okay. Listen, can you do me a  favour and call her? I fear that because she doesn’t want to talk to James and I, that she’s avoiding our calls and texts.”

“Okay,” Rose agreed. “I'll text you and let you know what I find out.”

“Thanks,” the Doctor replied, relieved that Rose would help him. 

He hung up and glanced around the area just before he was about to step into the tube station, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but no luck. He really hoped James was wrong, but he too was starting to get a very bad feeling, similar to the one that he had when she had been kidnapped.

\-----------

Clara had been focusing on her work and staying later at the office, since she had taken her break from the Smith men. After she had left James'  place, she cleared her schedule and really reflected on her life, both past, present and future, thinking about all the choices she had made that lead her to her current situation. She thought about her actions when she dropped out of school and how she really had been avoiding growing up. She wasn’t entirely sure why that was, perhaps some weird way of preserving her mum, but she finally saw the truth behind what she did, what she always did when she was faced with a problem, she ran away. She wanted so badly to run now, but she couldn’t because she had finally started to grow up and had responsibilities here. She had a job that she loved and a career that she could see growing with and it was that, that she really wanted. This job was the one thing that brought her joy and she didn’t want to mess that up. She spent the rest of her time thinking about her happiness and which man she fit better with, which one she could see creating a life with, perhaps even starting a family with. And the more she thought about her future, it started to become obvious who she wanted. She still wasn’t ready to talk to either man because she wanted to be one hundred percent sure, but she knew she was getting closer to that moment with each passing day.

She glanced around the office and noticed that no one was left, including Donna. She should likely head home, but she just had a few more concept sketches to finish and knew if she left now, she would lose her momentum. She looked down at her mobile to check the time and noticed that it had died. She had been really focusing so hard that she hadn’t even  realised it. She picked up her bag and started rummaging through it, looking for her charger when she heard the lift ding. She looked up and was surprised to see who it was.

“ River,” she said.

“Hello, Clara. I hope you don’t mind me coming here like this?”

“Ah, no, it’s okay. How did you know I was here?”

“Missy has been keeping tabs on you for me because you’ve become a bit of a problem for the two of us.”

Clara should have known Missy was up to no good. She had always had a bad feeling about her. 

“And how did you get past security?” Clara asked.

“Oh, I have my way with men. Well most men,” River added.

“Okay, and why are you here?” Clara asked, knowing it likely had to do with James.

“I’m having trouble talking sense into James and I thought that maybe I could talk to you. You know  woman to woman.”

“And what is it that you need James to do?”

“To not leave me. To love me and not you.”

Clara had no idea why River would be here, but now she knew what it was all about. She was jealous and felt betrayed, and no doubt blamed Clara for all of it. She didn’t know River very well and had no idea what she would be capable of, but from what she had heard from James she knew River was a no-nonsense kind of woman and had to deal with a lot of  unsavoury people.

“I didn’t think you were interested in James that way.” Clara thought it might be best to try and keep her talking while she tried to figure out a way to get to the lift or into an office where she could lock the door and call security, just in case the need arose.

“I’ve always thought of him that way. I was just waiting for him to stop fucking around and realize that I was the woman he needed to be with.” River moved closer to Clara’s cubicle. “But it would seem that you have messed all of that up.”

“And how exactly have I done that?” Clara stepped out from her desk and started slowly backing away.

“You made him fall in love with you.”

“I didn’t make him do anything, River. He’s his own man and can’t control his feelings even though he may have thought he could.”

“No, see that’s where you’re wrong. He had been controlling his emotions for years. He wasn’t going to stop doing that. Not for anyone. So what the hell is so special about you? Why are you the woman he falls for, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with?”

“I don’t know. Only he can answer that.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m done talking to him about this.”

“So then why are you here if you’re done with this?”

“Because I'm not done with him, I’ll never be. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved and that’s why I need you out of the picture. It’s the only chance I have of finally being with him, now that he knows how I feel.”

Clara knew River had completely lost it; she was now talking nonsense.

“River, even if I’m not with James, it doesn’t mean he’s going to suddenly start loving you. You can’t force those feelings.”

“True, but it would at least give me a fighting chance.”

“So if I say that I’ll leave James, you’ll walk out of here?”

“Don’t be silly, dear. I know James well enough to know that he always gets what he wants. And if he wants you, he won’t stop until he wins. You leaving him, will only make him fight harder.”

Now Clara was downright terrified. She started moving back hoping she would make it to one of the offices before River reached her. She wasn’t close enough to risk making a sudden move.

“River, what the hell are you talking about?”

The lift dinged and both women looked towards it to see James walk out. River quickly reached into her purse and pulled out a knife as she lunged at Clara, wrapping her arm around her and holding the knife to her throat.

“River! Put the knife down!” James yelled and moved towards the women.

“No! Don’t take another step!”

James stopped moving and looked at Clara. She looked so scared and he hated to see her like that, knowing that he was once again the reason she was in danger. He tried his best to assure her with a look, that it would be okay.

“River, just listen to me. Don’t do anything that you’re going to regret.”

“James, she’s the reason you want to leave me. Leave everything that we built. Mondasian is important to me too and now you want me out of it. I can’t just give it all up.”

“Okay, we can work something out, but please just let Clara go. She had nothing to do with my decision to buy you out.”

“No, but if you hadn’t fallen in love with her, you wouldn’t want this other life. Things would still be the same.”

“River, I want to talk about this with you, but not while you have Clara like that. Please just drop the knife and come with me. Just you and I.”

River didn’t say anything, it was obvious she was thinking about what James said. Clara kept her eyes focused on James, hoping that he had been able to convince River to let her go.

“If I ask you to come back to New York with me, will you?” River asked.

“Let Clara go and we’ll talk about it.”

“No! Answer me, James!”

“Yes,” he lied. “Now please let Clara go.”

The lift dinged for a third time and River glanced at it, momentarily dropping her guard. James used the opportunity to charge at her, causing her to loosen her grip on Clara, who was able to move out of her grasp. She looked at the lift to see the Doctor running towards her along with the security guard from downstairs, then looked back to see James struggling with River. It was as if time had slowed down and she could hear each beat of her heart as she helplessly watched James trying to get the knife away from River, until suddenly a muffled scream was heard and they both dropped to the ground.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep emotional feelings ahead...

The scene before Clara started racing by. River stood up, dropping knife to the ground, while the security guard ran and grabbed her to stop her from fleeing, although she wasn’t making any attempt to run, staring down at James in disbelief. 

“James!” Clara screamed and rushed over to him, immediately followed by the Doctor. 

She looked down and saw blood pouring out of his abdomen. She quickly tore off her cardigan and pressed it on to the wound while the Doctor called 999. 

“Hang on. John’s called the emergency.” 

“Clara, River, she’s…” he struggled to speak. 

“Shhh, save your strength. The security guard has her and she’s not going to hurt anyone.” 

“James! I'm so sorry,” River cried. “I never meant to hurt you!” 

“Will you get her out of here!” The Doctor yelled as he dropped down to the floor next to his brother. 

The guard said he would take her down to the lobby while he waited for the police and the paramedics. 

“I'm so… sorry… Clara.” 

“It’s okay,” she said as she wiped her hand across his forehead. “It’s not your fault, just please save your strength James.” 

James' eyes started to slowly shut. 

“Don’t you dare do that,” the Doctor said as he took his brother’s hand. “You stay here, you hear me.” 

James opened his eyes again and looked at his twin. All he could do was slowly nod. 

“Good, because you just came back to me, and we still need to go for that pint.” 

Before anything else could be said the paramedics and police hurried in, and Clara and the Doctor immediately got out of their way while they worked on James. 

“We spoke to the guard downstairs,” the officer said. “He explained what happened, but we’re going to need statements from the two of you as well. However, that can wait.” 

“Of course,” the Doctor replied. 

All Clara could do was nod as she stared at James being lifted on to a stretcher. She’d never witnessed anything like this and felt like she was living a horrible nightmare that she wasn’t waking up from. 

“Where are you taking him?” The Doctor asked. 

“The Royal London,” one medic answered. 

“I'll take you and the young lady there,” the officer answered. 

“Can I ride with him?” Clara spoke for the first time since emergency services arrived. 

“Come on,” the medic answered as they got on the lift. 

She stepped on and reached for James’ hand, trying her best to reassure him that everything would be okay. There wasn’t enough room for everyone to get on, so the Doctor and the police officer took the stairs down and made their way to his car, just as the ambulance was pulling away with the siren blasting. The Doctor stared out the window as he was driven through the streets of London as quickly as the officer could go. A thousand different scenarios were running through his head, all of which he prayed his brother would be okay. 

Once he got to the hospital, he found Clara, just as they were rushing James away. A nurse took the two of them to a waiting area where neither of them really knew what to do. The Doctor could see the concern on Clara’s face and then noticed that she was covered in blood and was only wearing a t-shirt. He looked down at himself and saw that he too had blood on him, but not as much as Clara as she had been the one holding James’ wound. As he tended to wear a lot of layers, he took off his hoody and offered it to her, who took it from him and slipped it on, whispering a quiet thank you. 

The Doctor began pacing, wondering what was happening and needing to hear some sort of news. Finally after what seemed like hours, but was in actuality minutes a nurse came out and told them they were taking James to surgery. She took them to another waiting room, where there were fewer people and said they would give them updates when they could. 

“Why don’t you sit?” Clara asked, as she spoke to the Doctor for the first time that night. 

She had sat in a chair away from another young couple, trying to find a more isolated spot to wait. The Doctor was still pacing around and it was making her even more nervous watching him. He looked at her and saw the worry plastered over her face and decided she was right, so took a seat next to her. 

“He’s going to be okay, Clara,” the Doctor said, trying to reassure himself just as much as her. 

“I hope so.” 

“He has to be. I just got him back.” 

Clara looked at the Doctor. She had been so worried about James that she hadn’t really noticed how this was affecting him. This had to be torture for him, watching his twin go through this, the last remaining family member he had. She went to reach for his hand, and noticed the blood that was drying on hers. 

“There’s a washroom down the hall, I think,” the Doctor said as he noticed her actions. 

“Thanks. I’m just going to go clean up.” 

Clara got up and walked down the hall. The Doctor took the opportunity to call Rose. 

“Did you find her?” She asked when she answered his call. 

“Yes, but I need another favour. Can you or Amy, go to Clara’s and get her a change of clothes?” 

“Why, what’s going on?” Rose asked concerned. 

“I don’t want to go into details, but James has been hurt and we’re at the hospital. Clara’s clothes have been ruined and I think she would appreciate some clean ones. Can you guys do that?” 

“Oh my god! Is he okay?” 

“We don’t know yet. He’s in surgery.” 

“Okay, I’m sure Amy has a key to her flat, if not I’ll bring Clara something of mine.” 

“Thank you.” 

The Doctor hung up, just as Clara returned. 

“Who was that?” She asked. 

“Rose. I’m getting her to bring you a change of clothes. I know you’re not going to want to leave, but I also thought you might want to get out of those.” 

“Thank you.” 

More time past with neither of them saying much to each other. Eventually Rose came by, but couldn’t get into the area they were so the Doctor went out to meet her and got Clara’s clothes. After Clara changed, she looked at her bloodied shirt and trousers and was grateful that the Doctor had called to get her a clean outfit. She took a moment to splash some water on her face and to gather her thoughts before she went back out. She didn’t want to lose James, not like this. It wouldn’t be fair and it wouldn’t be right. He was finally being honest and wanting to make changes and he deserved to live the life he wanted. Even though that life wasn’t going to be with her. She had decided before all of this that it was the Doctor she wanted and it was really him that she wanted all along. She had just let herself become blinded by her anger and broken heart that she hadn’t seen that she had never really stopped loving him. That once she forgave him, they had been building something that would have been a solid foundation for a great relationship. Their photo walks, record shopping, coffee talks all of it was what they should have done in the beginning, but didn’t because they were both blinded by their lust for each other. But she couldn’t see any of that because she was blinded by James, convinced herself that he wasn’t a substitution for what she really wanted. She grabbed a paper towel and dried her face, knowing that now was not the time to be thinking about all of that. Now she had to focus on James and making sure he was okay to live his new life. 

“Feel better?” The Doctor asked as she sat down. 

“Yeah, thanks so much.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

“So any news?” 

“Nothing yet.” The Doctor looked at his watch. “God it’s been two hours. Shouldn’t he be out by now?” 

Just then a doctor appeared in the waiting room and called his name. 

“Hello,” the surgeon said as the Doctor stood and pulled him and Clara aside. “James is out of surgery and is in recovery right now. There was a lot of bleeding and he lost a lot of blood. We’ve repaired what we could see of the damage, but he isn’t out of the woods yet. The next twenty-four hours are going to be very critical.” 

“Thank you,” the Doctor gave a tiny sigh of relief. “Can I see him?” 

“In about a half hour. We’ll move him to a private room and you can go in then, but only one of you at a time and immediate family only.” The surgeon glanced at Clara. 

“She’s his fiancé,” the Doctor lied, but wanted to be sure that Clara would be able to see James. 

“Okay, he’ll likely be in and out of consciousness, but it would be nice if someone sat with him.” 

“Thank you,” Clara said. 

The surgeon left, telling them that a nurse would come by to show them where James’ room was. Both of them took a seat again, feeling a little better knowing that James was alive and out of surgery. 

“Thank you,” Clara said to the Doctor. 

“Well I knew they likely wouldn’t let you see him if you weren’t at least listed as more than a girlfriend.” 

True to the surgeon’s word, a nurse came to take them to another floor. He explained to them that James would be out of it for the most part, but that talking to him would help, he had seen it many times with a lot of patients who seemed to need that will to fight. Once they got to the room, Clara insisted that the Doctor go in first and she would wait. She took a seat in some chairs that were just outside James’ door and started thinking about what she would say to him. She needed him to fight, and perhaps he might do that if he knew he was fighting to come back to her. She didn’t want to lead him on, but at the same time she knew it would definitely give him something to come back for. 

The Doctor stepped into the room and was taken aback to see James hooked up to so many wires, lying completely lifeless in bed. He took a seat next to him and picked up his hand, taking a couple of deep breaths before he started speaking. 

“I’m not ready to say goodbye to you, so you better not even think of leaving me again. I know we have had many differences, but we have a lot of lost time to make up for.” 

The Doctor stared down at James who didn’t move. He had never been very good at opening up and sharing his emotions, but he knew there were things he needed to say and now was likely the time to do it. 

“I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder for us, that I didn’t try and find you when I got out of prison, that I was angry for so long. You were my best friend, my other half and I let my anger get the better of me and it’s time to let all that go. So no matter what happens with Clara, I’ll be happy for you because I’ll know how lucky you are and you deserve that in your life. River is out of the picture, James, and you can finally have that life you want with the woman you love.” 

James blinked a few times before he half opened his eyes. 

“John,” he whispered. 

“Hey,” the Doctor smiled, relived to see him awake. 

“I'm… sorry… too,” James answered, struggling to speak. John tried to get him to stop, but James refused. “I love.. you.. never stopped.” 

“I know and I've never stopped loving you either. You’re my other half and you always will be.” 

James coughed a little and the Doctor gave him a small sip of water. 

“You need to save your energy,” the Doctor said as he put the glass down. 

“Clara?” James asked. 

“She’s outside. I'll go get her, but you need to rest.” 

James nodded, “thanks.” 

The Doctor went to the door, and saw Clara waiting just next to it. 

“He’s awake.” 

“Oh thank God,” she gave a sigh of relief. “Can I see him?” 

“Of course, but he looks really tired.” 

“Okay, I just want to be with him.” 

“Yeah, go on in. I'll be right here.” 

Clara stepped through the door, as the Doctor took her seat. He hated seeing her so sad and distraught, and all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and tell her it would be okay. But that wasn’t for him to do. He needed to learn how to have her in his life and not be in love with her. She was with James and very likely once he gets out of here, they’ll be planning their happy life together. 

It looked like James had fallen asleep again, when Clara walked in. She suddenly had flashes to when her mum had been in the hospital and she did her best to squeeze those thoughts away. She sat down next to the bed and took James' hand in between hers, bringing her lips down to kiss it. She needed to give him hope, something to fight for. 

“I know that we hadn’t left things on the best terms, but I want you to know, James, that I forgive you. I know you lied because you had no choice and I know that you’re not a bad man. You’re just a man who got caught up in the wrong life. And I think you tried your best to make sure other young men didn’t end up the way you did and that is an admirable thing.” 

This was all true. She had forgiven him and she needed him to know that. She had thought that she didn’t know who the real James was, but as she thought back to when they first met and the way he presented himself to her, she saw it. She saw how he had changed, how he had opened up to her. She couldn’t fault him for the mistake he had made that lead him to the life he desperately wanted out of. 

“I feel so honoured that I'm the woman who has made you want more out of life, the woman that helped you to learn what love feels like. Because it is the best feeling in the world and everyone should know what it’s like. You’ve been a big part in making me feel things I haven’t felt in a very long time.” 

“Clara,” she heard his quiet voice and sat up to see him smiling at her. 

“Hey,” she smiled in return. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

“For what?” 

“For forgiving... me.” He coughed and Clara reached for his glass of water, but he stopped her. “I am... so grateful you... came into my life. And you’re right, being in love with you... has been... the best feeling.” 

“I’m very happy to have made you feel that, James. But you should really rest. We need to get you better and home again.” 

James reached for Clara’s hand and she held it again. He brought it up to his lips and placed a very tender kiss on her knuckles. He felt so tired. He didn’t know if Clara really loved him or not, but it didn’t matter. He knew that she cared for him very much, and really that’s all a man like him could ask for. She had been a big part of bringing him back to his brother and that’s what was most important. That was the relationship that mattered more than anything. He could feel his tiredness growing and he knew that he wasn’t likely going to wake up from this. And that was okay. He came to terms with everything and most of all he had his brother back. This was how it should be. He just needed to say the words one more time to the woman that changed his life. 

“I love you Clara.” 

Clara watched James' eyes slowly close and then heard a long continuous beep from the machine beside her.


	20. Chapter 20

Clara and the Doctor walked into her flat, neither saying much on the way home. Clara kept replaying her last moment with James over and over and couldn’t get the image out of her mind. Everything happened so quickly, nurses and doctors rushing in and trying their best to resuscitate him. She stood there completely helpless watching them make all efforts to save him, but nothing worked. James was gone and she was never going to see him again. She hadn’t even been aware that the Doctor had come into the room until the nurses and doctors left. They had a moment to say their goodbyes, but it didn’t make any sense. They had just been talking to James and now he was dead. 

“Do you want a drink?” She asked the Doctor as she walked towards the kitchen. 

“Yes,” he answered as he entered her living room and took a seat on her couch. 

Clara came back in with two glasses and handed one to the Doctor before she took a seat in a chair. He didn’t take a drink, just sat there staring at the amber liquid, lost in thought. 

“You okay?” She asked. 

It was a stupid question because of course he wasn’t okay. He had just lost his twin brother and she had yet to see him cry, so she knew he was holding onto something. 

“No,” he answered. “I just can’t believe that he’s really gone and it’s not fair. I lost so much time with him because I was so angry. I let that anger rob me of him and now I can never make that up to him.” 

He downed his entire drink. 

“I just wish I had reached out to him and helped him get out of that life. He’d still be alive if I had.” 

“You can’t blame yourself for this, John. River’s the one who did this.” 

“I know, I just feel so helpless. Like I should have done more.” 

Clara just nodded, not really sure what to say. 

“But what about you? How are you?” 

He had noticed that she had been much like him, going through the motions of getting back to her flat, not really aware of what was going on around them. 

“I feel like this is all some horrible nightmare that I'm not waking up from. He was just talking to me, told me he loved me and that was it.” 

The Doctor wanted to take her into his arms and console her, tell her it would all be better, but he couldn’t. He just felt like he didn’t fully know how to be around her. They sat in silence for a bit longer, until the Doctor looked at his watch and noticed how late it was. 

“I should go,” he said as he stood up and walked towards her door. 

“Wait,” Clara said quietly, causing him to stop and turn back around. “Would you stay with me? I can sleep on the couch. I just don’t want to be alone.” 

He saw how vulnerable she looked and he flashed back to her office when River had been holding the knife to her throat. He had completely forgotten about that after all they had been through since then. Of course she wouldn't’ want to be alone tonight. 

“Sure, but I’m taking the couch and don’t argue.” 

“Fine, I’ll grab you some blankets and a pillow.” 

He took their drink glasses into the kitchen, while Clara went to get the bedding. He poured himself a glass of water then went back out to see Clara making up the couch. 

“I could have done that,” he said. 

“It’s fine. It’s done now.” 

She walked back towards the hall, but stopped and turned around to him. 

“Thank you. I just feel better knowing someone else is here.” 

“No problem. Sleep well.” 

Clara said goodnight and went to her room to get ready for bed and once she got in, she laid there and let the tears that she had been holding back flow. Life was cruel and very unfair. This wasn’t how it should be, and her heart was breaking. She didn’t love James, but she cared for him very much and the idea that she would never receive a funny text or flowers to cheer her up from him again, made her sad. But what was breaking her heart was knowing what the Doctor must be going through right now and she didn’t know how to be there for him. Now was not the time to tell him how she felt and to be honest she wasn’t ready to. There was too much to process, now more than anything. 

\--------- 

The Doctor woke up the next morning feeling tired and very confused until everything came flashing back to him. He had spent the night at Clara’s and his brother was gone. He laid there staring up at the ceiling thinking about all the things he had to do today, not even knowing where to begin. He knew James’ work would need to know, and he should call his boss to tell them he was going to need to take some time off. He also needed to contact the funeral home and start making arrangements for a funeral, although he had no idea who would even come. He looked at his watch and saw that it was still early and Clara was still sleeping. He didn’t want to wake her, but he didn’t want to lie there any longer, so he decided he would get up and make coffee. 

He looked around the kitchen for the stuff he needed, hoping that Clara wouldn’t mind. He started putting everything together, trying to focus on what he was doing, but finding it hard to stop his mind from wandering to James. The two of them had had a very strong connection when they were younger and the bond of being a twin was a powerful thing. The feeling of losing half of himself was bubbling on the surface and the quiet of the flat wasn’t helping him from fighting it. He was never going to see James again and would have the constant reminder of him, every time he looked in a mirror. For years he let his anger control him and it made it easier to not think of him, but now that he had let that go, he was looking forward to getting to know him again. He felt the first tear fall down his cheek and that seemed to be all he needed to let them all start flowing. 

Clara woke up, the events of the previous day fresh in her mind. She went to look for her mobile and then remembered that she had left everything at the office. She needed to call Donna, who likely would have heard by now what had happened, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to do that until she remember the Doctor had stayed over last night. She got out of bed, threw on a robe and went out to see if he was awake, but what she was greeted with utterly broke her heart. The Doctor was in her kitchen leaning against the counter, sobbing. There was no stopping herself as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, causing him to stiffen, but then he turned and pulled her into him, holding her the tightest she had ever felt. She wasn’t sure how long the two of them stood in her kitchen crying and hugging each other, it didn’t matter, but a knock at her door pulled them out of the moment. Without saying anything, Clara went to the door, while the Doctor stayed in the kitchen, trying to get his composure back. 

“Donna,” Clara said as she opened her door, wiping her nose with a tissue. 

“Oh my god, Clara! I’m so glad you’re okay. I got to the office this morning and found out what happened. I sent everyone home, but wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

“I’m about as good as can be. Please come in.” Clara didn’t know what Donna knew about her and James, but if she didn’t know anything, she was about to find it all out once the Doctor came out of the kitchen. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions.” 

“I don’t need to know the details, Clara,” Donna said as she stepped inside. “I knew something was up with you and James, I just didn’t know how serious it was.” 

The Doctor stepped out of the kitchen and caught Donna completely by surprise. 

“Ah, Donna, this is John, obviously James’ brother.” 

Clara could only imagine what was going through Donna’s mind, her in her pajamas and the Doctor wearing jeans and a t-shirt, both of them clearly looking like they had just woken up. She felt like she needed to give her some sort of explanation because the last thing she wanted was her boss to be thinking the worst of her. Donna shook his hand, gave her condolences and then looked at Clara. 

“John and I used to date, what seems like an eternity ago now.” 

Donna just nodded her head. “Oh, before I forget, I was able to grab your stuff Clara.” 

“Oh thank you so much. I just realised that I had left it there.” 

“No problem.” 

There was a slight awkward pause before the Doctor offered Donna some coffee. She politely refused saying that she needed to go find a temporary work space until they could get back in the office. She told Clara not to worry about work for now, just to keep her posted as to when she would be back. Clara walked her to the door and then leaned her head on it once she closed it. 

“I take it she didn’t know you and James were together,” The Doctor said. 

“No, I didn’t exactly want everyone at work knowing that I was sleeping with my former client.” 

“True,” he replied. “Ah, you want coffee?” 

“Yes, please.” 

The two had some breakfast, not really saying much as they ate. 

“So can I help you with making arrangements and stuff?” Clara offered. 

The Doctor hadn’t thought about her wanting to help him, but of course she would want to be a part of this process. She should be. 

“Sure, I'm not really sure what to do and would appreciate another opinion.” 

“Whatever you need, let me know.” 

“Well I should likely get home, first. I need to call JD and see if he can take my class this afternoon and then talk to the university. Why don’t you call me once you’re ready and then we can go from there?” 

“Sure.” 

A knock came to her door and Clara wondered who it could be this time. 

“Oh thank god,” Amy exclaimed once the door was opened. “I just heard about James.” 

Amy pulled her into a hug and then noticed the Doctor standing behind her friend. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said to him. 

“Thanks,” he answered quietly. Then moved towards the opened door. “I’ll see you later,” he said to Clara and then stepped into the hall. 

“Yeah,” Clara looked at Amy. “Give me a second.” 

Clara followed the Doctor out and shut the door so that Amy couldn’t hear her. 

“Thank you for last night. I was a lot more shaken than I thought I was and it was comforting to know that you were here.” 

“You’re welcome.” He went to bring his hand up to her cheek, but then dropped it, knowing that he shouldn’t do that. 

Clara noticed his hesitation and stepped in to give him a hug, knowing that he could likely use one. He slowly brought his arms up and wrapped them around her, then she felt his heavy sigh almost as if this hug was bringing life back into him. They pulled a part and then said their goodbyes before Clara went back in. 

“Clara, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now,” Amy said as Clara sat down on the couch near her. “What you’re both going through.” 

“Yeah, it’s all a bit surreal. How did you find out?” 

“It’s all over the news.” 

“Of course. I hadn’t even thought of that.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to call you, and when I didn’t hear from you, I just decided to come over. Your dad called me too.” 

“Damn. My phone is dead. I’ll call him in a bit.” 

“What the hell happened? The news didn’t say much, just that there was a stabbing at your office and that James had died from his injuries.” 

Clara decided there wasn’t much point in keeping the truth from Amy and told her about everything that had happened. For the first time in a long time, her friend was completely speechless, learning that James was a drug dealer and that he had fallen head over heels in love with Clara. She went on to tell her about River and how completely unhinged she got, threatening Clara, and that James essentially died trying to save her. 

“My god Clara!” Amy uttered in disbelief. “This all sounds like a bloody movie.” 

“Yeah. I feel horrible, Amy. James wasn’t a bad man and deserved to know what love felt like, but he died without getting the chance to know what it’s like to be with someone who loves you the way you love them.” 

“Oh, Clara. I don’t think he needed to know that. From the sounds of it he was a man who never opened up the way he did with you and even though you may not have loved him the way he loved you, I think you gave him what he needed.” 

“Maybe. We’ll never know. I wanted to love him Amy, but the more I thought about my feelings and my future it was the Doctor I kept seeing.” 

Amy smiled at her, “Did you tell him?” 

“No. I was going to talk to James in a few days, once I was a hundred percent sure, but now this has happened.” 

“So tell him.” 

“Amy, now is not the time for me to be telling the Doctor how I feel. I’m trying to process all of this and honestly, I have no idea how or what I should feel right now. I may not have loved James, but I did care for him very much and given different circumstances, I’m sure I would have fallen in love with him. I miss him, Amy.” Clara’s eyes started to well. “But then at the same time I see the pain the Doctor is in and my heart breaks. He just got his brother back and they were going to work at getting their relationship back to where it should have been. They were both robbed of that and it tears my heart out knowing that he has lost his other half.” 

Clara’s tears started to flow and Amy moved over to hold her friend as she too started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me take this moment to apologise for whatever you're feeling right now. Some of you may be happy that James is finally gone, others may be sad. I honestly don't know how you'll feel, but I know that for me, the last two chapters were incredibly difficult to write as I called on some emotions I didn't want to, but had to. I know that last few chapters have been intense, so I promise the last 3 are going to be happier to read.


	21. Chapter 21

The Doctor sat anxiously in the sterile looking office waiting to meet with James' lawyer to go over his will. He had already been through a whirlwind of emotions and chaos over the past couple of weeks and he was hoping this would be the end of it, or at least the start of things calming down. 

Clara had been a huge help to him and continued to be. Together, they planned a very small wake where their closest friends came along with a few employees from Mondasian. The Doctor was surprised to hear the employees speak very highly of James and how he never came across as a rich boss who didn’t care about his workers. He always made sure they were happy and put their lives ahead of their jobs. One man told him how James would always say, “This is my baby and no one should work longer or harder than him.” The Doctor was happy to hear this, but at the same time sad that he never got to know that man. 

He and Clara also had to deal with the police during that time. They had to give their statements and recount what happened that night, which wasn’t easy for them to do and it was especially hard on Clara, but they both got through it. River was going to be going away for a very long time, especially after a further investigation revealed the drug business, which thankfully, James had kept incredibly separate from Mondasian. James' name wasn’t tarnished and nothing was going to happen to the business, which had been another issue the Doctor was handling. Mondasian needed someone to run it and with both James and River gone things were beginning to back up. Clara had helped a little, since she knew a bit about the company from working with James, but neither of them were business people. 

“Mr. Smith,” a tall lanky man said, as he stepped out of an office. “So sorry to keep you waiting.” 

“No problem,” the Doctor said as he shook the man’s hand. 

“Come on in.” 

“This really shouldn’t take too long,” the lawyer said as he took a seat at his desk and the Doctor sat across from him. “Basically, James has left you everything he has.” 

“Okay,” the Doctor replied very unsure. “What exactly does that mean?” 

“It means that you are a very wealthy man now. Well once all the paperwork is complete.” 

“And what about the business?” 

“That’s yours too.” 

“But I don’t know how to run a business. Especially, not one the size of Mondasian.” 

“Then sell it. It’s entirely up to you what you do. Whatever stakes Ms. Song had in the business transferred to James and well, now to you. All decisions are one hundred percent yours.” 

The Doctor didn’t know how to take all this news. He hadn’t expected this at all. He thought for sure James would have left everything to a trust or something. They hadn’t been speaking to one another for years. 

“May I ask, when did James write his will?” 

“Oh he wrote it a long time ago, but the strangest thing was, he came in a few weeks before all of this happened and changed it.” 

“I see.” 

The Doctor could feel his eyes start to well. James had done this after he had come clean to him and this was his way of trying to make up for it all. The two men had more things to discuss and some paperwork to go over, but by the time the Doctor walked out of the office he had a different picture of his brother. He was in complete shock and he needed to see Clara, so he decided to call and see if she was home. 

“Hey,” she said as she answered. “How did it go at the lawyers?” 

“Strange. You around?” 

“Yeah, come on over.” 

“Okay, I'll be there soon.” He hung up and made his way to the tube station anxious to talk to her. 

\------ 

Twenty minutes later he arrived at Clara’s flat and knocked on her door. It took her a few minutes to answer and when she did, she was on her mobile. She smiled at him and then motioned for him to come in. He made himself at home, while she finished her call, knowing that it likely had something to do with her job. She had gone back to work this week, but when she had gotten to the office, she had a panic attack, remembering what had happened in the very spot near her desk, so Donna had sent her home and told her she could work from there until they sorted this situation out. Luckily, her boss had been thinking of moving offices, as the company was growing, so now the fact that a knifing had happened there seemed a good time to put that into motion. 

“Sorry about that,” she said as she got off the phone. “Donna was having trouble opening one of my files.” 

“No problem,” he answered. “I can come back if you’re busy.” 

“No, it’s fine. I had trouble sleeping last night, so I’ve been working since the wee hours. You are a much-needed break and distraction.” She smiled at him. 

“Nightmares?” 

“Yeah, but they’re becoming fewer and further apart, so that’s good.” 

Clara didn’t want to tell him that her nightmares weren’t what he likely thought they were, knowing he would worry about her and that was the last thing he needed. Ever since losing James she had been having these horrible dreams that it had been the Doctor instead of his brother. Every time she had one, she woke up crying and would have a hard time falling back to sleep. 

“Anyway, what did the lawyer say?” She asked changing the subject. 

“Well, you’re looking at the new owner of Mondasian Ice Cream.” 

“What?! Seriously?” Clara was shocked because the two of them had pretty much thought the same thing about James’ will. 

“Yeah, he left me everything, Clara. Well not quite everything. Turned out he had been making a monthly donation to a youth group in Glasgow, a program that is designed to keep kids off the streets and from getting into trouble the way he and I did.” 

“He never told me that.” 

“The lawyer said he didn’t tell anyone and his donation was anonymous, so not surprising that he didn’t.” 

They were both silent for a moment, obviously thinking about James and how even in death, he was still full of surprises. 

“So what are you going to do about the business?” Clara asked, wanting to take both their minds off of their thoughts. 

“I honestly don’t know. I feel like I should probably sell it.” 

Clara didn’t say anything, but instead just gave a slight frown. 

“What?” The Doctor asked. 

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.” 

“You don’t have to. Your eyes are talking for you. You think I should keep it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Clara, I don’t know how to do what James did.” 

“I know, but he would never have wanted his company to be sold and end up in the hands of a competitor, who would just destroy it. I think he left it to you so his legacy could live on.” 

She had a very valid point and it was the one reason that was making him feel torn about his decision. 

“I know you never saw that side of him, but I did. He was very passionate about his business and proud of it,” Clara continued. ‘I know this decision is yours, but please, at least consider keeping it.” 

“But I love my job. I love teaching.” 

“I know you do, and no one is saying you have to give that up. There are a lot of good people that work there, maybe there’s a way that you could be a silent owner and pay someone to run the business side of it.” 

“Perhaps,” he sighed. “I just don’t know where to start with all of this.” 

“Well I might be able to help with that. Donna's husband, Lee, is a corporate lawyer. If you want, he would be willing to meet with you to discuss your options.” 

“Always with a plan, aren’t you?” He smiled at her. 

“I just want what’s best for you and James.” 

“Thank you. I would very much like to meet with Lee.” 

Clara smiled at him, happy that he was willing to look into the possibility of keeping James' company. She really knew that’s what James would have wanted. 

“Alright, I need to get going,” the Doctor said as he stood up. 

“So soon?” 

“Yeah, I’ve decided to start cleaning out James flat. I’ve been putting it off, but it needs to be done.” 

“Do you want a hand?” Clara asked. 

“Oh I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’ve already done so much.” 

“You’re not asking, I'm offering. Plus, I would really like to help.” 

The Doctor didn’t want to put Clara out, but he hadn’t thought that she might want to go to James’ one last time and that maybe there might be some things at his place that she may want. 

“Okay. I need to go home first, but I'll meet you back here in an hour?” 

“Sounds good,” Clara answered. 

\-------- 

Clara had never expected to come to this place with the Doctor and it was hitting her harder than she thought it would. As soon as they stepped off the lift, Clara took in the scent that distinctly reminded her of James and was immediately overcome with a wave of emotion. 

“Are you sure you want to do this,” the Doctor said as he saw the sadness in her eyes. 

“I do. I’ll be fine, it’s just that this place is him. I was with him when he picked it out actually.” 

It was almost as if the Doctor had forgotten that she had had this whole other life with his brother. And who could blame him really because what man in their right mind would want to imagine the woman they loved being with another man. They walked through the flat, the Doctor seeing it for the first time. There was nothing about this place that reminded him of the brother he knew. This place felt cold and lonely and not at all like the home he had once shared with him. 

“Where do you want to start?” Clara asked. 

“Maybe the bedroom. Start with his clothes I guess.” 

“Okay, I’ll grab some bags from the kitchen.” 

Clara paused for a moment, trying to get her feelings under control as memories of her and James started washing over her. Their relationship may have started as just sex, but it had evolved into much more than that. They had become friends and given different circumstances; she would have fallen for him just as hard as he had for her. 

The Doctor stepped into the bedroom and looked around. It was a large room with a king-sized bed in the middle of the room that faced massive windows that over looked the park. This was definitely the home of multi-millionaire and not something he would feel at home in at all. There was nothing personal about the space, except for one framed picture he noticed on James’s chest of drawers. He walked over and immediately recognized it as the same picture he had shown Rose to get her to believe he had a twin. He picked it up and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the two young men in the photo. 

Clara walked in and noticed the Doctor sitting with something in his hands. As she got closer, she saw that it was a picture. 

“That’s new,” she said as she sat next to him. 

The Doctor turned and looked at her. “What do you mean?” 

“I never saw that in here, but then again I haven’t been here for a while. Prior to everything, we had been spending a lot of time at my place.” 

“That’s not surprising actually. Your flat has always reminded me of the place James and I shared in Glasgow. It would seem he was feeling a little nostalgic,” he said as he turned the picture towards her. 

Clara could feel the tears forming in her eyes, and the last thing she wanted was to start crying. She grabbed a bag and walked into James’ closet to start going through his clothes. A few hours later and the two of them were pretty much done packing up everything that needed to be packed. The Doctor had found a few more photos and put them into a box of stuff that he was keeping. There wasn’t much, but the life he was packing up, wasn’t the one he knew his brother with. 

“I think that’s it. I’ll call and get some body to come and get the rest of this stuff,” the Doctor said as he stood near the lift with his box. “Are you sure there wasn’t anything you wanted?” 

“Yeah,” Clara answered as she glanced around. “I’m okay with just the memories I have.” 

“I somehow think I don’t want to know about the memories you have here,” he quirked an eyebrow at her. He wasn’t naïve, he knew how their relationship had started. 

“No you don’t. And they’re ones I will never share.” 

“Good.” The Doctor looked at her and said the one thing Clara thought she would never hear from him. “I’m glad James met you.” 

“Really?” Clara questioned, surprised. 

“Yeah, you were good for him and I don’t think I would have ever gotten him back if it weren’t for you. It may have been brief, but I’m glad that he didn’t die with me hating him. We have you to thank for that.” 

“Oh, I don’t think so. In the end James was the one who came clean to you.” 

“Yes, but he did that because of you. He really did love you and wanted to be a better person.” 

Clara just nodded, not really sure what to say. Luckily the lift came and the two stepped in. As the doors closed, Clara couldn’t help but feel that a door was closing on one part of her life and that she was taking steps towards the next chapter. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay enough with the sadness, time for some happiness.

“I can’t believe the day has finally come,” Rose said as she took a sip from her pint. “Tomorrow I get to marry JD!” 

“Finally,” Amy said. “It’s felt like this day would never come.” 

“Well it has been a long time in the works.” Rose glanced over at the three men playing pool. “But it’s been well worth the wait.” 

JD looked over and winked at his soon to be bride, causing her to giggle and return the gesture. 

“Well I'm looking forward to you two finally getting out of this honeymoon phase,” Clara added. 

“Never,” Rose stated. “Perhaps it’s time you joined in on the romance department.” 

“Oh I don’t know about that.” 

“Oh come on, Clara. It’s been 8 months since James died. Don’t you think it’s time you got on with it?” 

“Amy, I’ve been over this with you. I'll get on with it when I think the time is right.” 

“I seriously don’t get you. You wanted to be with the Doctor, before everything happened. I get why you’ve waited, but don’t you think you could both use a little happiness in your life. That you’ve both grieved long enough.” 

Clara glanced over at the men and watched as the Doctor was lining up his next shot. She knew Amy was right, but it always seemed to feel wrong to tell the Doctor how she felt, especially after everything they had been through. There was no denying that they had definitely gotten closer and were spending a lot of time together, but it was all very platonic. There was no flirting at all and at times she wondered if the chemistry they once had was gone. 

“Perhaps,” was all Clara answered. 

“Alright ladies,” JD said as he approached their booth and squeezed in next to Rose. “It’s fast approaching midnight and I need my beauty rest for the big day.” 

“Too late for that,” the Doctor said as he and Rory walked up. “No amount of sleep is going to fix that ugly mug.” 

“Remind me again why I chose you as my best man.” 

“Because there was no one else,” the Doctor said. 

“Oh yeah, that.” 

“Well JD does have a point. We should get going,” Amy said as she slid out of the booth. 

“Yeah, your mum has likely given Charlotte nothing but sweets all night and she’s probably bouncing off the walls,” Rory added. 

“I'll meet you two at Clara’s tomorrow morning,” Amy stated. 

“Bring breakfast because I have nothing in my house to eat.” 

“You do have leftover pizza,” the Doctor added as he took Amy’s spot next to Clara. 

“I'm not feeding Rose cold pizza on her wedding day.” 

“Okay, well then we’ll take it because I have no problem giving it to JD on his.” 

“Fine, you guys can grab it on the way back.” 

Initially when it had come to planning the wedding, Clara hadn’t been much into it, but when Rose said she and JD would be going home tonight after their rehearsal, she just felt that was wrong. She insisted that Rose come home with her and that JD go home with the Doctor, who wasn’t thrilled that he got pulled into this plan, but then Clara told him it was his duty as the best man. She then decided it would be nice if they all went for a pint after their dinner and they ended up back at the place where she first met JD and the Doctor. Subconsciously, she had hoped it might bring back some of those feelings for the Doctor, but so far nothing. 

“Alright, I’ll bring a breakfast fit for a princess. See you guys tomorrow.” 

“We should likely get going too. You two can’t see each other after midnight.” Clara said, as she motioned for the Doctor to get out of the booth. 

“You know I never would have pegged you as a traditionalist, Clara.” JD said. 

“Yeah me neither, but I just want everything to go smoothly for you two. You really deserve it.” 

“And it will,” Rose added as they all walked towards the exit. 

The four decided to walk back to Clara’s and the Doctor’s since it was a nice night and they weren’t far. Rose and JD were walking ahead, holding hands and chatting away, no doubt about the excitement that awaited them the next day. The other two trailed behind giving the couple their space. 

“They really are disgustingly happy aren’t they,” the Doctor said. 

“Yes, but it’s good.” 

The Doctor noticed Clara’s slight happy, sad smile she sometimes made and he found it impossible to interpret. Was she happy in that moment or was she sad, thinking about what could have been between her and James. He had really enjoyed getting close to her over the past months and it was nice to actually build a friendship with her. He did his best to keep his feelings in check, knowing that she was grieving. He wanted to respect her and perhaps when the time felt right, he’d ask her out on a proper date, but that time just didn’t feel like it was now. 

They made it back to Clara’s, where the four went up, so the guys could grab the leftover pizza. She and the Doctor had watched a movie at her place the night before and ordered it for their dinner. Something the two of them did at least once a week. 

“Time for you two to say good night,” the Doctor said as he came out of Clara’s kitchen with a container. 

“Okay, give us a second.” JD pulled Rose out into the hall and shut the door, giving themselves some privacy. 

“Doesn’t he realise he’s going to have a lifetime to snog her,” the Doctor said grumpily. 

“Oh give them a moment,” Clara said. “You can get home to bed soon enough.” 

“Who said I was tired?” 

“You’re cranky and when you get tired, you become Mr. Grumpy. Also when you’re hungry.” 

She wasn’t wrong. He smiled at her and how well she had gotten to know him. The Doctor was just about to say something, but the door opened, and Rose walked in. 

“Old man! Let’s go,” JD said. “Night, ladies!” 

The Doctor shook his head as he walked over to the door. 

“Night,” he said and smiled at Clara, who returned the sentiment just before they left. 

“Seriously, Clara, when are the two of you just going to get on with the snogging already.” 

“Don’t you start now too. I get enough of it from Amy.” Clara locked the door and the women moved down the hall towards the bedroom. 

“I can’t help it. JD and I are going nuts seeing the two of you together. It’s so obvious you’re crazy about each other, but neither one of you wants to make a move.” 

“Well let’s just focus on getting you married,” Clara said, trying to change the subject. 

“Fine, but I'm not dropping this. After the wedding we are going to get this all sorted.” 

The two went off to the bedroom and Clara couldn’t help, but hope that Rose was right and that after the wedding the time would finally be right. 

\-------- 

The next morning went by in a flash. The three girls had gotten their hair and makeup done, along with Rose’s mum. It was fun having a little girl time before all the craziness would start. Clara and Amy were now just waiting for Rose in Clara’s living room, putting the final touches on their outfits. 

“I swear to God, that if the Doctor doesn’t snog the hell out of you tonight, the man doesn’t have a libido.” 

“Amy!” 

“What?! I’m just being honest. You look so stunning, Clara, and he will be a fool if he doesn’t.” 

Clara looked at herself in the mirror in her front hall. She did look pretty good in her deep red strapless A-line dress with a long slit up to her thigh. She was very happy when they chose these dresses because she knew it was very sexy and she couldn’t wait to see the Doctor’s reaction to her in it. However, she didn’t want to put too much pressure on tonight, as today was about Rose and JD and that was her main concern. 

“What do you guys think,” Rose said as she stepped out of Clara’s room. 

“Wow!” Both Clara and Amy exclaimed at the same time. 

Rose and her mum joined the two girls in the living room, and Clara couldn’t help but feel a little emotional at seeing her friend excited about her day. She couldn’t help, but flash back to the day that they had bought her dress, when James had seen her in that very dress. She had a moment of sadness hit her, as she still missed him very much, but this was not a day to be sad. 

“You think JD is going to like it?” Rose asked. 

“If you wore a paper bag, he would like it,” Amy said. 

“That’s true,” she giggled. “But look at us! We are some good-looking ladies.” 

“Alright, you three, the car is here so, let’s go get you hitched,” Rose’s mum said as she got them all together and out of the flat. 

They all rode over to the venue, a decommissioned church, that functioned as both a spot for the ceremony and the reception. The ceremony would take place inside the church and then the reception would take place next door in a hall that would be decorated with fairy lights and sheer white curtain backdrops. It was elegantly simple and felt all very romantic. When they arrived there, a man met them at the car and ushered them to where they would wait until the guest were all seated. 

“Nervous?” Clara asked Rose. 

“Not at all. Excited more than anything,” she answered. “I really want to thank you, Clara.” 

“For what?” 

“I really would have made a terrible mistake marrying the Doctor, and if it weren’t for you coming into his life, that very likely may have happened.” 

“Rose, we’ve agreed to never talk about that time.” 

“I know, but I really want you to know that him cheating on me with you was the best thing to ever happen to me. I know it sounds weird and that for you it was the worst thing in the world, but I truly feel the two of you are going to find your way back to each other.” 

“Your wedding is our focus, remember.” 

“I know, but this bouquet is being thrown in your direction and you better catch it.” 

The music started, which was Amy’s cue to start walking. Once she was gone, it was Clara’s turn and as soon as she rounded the corner, she wasn’t expecting her breath to be taken away at seeing the Doctor standing at the front of the church in a tux. He looked so sharp, his usually messy curls tamed with some product and wearing the glasses she loved so much. She locked eyes with him and smiled as she walked to join Amy at the front. 

The Doctor couldn’t take his eyes off of Clara the second he saw her. She was breathtaking, and even though he knew the bride was supposed to be the most beautiful woman here today, he couldn’t imagine her looking better than Clara did. Her hair was swept up off her neck in loose curls and all he wanted to do was place light kisses on the soft skin of her shoulders. She smiled at him and he returned the gesture, not taking his eyes off of her, not even when the music changed and Rose started walking down the aisle. All the Doctor could think of was how much he hoped one day this might be him and Clara. 

The ceremony was quick and before Clara knew it, JD and Rose were being announced as husband and wife. Everyone cheered in the crowd as the couple kissed and then proceeded to walk back down the aisle to the exit. Clara stepped over and took the Doctor’s arm as the two of them followed. 

“You look very beautiful,” the Doctor whispered to her. 

“Thank you and you look very handsome,” she whispered back. 

“I’m just glad JD didn’t make me wear a kilt. These old white legs would have sent everyone running.” 

Clara chuckled. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have very nice legs.” 

She hadn’t meant to say that, but it just kind of came out without her thinking about it. He quirked an eyebrow at her, but before either of them could say something, they were being tugged away by the photographer who was trying to get the bridal party away from the church before the guests exited. 

They spent the next hour and a bit taking pictures and then went back to the hall to join the cocktail party. Clara didn’t get much of a chance to talk to the Doctor as she was busy catching up with people from uni and other old friends she hadn’t seen in a long time. There were a couple of times that she had glanced around looking for the Doctor and she saw that he was doing much the same with people he had worked with back in Glasgow. It wasn’t until after dinner that she finally had a moment to sit with the Doctor, while Rose and JD shared their first dance. 

“It was a really nice ceremony,” Clara said. 

“It was. Short and not drawn out,” he agreed. 

A silence slipped between them as they continued watching the bride and groom dance around the room. 

“I can’t believe Rose convinced JD to take lessons.” Clara finally said. 

“Oh I can. She kept trying to get me to agree to it and I kept telling her no.” 

“I suppose that should have been her first sign that you weren’t the right man for her,” Clara said. “She couldn’t convince you of it, but JD would say yes to anything she would ask.” 

“As you should for the woman you love.” He gave her a shy smile. 

The song changed to one that had become very familiar to Clara over the past few months. It was a song called Someone You Loved and it was played on the radio all the time, just after James died. Oddly enough when she first heard it, she first thought of him, but the more she listened to it the more it reminded her of the Doctor. She felt herself starting to get a bit emotional, and perhaps everything about the day was starting to catch up to her. She wanted so badly to tell the Doctor how she felt, but she was terrified. 

“Excuse me,” she said as she got up and headed towards the side entrance that went out to a garden. 

The Doctor had no idea what had suddenly gotten into her. Was it what he had said? Did he make her think of James? Was it the song? He started listening to the lyrics. 

_I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me_   
_This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy_   
_I need somebody to heal_   
_Somebody to know_   
_Somebody to have_   
_Somebody to hold_   
_It's easy to say_   
_But it's never the same_   
_I guess I_ _kinda_ _liked the way you numbed all the pain_

Crap, it was the song. She was likely thinking of James. He got up and followed her outside and when he caught up with her, she was standing in the middle of the garden staring up in the sky. 

“Clara,” he said hesitantly as not to startle her. 

She slowly turned and he saw that she had been crying. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Why would you be sorry?” She asked. 

“Because the song made you think of James. I just feel bad.” 

The lyrics drifted out to where they were. 

_Now the day bleeds_   
_Into nightfall_   
_And you're not here_   
_To get me through it all_   
_I let my guard down_   
_And then you pulled the rug_   
_I was getting_ _kinda_ _used to being someone you loved_

Clara felt it. This was it. She couldn’t hold on to it anymore and he needed to know the truth. 

“This song doesn’t remind me of James. Well not entirely. It reminds me of you.” 

Her heart was beating so fast she was sure it was about to beat right out of her chest. 

“Me?” 

“Yes, don’t you see?” She stepped closer to him. “James was the somebody to heal, he was the somebody to have and to hold because I couldn’t have you.” 

“What are you saying?” She kept moving closer to him and he didn’t dare move. 

“I’m saying that it’s you. It’s always been you.” 

Was he really hearing what he thought he was hearing? 

She moved in closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a kiss. At first Clara thought that she had made another mistake, because he didn’t return it, then she felt his hands on her hips and his lips began moving with hers. They kissed as if they were never going to kiss again and it felt like an eternity until she pulled back in need of air. 

“I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn’t sort this all out until just before James died. And then it just never felt like the right time.” 

“I’ve been wanting to say something too, but I’ve been down that road with you so many times that I was so afraid,” he said as he cradled her in his arms. 

“That’s fair. I’m sorry for being so daft and not figuring it out sooner.” 

He placed a light kiss on the top of her head and felt so good to be able to do that. 

“It’s okay. We’ve sorted it out now.” 

“I know this might sound crazy, but I was kind of hoping to take things a bit slow with you,” she said as she pulled back to look at him. 

“You don’t think we have been?” 

“I think that we started off as something very passionate and we never really dated. I would really like to go on proper dates with you before we jump back into the physical stuff.” 

“Whatever you want. I’m not going anywhere.” 

The music changed to an acoustic version of Can’t Help Falling in Love. 

“Can I at least have this dance?” He asked as he extended his hand to her. 

“You can have all the dances you want,” she answered as she stepped into his embrace and they slowly started to sway to the music. 

_Wise men say only fools rush in_   
_But I can't help falling in love with you_   
_Shall I stay?_   
_Would it be a sin_   
_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_   
_Darling so it goes_   
_Some things are meant to be_   
_Take my hand, take my whole life too_   
_For I can't help falling in love with you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this might seem like the end, but I have 1 more chapter for you.


	23. Chapter 23

“I don’t believe you,” Amy said to Clara. 

“Yeah I'm with her,” Rose agreed. 

“I'm serious. We haven’t slept together.” 

“What the bloody hell are you waiting for because from what you told me of before, you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other when he should have been keeping them off of you.” 

“Amy!” Both Rose and Clara exclaimed. 

“That is precisely why I want to take it slowly. What we had before was pure passion. I just want to be sure we can have more than a physical relationship.” 

“Oh come on! You two have been in the friend zone for a long time now. I think you know that’s true.” 

“She does have a point, Clara,” Rose added. 

“Well we are going out tonight and I was thinking it has been a few weeks now since we officially started dating.” 

“So tonight then,” Amy stated. 

“Maybe,” Clara replied. 

“God you’re killing me. What more do you need?” 

“That’s between him and I.” Clara looked at her phone and noticed the time. “Oh, I need to go.” 

“Avoiding the question,” Amy said. 

“No, I need to get ready. I have no idea where John is taking me tonight so it’s going to take longer to get ready.” 

“Fine,” Amy said as she got up to walk Clara out. 

“Yeah, I should get going too. JD and I are going to an art opening tonight. Oh maybe that’s where you’re going Clara.” Rose stated happily. 

“I don’t think John is really wanting to double date right now, especially since you two just got back from your honeymoon.” 

“That’s fair,” Rose replied. “But maybe we can do a double or triple date soon.” 

“That sounds fun,” Clara answered. 

The three girls said their goodbyes and Clara rushed home to jump in the shower. She had no idea where they were going and it didn’t really matter because just being with the Doctor was enough. The past few weeks had been really great; dates to museums, dinner, the cinema, they even went to a play one night. The Doctor was really trying to woo her, but the truth was he really didn’t need to try so hard. They hadn’t done anything more than the occasional snog on the couch, except the last time he was over, things almost progressed further, but Clara held back and the Doctor never went further then she let him. She knew it likely didn’t make sense to the outside observer, but she really was waiting for the right moment. She didn’t just want to have sex with him, she wanted to make love to him and although she knew that was how she felt, neither of them had said those words. 

She got out of the shower and spent the next half hour trying to decide what to wear until she decided to finally call him to get a tiny idea of what would be appropriate. 

“You’re not canceling on me, are you?” The Doctor asked as he picked up the phone. 

“Never. I just want an idea of what I should wear.” 

“Well I'm wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a blazer. Does that help?” 

“No, that’s what you always wear.” 

“Okay,” he sighed. “Do you remember what you wore when we saw Royal Blood?” 

Clara thought back to the night that she had gone to a concert with her friends and saw him there. It was the night that they finally gave in and had amazing sex on her couch. She had been wearing skinny jeans, a corset top, and a leather motorcycle jacket. 

“Are we going to a concert?” 

“I'm not saying, I'm just saying an outfit like that would be nice. Really nice,” he said as he lowered his voice. 

“Okay, I think I get the idea,” she laughed in the phone. “See you soon.” 

She hung up and went in search of that very outfit. She remembered the effect it had on him and she wouldn’t mind a repeat of that night. A half hour later, the Doctor was knocking on her door just as she was putting on her deep red lipstick. 

“Wow,” he said as she opened the door. “I didn’t think you’d wear the exact outfit, but wow.” 

“You like?” 

“Very much,” he answered as he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek, careful to not ruin her make up. 

“Let me just grab my purse and we can go,” Clara said as she stepped back. 

“Well I actually have a couple of things for you before we go,” the Doctor said as he stepped inside and closed the door. 

“Really?” Clara asked shocked. 

“Yeah, first is this.” He handed her a legal sized envelope from behind his back. 

“Are you suing me?” She joked, as she took it from him. 

“Yes, for stealing my heart.” He winked at her. “Just open it.” 

She opened it and pulled out papers that she started to read. 

“What? John, I can’t accept this.” She said in awe. 

“You deserve it. You have been such a huge help to me over the past months trying to figure out how to run Mondasian and still hold on to my teaching career. I want you to have that.” 

“But this is half of the company!” 

“I know. We’d be partners.” He could see she was in complete shock. “Look, I’m not saying you need to sign the papers right now. Think about it, but it is really what I want and I think it’s what James would have wanted too.” 

“Okay, I’ll think about it.” She put the papers down on a nearby table. “What else did you have for me?” 

“A clue as to where we’re going tonight.” He handed her an album that he had behind his back as well. 

Clara took it from him and smiled at what it was. She had loved this record so much, but after she had found out he was cheating on Rose with her, she couldn’t bear to listen to it any more. In fact, she hadn’t listened to it in almost two years. 

“Are we going to see the Kills?” 

“We are. I hope that’s okay. I know that you broke that album when you were angry with me, so I thought I’d buy it for you again.” 

“I love it, thank you. Ash and Ice was one of my favourites.” 

“Mine too. You were right about music being able to convey messages that people may have a hard time communicating. I couldn’t tell you what I felt back then, but that album reminded me so much of you that I had to give it to you.” 

“Thank you, for all of this.” 

“You’re very welcome. Ready to go?” 

“You bet.” 

She grabbed her bag and they headed off to the concert. She loved the Kills and had always wanted to see them live, so she was even more excited that she was finally going to get that opportunity. When they got to the show, they got some drinks and then made their way towards the stage. The whole night was reminding her of the night they were last at a concert, except with one difference, the Doctor could openly hold her hand and not just pretend to brush up against her. The band took the stage and the two of them swayed in time to the music, the Doctor stepping behind her, so that he could put his hands on her hips and move with her to the sexy beats. She knew she wasn’t the only one that was getting turned on from the night, and as much as she did want to wait, she didn’t think she could any longer. The show ended and they grabbed a cab to head home, holding hands in the backseat the whole way. When they got to Clara’s, the Doctor paid the driver and then they both got out. 

“Do you want to come up?” She asked. 

The Doctor wasn’t sure what that meant because she had wanted to take it slow, but the whole night he was getting the vibe from her that tonight might be the night she was wanting to speed it up. He didn’t want to pressure her, but he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and tell her how much he loved her and how he never wanted to let her go. 

“Yes,” he answered and the two climbed the stairs to her flat. 

“Why don’t you put some music on while I get us a drink.” 

“Okay,” he said and he walked off into the living room. 

Clara thought for sure he would be putting on the Kills album, but was surprised when the sounds of Frank Sinatra came through instead. She smiled, knowing that this album meant a lot to him and he had given it to her because it reminded him of her. She poured their drinks and returned to where he was standing near her balcony door looking out over the neighbourhood. 

“This isn’t the album I thought you’d pick.” She handed him a glass. 

“Do you remember when I played this for you in my office?” 

“I do. I believe you said this song reminded you of me.” 

“Witchcraft always has.” He winked at her and then put his glass down, taking hers from her hand as well. “Dance with me.” 

He pulled her into his arms and started twirling her around the room almost expertly. She had no idea he could dance this way and it was such a lovely moment. The song changed to All the Way, and the Doctor started singing in her ear. 

_When somebody loves you_   
_It's no good unless he loves you all the way_   
_Happy to be near you_   
_When you need someone to cheer you - all the way_

Clara started getting shivers as his voice resonated down her body. She loved this man more than anything and she really couldn’t hold back any longer. She had waited long enough. 

_Who knows where the road will lead_ _us_   
_Only a fool would say_   
_But if you'll let me love you_   
_It's for sure I'm_ _gonna_ _love you_   
_All the way_

The lyrics were so true and he needed to say it to her. It didn’t matter if she didn’t say it back. He wanted to shout it from the tallest building just how much he loved her. 

“Clara.” 

“John.” 

They both spoke at the same time and the Doctor being the gentleman, insisted Clara go first. 

“I don’t even know where to start, because I’ve felt this for so long, but got so lost along the way.” Her eyes started to well. “I’ve never met anyone like you and I don’t think I ever will again.” 

Before she could say the words, the Doctor leaned down and captured her lips in his, slowly savouring their kiss while he pulled her tightly against him. This was a kiss like none other, it was the kiss that held all the promises, all their hopes and dreams. 

“I love you, Clara Oswald,” the Doctor said as he finally pulled away, stealing the words out of her mouth. “I love you with every beat of my heart and no matter what happens, I'm never letting you go.” 

“You won’t have too,” she answered as her tears started to spill. “Because I'm not going anywhere ever again.” 

He brought his hands up to her cheeks and wiped her tears away with his thumbs, smiling down at her before he placed a light kiss on the tip of her nose. 

“I love you, John. I'm so sorry I didn’t see that sooner.” 

“Shh, it doesn’t matter because we’re here now. And I plan on telling you just how much I love you, every chance I get.” 

“Want to show me how much?” She gave him a sly grin. 

The Doctor didn’t say anything, but just raised an eyebrow and Clara nodded, knowing he was asking if she was sure. His smile grew so wide it was almost devilish and he leaned in kissing her again, literally sweeping her off her feet this time. He effortlessly carried her to her bedroom where the two took their time undressing and relishing each kiss, touch, and caress. It had been a very long time since the two of them had been together and they didn’t want to rush this because this time it was different. It was almost like they were rewriting their past and starting how they should have, slow, patient and not letting their desires get the better of them. Their desire for each other in the beginning was so impetuous that it made them blind to the people around them. But over the past year and months they had grown to be best friends who learned they had other desires, an unyielding desire to grow and learn more about one other, which lead them to their hearts most absolute desire, love and respect. 

They laid in each other’s arms, feeling the happiest they had felt in the longest time. Clara couldn’t stop smiling and even though she couldn’t see the Doctor’s face she knew he was likely feeling the same. He was running his hand up and down her arm, sending warm tingling feelings through her whole body. This was right, this was home, and neither of them ever wanted to be apart from the other again. There was no debate as to what Clara wanted, she wanted to be with John for the rest of her life and she knew what she needed to do. She rolled away from him and got out of bed. 

“Hey, where are you going?” He asked with a whimper. 

“I’ll be right back,” she smiled at him as she walked out of the room, not bothering to put anything on. 

The Doctor enjoyed the sight of her walking away and counted his blessings that they had finally made their way back to each other. He had missed this closeness between them and had especially missed the feel of her wrapped around him. She returned carrying the envelope he had given her earlier, and sat down on the bed, reaching for a pen from her side table. 

“What are you doing?” He asked. 

“Isn’t it obvious,” she replied as she took the papers out of the envelope and flipped to the last page and signed her name. “I’m becoming your partner.” 

“You sure?” He questioned. 

“For the first time in a very long time. I love you John and I never want to be away from you again. We’ve already wasted so much time, and if there’s anything James’ death can teach us, is that time is precious. This is more than just a business partnership; I want to be your partner in everything. If you’ll have me?” 

“Absolutely,” he replied, smiling at her. “I’ll have you forever.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who followed this story all the way to the end! I had no idea my little idea to write a student/professor story would turn into a trilogy with a mystery twin, jail time, drug dealers and murder. I appreciated all the comments I got throughout and the patience with my cliffhangers, you guys are the best!
> 
> For now this is the end of this story, but who knows, an epilog might come out of me later. Righ now I'm about four chapters in on my next 12/Clara AU. Clara and John have a forbidden long distance love and with so many obstacles in their way, how will it all turn out in the end. If you want to know when this story comes out, subscribe to find out :) Until the next one, cheers!


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